18 and HRT desires

[kaylagirl0806]

 I turned 18 in August and since then it has become increasingly clear to me that I have no future as a man. I don't want to be a man and lately whenever anyone refers to me with male pronouns I cringe I've also discovered a strong attraction to guys?! I truly have zero support from my parents and have tried to come out to them 3 times but they won't let me. Any time I do something remotely feminine such as shaving my body hair (I hate that too) I get in trouble and end up losing things. I really want to transition super badly and have already asked for a therapist but they said no to that as well. It's like they don't want me to be a woman. They want me to be happy as a man, and right now that's not going to happen. What can I do to start transitioning mentally and physically right now as I can't do this any longer
Kayla

[KarynMcD]

Did you finish high school?
Get a job and move out.

[kaylagirl0806]

I'm in my senior year So no, i'm not finished. And they're paying for my college

[kaylagirl0806]

It's gotten to the point of where I don't know how to make them see that this is not just a phase. That I a m a girl and I should have been born one

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

I think most parents who start like that, don't give up trying to push you in that direction until sometime after you have transitioned and shown them that you are happy and 'can do this'. That's just from reading these boards though. 

[kaylagirl0806]

That's really hard for me then  They make my life a living hell after they catch me with feminine things or acting feminine. They take my keys and licence so I can't buy anything else

[kaylagirl0806]

And won't give them back until I promise that I'm done with all of this "->-bleeped-<-" I promise and it feels terrible because I feel like I'm hurting my female identity.

[Lady_Oracle]

I say keep doing it, do whatever you can. If they keep giving you opposition to your transition, you have to show a stronger resolve and continue to push for what you truly want. Else they're just gonna push you around until you break, which is no good. I know its really tough but you have to show them that you're very serious about transition so keep doing what you can for yourself. I know it feels like an uphill battle but that's what we're here for, support!

If anything, you can start working on your voice!

[kaylagirl0806]

Thanks LadyOracle, I hadn't thought about practicing my voice! I don't know how I can keep doing that. They always make me confused and my dad screams at me. I don't like confrontation They take away everything I buy that's feminine

[kaylagirl0806]

I'm now pretty much terrified of getting caught

[kaylagirl0806]

 

[BreezyB]

Hi Kayla,

I really feel for you sweetie, it can be so hard when we know who we are but forces outside of our control prevent us pursuing that.

I live in Australia and the age of consent is 18, that means you can legally make decisions about health etc. does your college have a school councillor you could speak to, would you feel comfortable doing that? I know where I live we have a youth gender program. Perhaps you could make some enquiries about starting your journey. I mean it's not all about HRT and surgery. A well thought out plan should include the things we don't see. So perhaps it would be beneficial to you to speak with a gender therapist or psychologist? I mean it's the place we have to start where I live and can provide lots of help in tackling life challenges such as what your facing with your parents.

It's so hard when we can't be ourselves, I did it for 36 years and I just wish I had transitioned earlier in life. But definetly keep your schooling going, it'll be so important for the future. Stay strong Kayla, you'll get there. This roads certainly not easy, but I know you'll get to where you want to be.

Big hugs,
Bree

[Lady_Oracle]

Thanks LadyOracle, I hadn't thought about practicing my voice! I don't know how I can keep doing that. They always make me confused and my dad screams at me. I don't like confrontation They take away everything I buy that's feminine

maybe you could ask a friend to keep your stuff for you? I almost had to do that since I sort of went through what you did when I was a teenager too. But yes work on your voice, at the very least that will ease your dysphoria a ton once you have your speaking voice down. Yeah I hate confrontation too but this is your life you have to take command of it, especially since you're 18 now.

[kaylagirl0806]

None of my friends know about Kayla . I'm to scared to tell them. I've only considered telling one girl I know but I've been going back and forth about whether or not I would be rejected.

[kaylagirl0806]

I don't know of any youth gender program in my area. While I'm 18 my parents still mostly control my health decisions. I've already asked them for therapy and they said absolutely not. I am in high school and I don't feel comfortable about discussing this with them bc mostly what counselors do for us at my school is talk about college.

[kaylagirl0806]

So I'm going to work on my voice for sure. Anyone else have things that were successful for them?

[BreezyB]

You could try contacting the Transgender Insitute in Missouri. They might have something closer to you.

http://www.transinstitute.org/

You could start a skin care regime. Not sure how doable without your parents noticing but hey, is just cleanser and moisturiser right lol

I also find forums such as Susans Place very useful. Early on I did as much research as I could about what it means to be transgender, I read lots of books and still do on the subject.

[Lady_Oracle]

Oh start practicing yoga! That helped bring up my self esteem a bit.

[kaylagirl0806]

Yoga!!! Nothing very manly about that at all

[kaylagirl0806]

What kind of skincare regimine? Like what do you reccomend?