Relationships. Success stories?

[lost.cowboy]

Hey guys.

I apologise if this turns into a lengthy ramble. I'm really feeling the lowest of the low at the moment, and I guess I just want to reach out and see if there is going to be any light at the end of the tunnel.

So, about a week ago the love of my life tells me she wants to break up. She is, literally everything to me. For the first time ever, I had one of those relationships where you live in each other's pockets - because you just can't get enough of each other. We've been together about 18 months, but 2 years all up if you count initial dating and courting etc.

We met at work where I am completely stealth. And, I did not disclose anything when we first started dating and got together. I pretty much made a huge mess of it by lying, covering things up, and doing what I could to appear completely "normal". To be honest in the beginning, I never really believed it would turn into anything because it seemed too good to be true. I honestly didn't know what to do - so I just did nothing, and continued to live the excitement and delight as our relationship developed, and to have someone seeing me / falling for me as ME for the first time.

We fell in love. I'd never been happier, but also never more terrified. Obviously as time went by, I was running out of excuses for not going "all the way". Suddenly, months and months have gone by and I feel like I've backed myself into a corner - how could I let it get this far? Well - it was too easy. Being together is so easy, and we make each other so happy it just sort of.. happened.

Anyway - about 8 months ago, she confronted me with the suspicion that something was up. Also, she'd found my prosthetic glue and was freaking out. It made it so much worse that I didn't bring it up first - but, we talked, I explained a lot of things. She was angry, kicked me out (understandably) and said she needed space to think. A week later I turned up (as agreed). She'd planned to dump me. But then in the process of talking we reconciled, she realised she loved me too much and also loved our life together.

We have a great life - I get on with her family, mutual friends, amazing holidays. I treat her like a princess (surprise trips etc.). We want the same things for the future. So we carry on happily (even taking another big international holiday) and everything is great.

Or so I thought.

It seems she has been torn between loving me and our life together, and having a "normal" life with the "full package" in bed. She misses this element from previous relationships. She says that sex is the elephant in the room we don't talk about. I'm 3-6 months away from Meta surgery and I'd figured everything would be great after this. But she's been thinking that this won't satisfy her sexually, and will be too difficult to start a family.

She then gets pretty graphic about the sort of hot sex she has been missing, and this breaks my heart.

She's been trying for the past few months, but with the sex thing plus the fact that I deceived her in the beginning - she just can't do it. She doesn't trust me, and wants an easy life.


The heartbreak is amplified because of two things that I just can't get out of my head:

1. It's so unfair - if only I had the body THAT I WANT ANYWAY, things would be perfect and we'd be married now.

2. I guess I will never be with anyone - because I need to be seen as a man, which I can't do if I have to disclose everything - how can I still feel like they are seeing me for me?


This has turned into a ramble. Please, if anyone has any relationship success stories would they be able to share?


thank you.

[Kreuzfidel]

Mate, I feel your pain and I'm sorry to hear this.  I just posted my story a few hours ago on another thread.  I was in a pretty similar situation 5 years ago with my partner (now my wife). 

With my situation, my wife and I met on an internet forum - I had not signed up there with the intention of finding love, etc., so I presented as male.  She and I began private messaging each other and it took off from there.  We fell for each other, but my situation was that I didn't want her to know I was trans.  I lied, gave her pics of someone other than myself, all assuming that she'd never want me for me (she's straight) because I feared that she'd never see me as a man (I wasn't on T).

My lies went on for 2 full years.  This included great financial expense for her as she had to cancel planned trips to see me (she booked tickets for international flights as I was in another country).

Long story short, after too many lies and excuses, I finally came out to her and she was crushed by the lies and deceit - but accepted me for me and it didn't change her feelings.  We met and the sex was good (even though it was just a strap-on, I can't be seen or touched "down there") - she'd only ever had one bio-male lover, but it didn't matter to her that my cock was "plastic".  She felt it as an extension of me, and it only made the intimacy stronger for us both.

The fact that, yes the lies hurt her and it took her a while to get over them, she still accepted me and was able to move past all of that - and the fact that, in the end, my physical form meant nothing to her as she only loved me for me, is proof that a meaningful relationship can endure pretty much anything if it's true and real.

I can't really fairly comment on your particular situation as I don't know either of you or your entire history - but if something as shallow as sex with a "real" penis is enough for her to throw away everything else that she supposedly loves about you and your life together - then honestly, mate, painful as it sounds - you don't want to be with someone like that anyway. 

[Contravene]

My girlfriend and I met online and at the time I was presenting as myself, a male or at least as very ambiguous, despite the fact that I'm female bodied. Our friendship online eventually lead to a little crush and a real-life friendship.

As soon as our crush broke that online barrier and became real too I knew I had to tell her about myself. We had become so close and I was scared to death of losing her. This was even before I knew what it meant to be transgender, all I knew to tell her was that I was mentally male but female bodied. She wasn't familiar with any trans terminology either but when I explained everything to her, she understood instantly and we became even closer. She never felt that I lied to her because I didn't. I was being myself, a male, online. If I had been presenting as female that would have been lying because I'm not female despite what my body says.

My girlfriend loves me unconditionally. There have been a lot of times when I've expressed to her my fears of being inadequate because I don't have the full package either yet. Instead of degrading me though, she reassures me that she loves me and that our intimacy is perfect regardless of what kind of package I have.

We've been together for five years now and we're still inseparable. She's not only the love of my life, she's also my best friend, my rock, my confidant and my partner in crime. She makes me feel secure and loved and that's what a relationship should feel like. You shouldn't have to settle for someone who isn't going to love you completely.

It's difficult for you to see this right now because you're still in love with your girlfriend but there's someone much better out there waiting for you and she'll love you for more than just what's between your legs. You shouldn't waste any more of your time on someone who's willing to throw all the good parts of your relationship away for something so shallow. The fact that she's telling you in graphic detail about the type of sex she wants, that she's saying you can't give her, sounds as if she's purposely trying to hurt you too. You shouldn't have to put up with that.

[lost.cowboy]

I just wanted to thank you both for sharing your stories. I'm not doing too good right now but it means a lot that two people took the time for me.

Thank you