Surviving My Broken Heart~Possable Trigger

[Phyliciaraine]

So i finally had some time to write a post about this. I don't know if it will trigger anyone, but maybe. 14 years is how long i have been with my soul-mate, and yes we still use that phrase. Not long ago we had been talking about how to "fix" our relationship. After we talked everyday for several hours we both had a realization. Every time we try to be a "married" couple we REALLY fight to the point things get thrown, etc.. and it gets worse every time and one of us is gone for long before coming home and our life continuing. Every time we are getting along fantastically, we are being just friends with no marital part. We knew that we are best friends and that is how we need to be. We want to keep the friendship especially for our kids. Plus the other things i think helped this decision come about is she felt like she had lost who "she" is. She immersed herself in work and things related to my transition, and how to understand me, taking care of the kids, etc... Also even though she is pan-sexual she is very attracted to men and only very minimally women. So we decided to do a separation in house. Mainly because we just declared bankruptcy and can't incur any more debt for 5 years. So i get the couch and living room at night. and she has her room now. She has seen me crying about it off and on, and swears that i'm not alright with doing it. I tell her every time i am, but she thinks i'm lying. I wish i could explain to her that i'm not lying. I am ok with it but at the same time my heart has been shattered. I know that it has to be done, it's true irony. When i came out she had told me that she can't ask me to remain unhappy for her happiness, and now i can't ask her to be unhappy for mine. I wish i could tell her how hard this is for me, but i can see that this is what we need. we used to fight everyday or every other day and now we haven't had a fight for over a month. I hate this and i know it will take a long time for this sadness to end. I just had to write some of this down. Plus its hard not to cry at anything that reminds me, like the song amnesia, i almost lost it. It fit so perfectly so i know i need to avoid "that" song.

So here we are, sleeping in the same house. Best friends, taking care of our kids and letting each other go. I truly hope she finds someone that makes her happy. And maybe, in time i will too.

So any advice on surviving a broken heart?

[kelly_aus]

My partner died in May last year, I understand a broken heart.

For me? It's been time and immersing myself in friends and family.. I still miss her and will probably always miss her, even if/when I found someone else.

[Athena]

Cherish what you do have. It might not be ideal but you still have a friend who you can talk with and hang out with.

[OlderTG]

I'm so sorry. I wish I had some advice. Instead, this is more like 'if misery likes company'.

I only realized I'm TG this Aug. I came out to my wife about a week later hoping we could deal with this as a loving couple facing an issue having great impact on both of us. Hmm, she didn't see things that way at all. A week after that, she tried a compromise; if I promised never to transition, we might salvage the relationship. A week after that I explained that I certainly could not make such a promise and she immediately declared our marriage over. At that, since I'd come out I'd been sleeping in another bedroom and fortunately we are blessed to have a vacation home (rented over the summer so we can afford it) close enough so I spend several days a week there.

She wants me out of the house entirely and with the tension in the air, so do I. That means the need for an apartment to allow me to continue my part time position (which would barely cover the expense of an apartment). She's said we were best friends and I was hoping beyond hope to maintain that friendship but at least at this point that doesn't seem likely.

Financially, I think we still need to pool our financial resources and maintain a physical separation rather than seek a legal divorce at this point. We have adult children, so staying together for them isn't an issue and for now, they are not being very supportive of me.

Talking at all with my wife is strained at best and yet there is lots we need to talk about. I know that this is still very early in the process and it is remotely possible her views will soften, though probably not.

I guess all I can say is that for most of us, the process is difficult at best and to say that one situation is worse than another is largely meaningless. It is what it is for each of us and a struggle at that. I wish you the best and given time, perhaps your relationship will improve.

[Shantel]

Surviving a broken heart just takes time, best advice is to stay busy, keep focused and avoid anything that can be a trigger like the song "Cat in the cradle" if you have kids. That one drives me to tears because I was such a half assed son, then a half assed father. Focusing on those kinds of regrets will cause undue pain when in reality it's all past history, we can do nothing now to change it and we all need to move on. It's good if you can maintain a long term friendship though, after all you do have shared history and there's no reason things should end acrimoniously.