Am I Helping Too Much

[kathyk]

At the request of a therapist I've been helping a new girl from one of my groups get out and be more social, shop for clothes, and find friends.  And I've often been a very understanding shoulder to cry on, and for her to find sympathy.  She texted me a couple times when she was close to ending her life, and in her extreme distress we'd meet for a meal and long talks.  Those discussions went on until she relaxed and was comfortable in calling her therapist.  I guess I want to help my friend, and want her to live happily in her transition without hurting herself. 

We've gone on all day shopping excursions, and spent hours sipping coffee, so naturally I've let her open up with all her fears.  She's my age, and is going through many of the same tribulations I suffered in the begining.  I want to continue helping, but worry that she's becoming dependant on me for support.  I'm not a perfect person in even the slimest scense, and that's been explained to her many times.  So am I wrong for questioning what I'm doing? My wife says I'm going to end up hurting myself, or become an unremovable cruch for this lovely woman.  And most of all, I do not want to hurt her.

We're going to a social group in an hour, and I'm hoping she finds some new friends.  And that makes me feel guilty of ... who knows what.  I'm just not a therapist, teacher, or good mentor. 

K

[Jessica Merriman]

Kathy you are doing fine it's just some people will stretch the patience of people at times. Just continue being a friend and know you are doing your best. It sounds like you are going to have to establish some ground rules for her though. Some people will have to learn to stand on their own two feet and get on with life. Whatever the result is no blame will rest on you, OK? 

[Ms Grace]

First of all, what a wonderful thing you are doing - and it sounds like you are doing a great job. You can be her support and friend but you can't be her therapist. I'd suggest you talk to your therapist about how to set and maintain some boundaries so the nature of the relationship doesn't get blurred.

[mrs izzy]

It truly is not easy to have girls under our wings. It can be happy times to deep dark.

Just being someone had in person is what it's about. No one has all the answers but we can be there if needed.

Hugs to you and please watch the back side of the dark periods. Remember same as your girl you need to reach out when it gets hard emotions.

[kathyk]

Thanks girls.  She's going to be here in a couple minutes.

Yes Grace, I'm worried about boundaries also. Unfortunately we both have the same therapist, and she's the one who suggested we do stuff together.  It was a good idea at first, but it's a bit past that.  And like I said hurting this girls feelings is not something that should happen, especially in her current mental state.

K

[Jess42]

To me it seems like you are being a genuine caring human being and a really good friend. You don't have to be a therapist to listen and let someone pour their heart out to you and show compassion and empathy. You don't have a degree in psychology to keep someone from committing the unthinkable either. Just be a good friend and confidant and truly care.

You are amazing.

[katiej]

Boundaries are important.  But perhaps the diplomatic way to approach it with her is that you think she ought to develop some more independence and a wider circle of friends.  It's not that you're pulling away necessarily, but that you know you're limited and she needs more.  Could that work?

[LizMarie]

Boundaries are important.  But perhaps the diplomatic way to approach it with her is that you think she ought to develop some more independence and a wider circle of friends.  It's not that you're pulling away necessarily, but that you know you're limited and she needs more.  Could that work?

I like Katiej's suggestion! Give that a try?