Story Research; MTF Trans-Women: What sexual partners do you prefer?

[AnnaSiciliana]

Hi. I'm new here and I hope this is not a rude question or something. I'm not a transsexual, but just a lesbian writer, and one of my fiction story lines now features a male-to-female Trans-Woman, and I'd rather not fall victim to too many stereotypes, so instead of just portraying her as a gloryfied drag-queen, I'd be more interested in making a character that's actually credible and interesting. Right now, I'm not entirely sure about her sexual orientation and sadly I don't know enough trans-women personally to get any representative sample. Hence this poll.

[✰Fairy~Wishes✰]

I'm attracted to people of all genders.

But I guess if I had to say if there's anything that attracts me the most. It's genderqueer people. Especially people who identify as androgynes.
I'm also really attracted to women who are proud of their flat chests. And men who are proud of their femininity and cuteness.

I think I'm more attracted to body type than gender identity, though.
With women... I'm not very attracted to breasts or curves. And for men... I'm not really attracted broad shoulders, or being really tall. Or big muscles... or body hair.

I think that female body builders are really pretty, though. To me, muscles look prettier on women than men.
I'm also more attracted to body hair on women than men.

I'd love to meet a woman with big pecs and abs and muscles, and leg hair, but the most adorable face and personality who was attracted to me and had lotsa things in common.

[Allyda]

I'm attracted to both cis and transwomen. I prefer thin girls a lil taller than me. But looks are far from everything and this is just a representation of who physically attracts me. However, I need to mention that I'm attracted way more by personality over looks, so this opens up a very broad range of women for me.

I won't say I'll never be with a man, trans or cis, because if true love ever does come around for me I won't pass up a chance at happiness be they female, male, cis, or trans, or somewhere in between. I just hope if it's a guy he's not too hairy as body hair is a huge turnoff for me.

Peace everyone!

Ally

[✰Fairy~Wishes✰]

I can give examples!



To me, women like this are so so so pretty. I would love to date a woman like this who I had things in common with.

[Olivia-Anne]

Well I am a transwoman that just happens to be dating a transwoman. I think if you want to give your character credibility you just have to make them real. Regardless of who our love interest is, we are still at our core a human being. In our relationships we love, we laugh, we cry and we care. Essentially we are the same as any cis- heteronormal couple. The dynamics of our relationship differ based on each of our likes and dislikes, just like any other couple. I think the thing that is most often overdone about portraying transwomen is the fact that we are a transwomen. Our lives are not all consumed by being trans. Our sole identifying characteristic is not that we are trans, although all media would have you believe otherwise. I just happen to be trans is all. I am also a loving girlfriend. I am also a homeowner with all the responsibilities that come along with that. I am also a successful Industrial Designer. I am also a sci-fi nerd, book worm, psychology hobbyist, former skateboarder and former 3D Animator. I am many many things, one of which just happens to be trans. I am more than my gender. I am more than my sexual orientation. I hope this helps.

-Liv

[Sosophia]

mostly guys but i dont feel like being with anyone until surgery

[JulieBlair]

Hi Anna,
This link might be useful - be careful to never ever lift something directly from these forums without written permission from the author.  It is not only inappropriate, but conceivably unsafe.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,172936.0.html

Here is the thing for me and for a lot of us.  For decades I was pretty clueless as to my gender.  All I knew was that it didn't feel right and so I tried to be a guy, tried to be gay, tried to be anything that wasn't as painful as what I felt to be the truth.  Eventually I either had to leave denial and embrace transsexuality or emotionally die and just go on sans joy, sans color, sans meaningful life.

But sexual orientation is not linked to gender identity except maybe by habit.  So in my case I find both men and women desirable.  I love the shape and feel of a woman's body against mine, but also relish the strength and confidence of a man.  So it goes.  What the link talks about is that from my perspective at least, trans people are more interesting both sexually and personally than cis folks, men and women.  There is commonality in the trans community and a complexity of spirit that I don't find as much in straight relationships.

All this said Olivia is spot on.  Being trans is no more defining as to who I am as anything else about me.  I am a software engineer, I am a parent, I am a member of the local community, I am a caring human.  Those are at least as defining of me as the fact that I am a woman, and that I am trans.

Good luck with your writing,

Julie

[Lostkitten]

I am confused about what I prefer . I think women are beautiful and I feel attracted and even turned on by them, but in the end I want to touch, feel and play with a cis male and not a feminine one.

No idea D:!

[Jaime R D]

none and that is pretty much the same as it was 20 years ago long before I transitioned. But it seems that its a hard thing for many people to grasp, they think everyone has to like sex to some degree.

[Annabelle]

Hmm.. I'm attracted to women for both emotional and physical aspects but for men... I just don't have any physical attraction to them but at the same time I can get emotionally attached and end up liking a guy. I'm a bit weird like that haha.

[Jenna Marie]

I picked "everyone," but I did want to mention that (in case you didn't realize this) that encompasses more than cis men and women + trans men and women. There are non-binary people of various types, including those who identify as agender or genderfluid.

I'm bisexual, for all intents and purposes.

Also, if you want to see how trans women live and think... go read the forums! As someone else said, copying people's words isn't OK, but you absolutely can get an impression of a wide range of lives and opinions that way.

[Foxglove]

One option you didn't include is "attracted to nobody"--i.e., asexual.  There's a reasonably significant contingent of transpeople who fall into that category.  Estimates come in at between 5 and 10%.  Whether this is true asexuality is hard to say.  It may be asexuality due to circumstances: e.g., you might be attracted to men but are only interested in a relationship with a man as a woman.  If that's not possible for you, then your attraction might wane.

And Anna, I don't regard this as a rude question, but I would advise caution.  It's going to be hard to create a credible trans character if you don't actually know lots of transpeople in real life.  I myself would be very hesitant to try to write about lesbian characters.  As a transwoman who's known very few transmen, I'd even hesitate to write about them.  Right now I'm reading Armistead Maupin's cycle of novels, which includes one character who is a transman.  He strikes me as a very credible character--but I wouldn't mind talking to some transmen who've read the books to get their take on him. 

It's very hard to put yourself into somebody else's skin.  Being trans. like being a lesbian, is a lot more than who you're attracted to.  But enough of this.  I'm sure you know it already.  I wish you the best of luck.

Your friend,
Foxglove

[Auroramarianna]

Um, this is tricky for me. I'm complicated. I am attracted to men's bodies, but I fear them in general, so yeah. It's complicated. I almost never approach guys. In a romantic way at least. I just IDK I have some sort of trauma with men. Usually I think none will ever be able to love me. And so far I have been right, at 18 just today (yay!) I still have never had a boyfriend. Again I'm complicated.

[JulieBlair]

Auroramarianna - Happy Birthday!   

[stephaniec]

Auroramarianna - Happy Birthday!   

ditto

[Miranda Catherine]

First, Happy Birthday, Aquamarianna! To be 18 and living in today's society as a transgendered girl. Wow!!! Marianna, there are definitely guys out there who can love you as a woman. Just because you haven't found one yet, doesn't mean you won't find one.

I don't see a category for myself, which is: Cis Men only. None of the other categories remotely interest me, which isn't on anyone else but me. It's just that I really love men, period. From feeling very feminine in their arms to their unique scents, to their bodies and the strange and unique ways they think and behave. And to have a man who knows how to make love to a woman is better, times ten, than any drug or anything else mentioned or considered sex's superior or equal. Nothing comes close, IMHO!!!

By the way, please don't put transgenders in the same paragraph as drag queens. I wear women's clothes because I'm a woman. I really LOVE clothes, but I don't get turned on by them, and don't go around trying to be noticed like most drag queens seem to. I'm a woman, not a man pretending to be a woman for a night on the town with other drag queens. I wish the general public, who all too often lump all of us in as one big group, would see and understand that there are far more dissimilarities than similarities between us transwomen and drag queens and CD/TS. I hope I'm not banned or chastised over this, but I find it offensive to be tagged as a drag queen, just as I find it offensive to be called a '->-bleeped-<-', 'she-male', 'a chick with a d**k', or any of the other gems we can be so disgustingly referred to, mostly by guys, more often than not by guys who get turned on watching porn with transgendered performers with men. Sorry for the diatribe.

[Alice Rogers]

Felt I had to put my two pence worth in the comments here, there is something in my emotional makeup that needs to know my partner has a penis before i'll let myself get attached, I feel a little bad about it but it doesn't seem to be something I can help.

So really my answer would be Cis-men, Non-op Trans-women and those Trans-men lucky enough to be able to afford the bottom surgery.

I can't decide if that makes me complex or really straight forward!

Alice
xx

[Joanna Dark]

I'm dating a man. I'd date a man, trans man, or masculine cis woman. I dated the latter with my only other "real" (read long term) sexual partner (sex was rare). She was very butch then changed and dumped me cause "she needed a man." I have a rare intersex chromosomal disorder. Um, but right now, I'm so in love with this guy that I'm practically Carrie from "Homeland" and would go to Iran and face death if that's what it meant to save him--and that analogy isn't that far-fetched.

All in all, I think I'd just do better with men cause I'm demure and submissive and like it (no love it) that way. If I met the right woman, it could work, though, I think. Uh, I've been transitioning for awhile and dating this guy (or whatever u want to call it) for the last year abouts and have known him for a year and a half, so we were best friends and then became roommates in a 1 BR apt. with one bed before we started umping buglies. PM me for more. I have had an active sex life since transitioning and before HRT I was gender queer.

[sam79]

Like some others here, I've not fully explored my orientation, but I know it's complicated.

Right now, I know that I'm definitely attracted to at least women. Further, I've found myself being attracted to the odd guy, and some transmen, andogynes, and transwomen.

So, I'd rather say that I can be attracted to anyone, completely regardless of gender. It's the emotional connection which is key.

[FrancisAnn]

I'm only sexually attracted to a man & always have been. I consider myself as a hetrosexual woman that loves hetorsexual men. I so look forward to my GRS so I can fully enjoy my sex life with a nice man. There is nothing so exciting to me as a first date with a new man. We usually connect so easy & I'm so glad to be with him. I just kind of melt away & enjoy being a woman with & for him. To feel & fully enjoy a man inside my vagina & body will feel so natural for me.