Are we hated ?!

[jossef-ftm]

i'm depressed and suicidal lately , like really depressed this time and i feel its not like before i mean i had that feeling before cause of my case and that i cant change anything cause i live in this stupid country but i was always get down and have hope and back again but this time no i feel its the last, i'm really tired of all that and all the gender and identity thing i hate hearing this words again i'm complettly tired..before like a week my father and i start a long conversation and he was sure that god hate me and us (lgbt) and how ashamed i should be , he was like u dont understand how embarrassed and ashamed u make me look front of people they keep refer u as a he and i have to correct them and hear all the sh** from them ,he said also that i cant be alive more couple years if i stay this way he was like someday u will find ur self alone and u dont even have a damn job ,do u think u will have a job and u look like this,u make people scared cause they cant decide what is u?!! after all that i was depresssed i know this is me the real me and i wont never change even if they shot my head but am i really that bad, i mean i'm in a point that i start think that god really hate me maybe that sound crazy but i really start to think i'm hated i dont know what to do all jobs i applied they say yes but when they see me they refuse to give me the job i'm siting here sleeping all day my sis is going to marry and have a great life ,and  my parents enjoy there life and i'm here idk what i'm doing i dont know even why i'm still alive i wish this heart just stop beating cause if i'm wrong of being me and i'm hated from god i dont wanna be hated more i just wanna die and dissapear, mom also was like ok lets pretend u r right and u r a man and all what the point of taking T and look like a male but u r not a man in reality u will be just something look like a man,dad was like i know being gay and les is wrong but in the first time in my life i wished u r a les and not this crap in ur head at last u will have a job and u wont live a crazy life like u do now and trust me u will have soon to chose between straight up or stop living u will have to make a choose soon, cause life is not how u think maybe we r our parents and buy u clothes u love and all but life not like this u have to be what god make u, god made u who u r and u try to hide it and create an other person that u r not and u still think he love u!!!! anyway just want to share what happened cause i dont have no one can understand my feelings ..and am i really that bad , do i even deserve to be alive!!

[lost.cowboy]

OF COURSE you deserve to be alive.

Your parents do love you - they just don't understand.

It sounds like your country may not be able to give you the future you deserve. Do you have a plan to be able to move elsewhere in the future?

[jossef-ftm]

i need to find a job first to have money so i can travel and thats seems impossible here

[jossef-ftm]

( this is the other part of the conversation) we never talk this way before i mean we dont open this subjects cause we are a religious muslim family but it just started cause i was complaning that i cant have a job even with all my diplomas, dad also was we dont chose what we are but we accept what god made us and u want to change god creature its like u telling him no i will not be the person u chosed ...i'm scared how u will gonna face him when u die what u will gonna tell him , i see all the rights they gave all over the world to gay people and i see everyday a kid life get fu** cause he have 2 moms or 2 dads does that look ok with u!!! does it look fine and normal cause if u think that then u have a mental issues, i see and know everything and just we dont talk about it dont mean i dont know what u do...life is not complicated but we chose to make it complicated and u chosed to be sad and alone and all the crap..

[nguoiviet]

qquietly remember, in the face of all the upheaval that may result, that yuo are the person who must live this life, and even if your parents are unhappy or even angry, it is your life to live and they really can't stop you from doing so unless you allow it.

[zero.cool.crash.override]

God made you trans.  You and I and the rest of us know that you can't change that, but I'm sorry that your parents don't see it.  Sounds like you're open to moving out of your country when you can manage it.  Keep trying to get a job, even though you get rejected over and over again.  Get creative in the job hunt, just don't do anything unsafe.  If I had to wear a woman's dress every day for a year in order to earn enough money to move to a place where I could be myself, then I would do it, hating it every day but focusing on my goal.  (Don't hate me for saying that.  I'm talking about personal safety and survival.  We have a human right to be trans and unashamed of it, and we ought not be pressured to suppress our own true gender identity.  Again, I'm talking about prudent survival.) 

You're in a really bad place right now, Jossef.  Stay strong and keep fighting.  Your life really can improve from where you are now. 

[Ryan55]

You deserve to be alive and you will get hired. I work two jobs right now, one is part time at lowes (retail store), I applied using my legal name and gender but I slowly have people calling me by my preferred name and using right pronouns there.  The other is a staff accountant job at a CPA firm, again I applied using my legal name, but I went to the interview looking and dressed like a dude and I got hired still. I still haven't figured out a way to let them know I'm trans though but at least I don't have to look like a chick.  You will get hired and you are worth being alive. I know it's hard to see right now. My mom at first said the same ->-bleeped-<- like your dad but ay you hVe to prove them wrong. There are people out there that aren't so "right winged". Keep your head up, it will get better.

[Natkat]

I wonder if you cant find a job in your country it would be posible for you to working abord by using the internet? if you in general got a good education maybe it could be an option for you to own money by that. or you could join an intership work such as working on a cruse ship where theres many people from diffrent countrys and by that having diffrent expressions?

these are idears I came up with.

I know it difficult and so, I dont belive your famely hate you but they do not understand.
ignorance and un-education can mean alot. I got the feeling that your parrent have no accese to these and also are very scared for you and the famely.

I am not the person to ask for religious opinions but I dont belive god hates people being lgbt.
people say its written so in the bible, and quran, but people also forget that our history are old and been changed during time. theres many places showing acceptance in culture and spiritually which then later turned into hate, and we focus on that, while theres so many other things which could be focused on. I belive the hate comes from people being scared and ignorant and not from god or any original script cause the history is way more complect than what people usunally put it out to be.
-
we talked for a long time ago and I think I gave you the contact for some people dealing with muslim/middle east backgrounded glbt people? I hope you still got the contact to writte them if needed, otherwise you can sent me a pm and I will sent it to you.

[stephaniec]

God definitely doesn't  hate what god created, humans create hate from the free will god gave them.

[aleon515]

I think there is hatred of the "other" and the other can be defined by whoever is not like oneself and that could be nobody (in that we are all human) or it could start targeting people with some kind of difference or other (racial, cultural, disability, etc.). And it could be VERY little differences. I was online looking for a phone app so I could find my car in a huge parking area (1000s of cars). I found them, but in the process found people writing the most hateful things that I have only really seen in, well transgender comments on youtube! Why were people hateful against people who can't find their car, seems like a minor thing really. But I suppose proves if people want to hate, they will find reasons to hate. There is nothing wrong with being transgender but there are people who hate it as being the other. But you deserve to live and thrive.

--Jay