Quote from: Jess42 on October 02, 2014, 05:23:51 PM
Well, right now. I kind of wish I could go tomorrow and get a diagnosis for lung cancer. I wish I was in Dallas and knew the guy that supposedly had Ebola.
*pats back*
sootball isn't ready for your end. the rest of me will accept it though.
kind of interesting thing, that ball of soot.
been a while since i've been down there, those pits of mortal anguish. i prefer playing with fire in hell. a whole lot more fun.
would burning your tortured soul make it stop hurting...?
my perception of my own gender...
probably hasn't changed at all for the last very many years. since the beginning of puberty at least.
i always knew who i am and what i want. interesting to find this in my memory, i always knew the truth, just avoided it for too long.
but something has still changed. not the perception, but more like the perspective.
it's the difference between the future i'd be able to view chained to a heavy rock sinking towards the bottom of a deep dark lake, and the ones i'm able to see on top of a tall mountain no a late summer day.
been almost a year since i found the key to simply be.
knew this was the answer for much longer, but knowing and doing are very different things.
took a while to learn to use the key properly too.
now i can turn off noise when i notice it, or i can let it be for a while if i'd rather know what this noise is.
repressing feelings does no good. but feeling them for days on end does even less good.
instead i'll feel it deeply, know the feeling, and then let it go.
only became possible after i found the key. interesting thing.
still have no idea how it works, but it does.
and it can be used on any feelings, even dysphoria.
the wrongness is still there, felt almost like a physical thing. that won't go away, but the sadness and bitterness do.
so all i have left is a tingle somewhere in the back of my head, that almost feels pleasant.
because it confirms i am me.
