Would really appreciate some experience here...

[cassieohpia]

I suppose this is also my introduction as it's a first post; I'm born male but feeling female.

I am living in a perpetual confusion and with a deep sense of gloom. Reading so many stories makes me feel sure that much of what I am experiencing is classic dysphoria. The anger, the lethargy, the 'depersonal' feeling of not being right, depression, anxiety and the unhelpful desire to drink to stupidity.  All signs of clinical depression as well, I know! I've been seeing a therapist and trying to find the answers - it is not quick or easy.

Using a very low dose of E, as an indicator of gender dysphoria (or not), has been raised and I would love to know from others' experience if the following questions might be answered.

If a very cis man (I mean with little or zero 'trans inclinations' or gender identity variance)  took a low dose of oestrogen, how would he feel?
I'm assuming not the sense of well being, tranquility and happiness described by so many girls.
Maybe trans guys could say how rising E and lowered T affects you?
I've read that E is a natural anti- depressant but surely, if your brain is male (used with awareness!), would it serve as a causer, rather than a reliever, of dysphoria?

I'm trying to work out if a low dose would answer my question(s) for me but not 'trick me' further. This is at the heart of my confusion; am I a cross dresser 'tricking myself' into thinking myself much further along the spectrum or am I trying to deny who I am.

Hmmm. That was quite difficult. Sorry for all of the inverted commas!

[♥︎ SarahD ♥︎]

Hunni, I'm very early in this whole process myself and haven't started HRT myself yet, so I might not be in a position to answer this question.  The way I see it though is this: you define the label, the label doesn't define you.  What I mean by this is basically - just try it.  If it makes you feel better then that's a good thing.  If it doesn't then stop taking it and try something else.  If it does make you feel better, then push things further - get your therapist to up the dosage and see how that feels.  Then maybe start playing around with women's clothes and makeup etc.  You get the idea.

Basically, try one thing at a time.  If it makes you feel better, move on to the next stage. If it doesn't, then don't!  Pure and simple   Figuring out that you may be trans* just gives you a guide as to what may or may not work to help alleviate your symptoms. Just because you're trans* doesn't mean you have to take HRT, but it's something that may well help.  So try it (through the proper channels of course), and see where it takes you

<3

[Newgirl Dani]

Hi Cassieohpia and welcome. If I am understanding your question correctly then I believe your asking:  can the act of starting hrt cause a non transgender person to falsely believe they are now on the right track and that they are indeed transgender?

I am living in a perpetual confusion and with a deep sense of gloom. Reading so many stories makes me feel sure that much of what I am experiencing is classic dysphoria. The anger, the lethargy, the 'depersonal' feeling of not being right, depression, anxiety and the unhelpful desire to drink to stupidity.  All signs of clinical depression as well, I know!

Just my best guess, I think this part of your post is enough to give hrt a try.   As to getting 'tricked' into going down an essentially 'wrong' path, well I think that if a person is truly non-transgender, that will become known.

Hoped that helped in some way, I'm sure there will be better answers on the way.    Dani

[SorchaC]

Hi Cassieophia, Not quite sure about this. I went full time before even seeing a box of E as that was the rules back then in UK. I didn't at the time agree with this as for me to pass as a woman I needed more help than just clothes and make up could ever give me. Looking at it from a medical standpoint I can see how they would think that before you go introducing hormonal changes to a male body they wanted to be sure I could live and function as a woman. Then once changes started happening I was ready and already living the role ready for the body to follow. I still disagree with not prescribing hHRT to someone who is going full time before they do and from all accounts thankfully for UK girls The NHS are getting round to that way of thinking too. However I'm not sure using HRT as a way to diagnose Gender Dysphoria is a good way to go. I started on a low dose of HRT as my GP back then had no experience of transwomen and wanted to be cautious. Even then I had undeniable breast growth inside 3-4 months (Measured in M&S at 4 months as a C cup)

I once spoke to my doctor and said "I think I'm a woman" Her reply was "Well if you only think you're a woman then I would say go away and enjoy dressing up until you're sure you are as I doubt you are. Many men cross dress it doesn't mean they're women" I was upset with that too as all I did wrong to me was express my feelings wrongly. When things finally got too much for me I made dammed sure I said what I was feeling in a way that nobody could misinterpret and I was listened to.

The way I see it though is this: you define the label, the label doesn't define you.  What I mean by this is basically - just try it.  If it makes you feel better then that's a good thing.  If it doesn't then stop taking it and try something else.  If it does make you feel better, then push things further - get your therapist to up the dosage and see how that feels.  Then maybe start playing around with women's clothes and makeup etc.  You get the idea.

Basically, try one thing at a time.  If it makes you feel better, move on to the next stage. If it doesn't, then don't!  Pure and simple   Figuring out that you may be trans* just gives you a guide as to what may or may not work to help alleviate your symptoms. Just because you're trans* doesn't mean you have to take HRT, but it's something that may well help.  So try it (through the proper channels of course), and see where it takes you

<3

I agree with trying things out to see what it feels like If you believe you are trans then there's a strong possibility you could be as you know your mind better than anyone. There are other ways to feel feminine than taking HRT, Maybe you've tried some and just never said in your post. Cross dressing for me was never about any kind of thrill. I found it relaxed me as I was able to escape the pressures of feeling I was not the man everyone saw me as. I could for a while express my real self and felt this was me. It was in the end not enough though. I found I didn't want to change back. The ex wife was often annoyed that the only insult she could use that bothered me was to call me a man 

I'm no therapist so what I say is a personal opinion and obviously my life is different to yours. I would ask your therapist why they are considering HRT as a way to clarify things? It could well be they believe you are trans and just want you to realise that's the way for you to go. I am happy to answer any question and hope you find the path that's right for you.

Good Luck

Sorcha 

[Jill F]

Cis guys with low T or that need to take HRT-type treatments to treat "guy cancers" normally get irritable and depressed.

I was never happier after my orchiectomy.

[Ms Grace]

Hey Cassie!

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

I'd suggest you might be getting ahead of yourself. Talking these issues over with a gender counsellor would be the first step before proceeding to HRT anyway. That should hopefully give you sue insight into your feelings and future actions you might consider.

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Grace

[JulieBlair]

Hi and welcome,
I have a few thoughts, cross dressing isn't necessarily gender dysphoria and HRT isn't a very good way to discover the truth about yourself.  You've done some introspection and some investigation, that is always a good thing, but don't short circuit the process.  Hormones are drugs, powerful transformative drugs.  It isn't necessary to self medicate, and for a potentially life changing protocol, not real smart. 

If you are not talking to a gender counselor yet, I hope you do.  There is much you can learn about who you are without resorting to better living through chemistry.  If a low dose regimen is called for and that works for you great.  If transition is in the cards for you, it will be discovered.  Or you may find out you are just playful and stylish.

There are no wrong answers and no inappropriate questions, but there is safety - please choose it.

Peace
Julie

[♥︎ SarahD ♥︎]

...I'd suggest you might be getting ahead of yourself. Talking these issues over with a gender counsellor would be the first step before proceeding to HRT anyway. That should hopefully give you sue insight into your feelings and future actions you might consider...

Hi and welcome,
I have a few thoughts, cross dressing isn't necessarily gender dysphoria and HRT isn't a very good way to discover the truth about yourself.  You've done some introspection and some investigation, that is always a good thing, but don't short circuit the process.  Hormones are drugs, powerful transformative drugs.  It isn't necessary to self medicate, and for a potentially life changing protocol, not real smart. 

If you are not talking to a gender counselor yet, I hope you do.  There is much you can learn about who you are without resorting to better living through chemistry.  If a low dose regimen is called for and that works for you great.  If transition is in the cards for you, it will be discovered.  Or you may find out you are just playful and stylish.

There are no wrong answers and no inappropriate questions, but there is safety - please choose it.

Peace
Julie

Personally, I got the impression they're already doing that and it was the therapist who suggested the HRT:

...I've been seeing a therapist and trying to find the answers - it is not quick or easy.

Using a very low dose of E, as an indicator of gender dysphoria (or not), has been raised and I would love to know from others' experience if the following questions might be answered...

I may have misinterpreted but that's what I was going by lol ♥︎

[anjaq]

I think the key to getting to know what your condition is, if it is something that demands a changed body or a changed gender role, is only within you, in introspection, in being honest aout what you feel like. A lot of motivations can lead to the conviction to be transsexual, but only part of them can really be adressed by a physical or social role transition. And hormones can only be a hint, not a certainty when it comes to a self diagnosis. Just an example - some people have issues with their sexuality - they do not like to be "horny" or have erections - in that case hormones would change the sex drive and it would be regarded as a relief. And there are dozens of other motivations, some of them would result in a positive reaction on hromones despite it not being the best way. I found a few thoought experiments to be helpful - like imagining to be here in 10 or 20 or 40 years - would you like to be an old, wrinkly woman or does it not matter then? If you would be in a country that has no gender roles - everyone dresses and behaves and does whatever they like, no matter if they have female or male bodies - would you still really need to change the body? If you would be alone on a different planet with basically no chance to be rescued and there is a machine that can make your body female in all aspects - you you use it if it cannor be reversed? The anser to these thoughts can maybe give you a hint if body changes are what you need the most - or if maybe something else is more important now - like being perceived as a woman socially, being able to express the feminine parts of your personality freely...

I know that it is possible to be drawn into the whole transgender issue even if one has not much of an issue with it originally. There was a movie half a year ago - a documentary about a guy who basically out of interest did a "real life test" without being transgender. He totally got caught up in it, his natural hormone levels changed, he had to really pull himself together and finally put a break on it when his wife threatened to leave. that was 2 years into it. Leter, he still was occasionally around and asking about the effects of hormone therapy and more.

[Rachel]

Hi Cassie and welcome to Susan's

I agree with other posters and I think Anjaq's comments are spot on. There are a lot of different ways to transition and through gender therapy and introspection and then if you feel the need expressing is a way to proceed. HRT is one of the expressions.

There are as many ways to express being trans as there are trans people.  Figuring out what you want and need is a journey. At first terrifying and then as you add a little here and there, realizing you are becoming more you it feels great. 

[cassieohpia]

Thank you everybody.
For taking the time to answer. For showing care and concern, and for the ideas, wisdom, thoughts and suggestions.

I am in the process of gender therapy and this was indeed offered as a possible option. Through a doctor and with a legal prescription. Doing things any other way would not be a pathway I'd explore.
There is every possibility my therapist does know the answer already and is using this as a way to reveal it to me. Or maybe the opposite and using this to reveal it to me! But I don't know.

I keep thinking around the nature/ nurture debate and where trans (and my trans status whatever that may be) fits within it. I suppose having concrete evidence (as it were) seems appealing.

The wiser part of me still knows that, it doesn't actually matter. And that it is only me who can know, label or define me.

Another thread asked about having a 100% reliable 'trans' blood test or similar. Would you want to take it? Would you change your course of action if it contradicted your own feelings?

We have to be true to ourselves don't we? The replies to that other post that 'wouldn't want to know' are the ones to take inspiration from I guess.

Still finding my own truth anyway. Here's to honesty, acceptance and fluidity.

Reading the stories and getting to know (albeit in a slightly one sided and stalky way) the people on here, I can say that, if I am trans (sexual), I will be in good company!

X

[anjaq]

Well you can always just say you are trans* and then find out what exactly you feel like and need. Dont do anything you do not need.

Can you describe in some way why you think you are trans* - what are your clues? Dont let someone like a gender therapist tell you that you probably are - no one but oyurself can say that in the end.

[SorchaC]

Well you can always just say you are trans* and then find out what exactly you feel like and need. Dont do anything you do not need.

Can you describe in some way why you think you are trans* - what are your clues? Don't let someone like a gender therapist tell you that you probably are - no one but yourself can say that in the end.

I agree with the sentiment of not letting a Therapist say what you are. Any good Therapist will not say "this is what you are" However in many countries you'll struggle in transition without Doctors and Therapists agreeing that what you say you are is actually what's happening so I would listen to them unless I seriously disagreed with what they thought.

I also think accepting that you fit into the broad definition of trans is a good thing for your own peace of mind. Labels don't mean anything anyway. My Birth Certificate says I'm female and that's how I present so whatever else is going on isn't anybodies business but mine 

Good Luck

Sorcha