Mentoring a sister...

[androgynouspainter26]

Hey all!  Thanks for the lovely support last month.  Things are a lot better for myself; I've actually somehow wound up mentoring a trans* girl.  She's deeply repressed, has a long way to come...I'm happy to help her, but I feel like things are starting to get unhealthy.  We were chatting the other day and I mentioned I might be leaving the school (was just a passing thought) and she looked right at me and said "If you left, I'd die".  I'm getting to a point emotionally where I can't always be there for her, not to mention I have a shortage of time.  So, think back to when you were just figuring things out.  What would have helped you keep alive?

She has a therapist, but the therapist isn't helping her, and none of the on-campus therapists really know how to help a trans person.  I've been there myself.  She isn't full time yet or anything, doesn't really have many friends (she has some social barriers to overcome).  She's very close to her mother, but the mother isn't really accepting of her transition, and losing that relationship is even more of an issue.  She's seeking her mother's permission to transition and isn't going to get it....I'm just throwing out ideas here because I figure the more kind trans* minds I get on this the better chance I have of keeping this gal alive.  I feel like there isn't much more I can do for her, but she needs me.  She's said she would die without me.  Oh dear...well internet, advice?  Thanks!

[katiej]

Set boundaries now.  As a mentor, perhaps you could focus on helping her to learn more independence.  For now, she can live vicariously through you.  But she'll need to be able to stand on her own two feet pretty soon...her transition depends on it.

And for you, remember that she isn't your responsibility.  Do what you can, while you can.  Then move on.  And it sounds like she'll be better off for having known you.

[stephaniec]

Set boundaries now.  As a mentor, perhaps you could focus on helping her to learn more independence.  For now, she can live vicariously through you.  But she'll need to be able to stand on her own two feet pretty soon...her transition depends on it.

And for you, remember that she isn't your responsibility.  Do what you can, while you can.  Then move on.  And it sounds like she'll be better off for having known you.

agree

[Joanna Dark]

Do you. But keep in touch with her. It isn't hard to send a text back. But make sure you set boundaries (if it comes to that). No need to set them until things become to stressful. If I was you, I would tell her to transition now and to let the chips fall where they may. Or she risks ending up 31 and only 17 months into transition. My mom set my transition back that long. She must cut the cord.

[androgynouspainter26]

Yeah, the time has come for boundaries.  The problem is she can't survive on her own.  She's-well, she's a bit of a hot mess.  And doesn't have the support she needs.

And yeah, moving forward is what she needs, but not at the expence of her education.  School comes first, as it should.

[Mariah]

Are their any trans support groups in your area? This could be one way to extend her support network. I think everyone else hit anything else that can be done. It's to be bad something can't be done about the therapist issue. I have to assume she is stuck with those available on campus at this point.

Hey all!  Thanks for the lovely support last month.  Things are a lot better for myself; I've actually somehow wound up mentoring a trans* girl.  She's deeply repressed, has a long way to come...I'm happy to help her, but I feel like things are starting to get unhealthy.  We were chatting the other day and I mentioned I might be leaving the school (was just a passing thought) and she looked right at me and said "If you left, I'd die".  I'm getting to a point emotionally where I can't always be there for her, not to mention I have a shortage of time.  So, think back to when you were just figuring things out.  What would have helped you keep alive?

She has a therapist, but the therapist isn't helping her, and none of the on-campus therapists really know how to help a trans person.  I've been there myself.  She isn't full time yet or anything, doesn't really have many friends (she has some social barriers to overcome).  She's very close to her mother, but the mother isn't really accepting of her transition, and losing that relationship is even more of an issue.  She's seeking her mother's permission to transition and isn't going to get it....I'm just throwing out ideas here because I figure the more kind trans* minds I get on this the better chance I have of keeping this gal alive.  I feel like there isn't much more I can do for her, but she needs me.  She's said she would die without me.  Oh dear...well internet, advice?  Thanks!

[androgynouspainter26]

Whelp, She had me up until four am after a hard night; I had to cancel a trip I was going to take because of her!  The only resources we have are the on-campus LGBT clubs, and there aren't any trans* women there.  As is, there are only three trans women here out of four thousand students-it's really crazy! But yeah...she's driving me insane.   

[Mariah]

Whelp, She had me up until four am after a hard night; I had to cancel a trip I was going to take because of her!  The only resources we have are the on-campus LGBT clubs, and there aren't any trans* women there.  As is, there are only three trans women here out of four thousand students-it's really crazy! But yeah...she's driving me insane.

even more the reason boundaries are needed. It saddens me that no additional local resources are available for her there because you need some down time from this too. Both of you will benefit from the boundaries. I know it isn't the same, but I wonder if she would be comfortable at least viewing an online transgender forum then she could ask questions or what ever else once she is comfortable especially maybe with some one else helping her acquainted with the site.