Online does help

[Alexis2107]

I am biologically male, 31 and cognitively female.  Since having the internet at age 12, I've always held and maintained a female identity through chat rooms, posting, and now a thing called Second Life, I have my female avatar, which I consider to be.. me.  Anyways, I have held a distant relationship with someone for the past three years, online.  Recently, back in April, I had some major health problems, having pancreatitis which triggered other health problems such as diabetes, diagnoses with heart problems, and other issues.  Four months in the hospital, finally getting out, been a long road to recovery.  I have lost significant weight, about 70lbs, within 4 months and now I am down to my ideal weight and doing everything possible to maintain and even lower it (lol). 

All my life I knew something wasn't wired right, because I have always had a strong feminine side moreover than a masculine side.  I was once married to a woman for about four years, and when we were having baby making issues, I went to go see a doctor.  The doctor said my body don't produce much testosterone and produces estrogen.  Wanted to basically place me on HRT but for female to male.  I told him to shove it and keep his pills, I am not changing my hormones lol.  If anything, will be other way around.  Anyways, after some time, I have found that having a relationship with a woman is not for me.  I am all for gay and lesbians, but girls, not sure how you do it.  One woman is drama enough, putting two together, is just too much estrogen in the air!  So, after my divorce I kept away from women, knowing not to make this mistake again.  I couldn't see myself pleasing a man as a man, but I hadn't any resources, support, or anything as I worked inside a prison facility... I couldn't transition from male to female while doing that line of work, obviously.  If anyone HAS, please, tell me how it went!!  You're awesome if you could. 

Anyways, after my health problems after this year I applied and got social security/disability right away.  I have very complex medication conditions and chronic enough to where I couldn't hold a job as I can be in/out of hospitals regularly.  Anyways, about a month after being out of the hospital, I decided to tell my online boyfriend from Second Life that I am biologically a male.  He understood, and more than ever supported me into transitioning from male to female and since he is not in a relationship, like myself, we decided to be together after subtle change take place, I am guessing 5 to 7 months down the road of HRT.  So, I have started with my therapy sessions last month and explained everything to my therapist.  She has no doubt that I have gender identity disorder she said in our first session, but still wants to see me for a second session before getting my letter to start HRT's.  So the 16th of this month, I am going back.  The plan is next spring, I am moving out of state to start my identity as a woman.  I am really not so certain how to tell family or if I will be able to up until the actual day I move.  He's flying here to drive me back to his state as he don't want me to drive the far distance. 

I have never been through a real male puberty, my voice hasn't changed and sounds feminine rather than emasculate.  I don't have an adams apple and my I am relatively short, small hands/feet/etc.  My hair throughout my body don't grow much.  So I am thinking my transition over will not be as hard as I at first made it out to be. 
Anyways, since medicare now pays for sex reassignment surgery as well as obamacare, I have the resources to change over to my identity where as before I couldn't.  Now, I don't have the job portion to worry about.  We both believe that God arranged this so we could be together. 


Thanks for taking time reading-- Sorry for being sooo long xD

[♥︎ SarahD ♥︎]

Hay Alexis!  ♥︎Welcome to the family hunni!♥︎

I think our generation is very lucky.  Unlike past generations who could only experiment in secret in their bedrooms or at the few trans*-friendly clubs (etc) that were around, we've had these extra outlets for exploring ourselves (namely internet forums / chat rooms etc and online gaming).

I - and many others around here - have done much the same over the years with letting our true selves out when we're online.  Personally I feel that it's prevented me from getting depressed about my situation, although internet / gaming addiction is something I've suffered from and can be seen as equally destructive behaviour, so I guess there's always a price to pay.  I'd prefer that destructive behaviour over depression though, so all in all I still feel pretty damn lucky to have been born when I was

I made a Second Life account myself about a year ago when I finally came out to myself about being trans*.  It was great being able to be female fully for the first time, and not have a background feeling of "guilt" that I was born male (i.e. I didn't feel the need to "come clean" to those I was talking to online - as far as they know I'm a cis-gendered girl, and that's how I hope it'll stay! ).  I've not been on much lately because work and stress and life etc lol, but if you want a chat, I'm KiraD52 in-game   Bearing in mind I'm still very early in this process myself and I'm still exploring and learning things, so I'm not sure how much help I can be lol

Sorry to hear about your relationship and health issues though hun   hopefully now that you're discovering your true self, things will start slotting into place and you'll be able to find happiness   It wouldn't surprise me if some of your health issues improve too - happiness is proven to be the best medicine, after all

Wishing you all the best in your journey hunni!  Hope to see you around ♥︎*Hugs*♥︎

EDIT: oh and yeh, I'm fairly sure there's a few around here who have transitioned while working in a prison.  There's also a fair few who have been in the military too, so I'm sure you'll get some advice from them ♥︎

[Alexis2107]

Thanks Kira  

It took me quite a few years on Second Life to actually tell a few friends that I am close to my entire situation.  All my friends, except my boyfriend of course, are biological females.  They were understanding and started to give me heaps of advice on makeup, different products to try, what works and don't work... so I have got a lot of help from my girl friends.  To them, I was and always have been female.  And sure, I'll look you up in world and we can chat, my boyfriend and I are building a roleplay sim at the moment (:

[Taka]

online i've had my gay community who accepted me as one of them despite my female body. was how i started truly realizing how not cis i really am. i also have this community of manga/webtoon fans. i ended up joining as male. and continue to exist as that there. i somehow ended up getting a whole lot of good friends there, and quite a few know my past as well as my present.

i haven't really tried explaing the non-binary thing outside susan's forums though. i don't really find that relevant to most.
one friend kind of probably knows. and a few more will get to know starting next week. but only offline.
my online male identity is too male to accept being seen as anything else. a kind of interesting guy, that one.

[♥︎ SarahD ♥︎]

Aww that's awesome to hear hun   It just goes to show that LGBT attitudes are changing for the better.  There's still lots of work to do, but credit where it's due I think our generation is the most tolerant and understanding so far.  The Age of Information is clearly shining its light into the dark corners of ignorance

And awesome! *hugs* I look forward to hanging out hun!   It may be a few days before I'm online though - I'm on anti-biotics at the moment thanks to a bad chest infection, so not feeling much like gaming right now   Once I'm back on my feet though we'll definitely catch up! ♥︎

[Alexis2107]

Aww that's awesome to hear hun   It just goes to show that LGBT attitudes are changing for the better.  There's still lots of work to do, but credit where it's due I think our generation is the most tolerant and understanding so far.  The Age of Information is clearly shining its light into the dark corners of ignorance

And awesome! *hugs* I look forward to hanging out hun!   It may be a few days before I'm online though - I'm on anti-biotics at the moment thanks to a bad chest infection, so not feeling much like gaming right now   Once I'm back on my feet though we'll definitely catch up! ♥︎

Sure - sent you a message in world.  And I know exactly how you feel, when I got out of hospital it took me a good month before I could even attempt second life again or even be on the computer at all.

[SoroyaAR]

It took me quite a few years on Second Life to actually tell a few friends that I am close to my entire situation.  All my friends, except my boyfriend of course, are biological females.  They were understanding and started to give me heaps of advice on makeup, different products to try, what works and don't work... so I have got a lot of help from my girl friends.  To them, I was and always have been female.  And sure, I'll look you up in world and we can chat, my boyfriend and I are building a roleplay sim at the moment (:

I'm on Second Life as well, you should look me up and say 'hi'   It's always nice to make new friends!  PM me or my screen name.

[Alexis2107]

I'm on Second Life as well, you should look me up and say 'hi'   It's always nice to make new friends!  PM me or my screen name.

Couldn't figure out where to send a PM but sent you an email.

Take care <3

[Jessica Merriman]

Anyways, since medicare now pays for sex reassignment surgery as well as obamacare, I have the resources to change over to my identity where as before I couldn't.

I hate to break this too you, but being on Medicare myself I can tell you NO U.S. Surgeon will accept Medicare for SRS. I am in the same boat as you, but it could be a very long wait. Medicare can only be used for Surgeons inside the U.S so even if you found one who took insurance if they are outside the U.S. you are still out of luck. Yes, I have personally communicated with every single SRS Surgeon in the U.S. I was told no be every one of them. They indicated that they have not even started negotiation with Medicare for future assignment as well.

[OlderTG]

I wish you all the happiness in the world. You've lived through enough unhappiness already.

You've gotten a lot of good support on this already and I want what I have to say taken as support as well. I truly hope your new relationship works out well. You've been communicating with your online friend over a good length of time and have professed your love of one another. Great! You are far from a teenager (no offense to teenagers, but there is sometimes no substitute for life experience) and so I don't doubt your feelings at all, or those of your friend. And it is quite possible that God intends for you to be together.

All that said, please don't forget that the quality and tone of an online relationship can be totally different from a face to face relationship - even if you've had face to face online communication. Being physically present is not the same as getting to know someone online - even as intimately as each of you may have revealed yourself to the other. This is just a reminder to go into this new relationship realizing that this is at least a turn in your relationship; it will not likely be the same as it was online. I hope you can go slowly and build the person to person trust, affection and love that you've already established online.

You're making a big commitment in your life and you absolutely must do that. This relationship is shaping up to be a large part of that new commitment and so it's important to do all you can to make sure it's a healthy relationship. Don't take anything for granted, but go slowly and carefully so that neither of you ends up surprised or unhappy. You need healthy connections to real flesh and blood; I hope with all my heart that this friend is one who can give that connection to you. And try also to make other healthy connections; don't let this new relationship be your entire life. As you're able, reach out to others, make friends and build multiple relationships.

Sorry for being 'preachy' but I think we all need to be careful as we proceed into our new lives. Hugs.
Paula

[Alexis2107]

I hate to break this too you, but being on Medicare myself I can tell you NO U.S. Surgeon will accept Medicare for SRS. I am in the same boat as you, but it could be a very long wait. Medicare can only be used for Surgeons inside the U.S so even if you found one who took insurance if they are outside the U.S. you are still out of luck. Yes, I have personally communicated with every single SRS Surgeon in the U.S. I was told no be every one of them. They indicated that they have not even started negotiation with Medicare for future assignment as well.

Well, now that Obamacare aka healthcare.gov now requires private insurers to accept, and that is where I am current at.  I am not really wanting medicare, as obamacare seems to be much better in coverage.  My mother has medicare and even with supplemental, it really isn't as good as what I have.  I get all my prescriptions paid for, $10 co pay to doctors, and no emergency room fees and I only pay $30/mo for it.  I am not certain on medicare, if doctors can legally reject someone on sole base of them being a medicare patient, that sound's a little bit fishy to me.  However, Anthem and other insurances cannot reject these claims as per new policies were set in place this summer.  Maybe should look into ditching medicare for healthcare.gov?  My therapist said she's helped her first patient on obamacare, already, to get the surgery paid for.

[Alexis2107]

I wish you all the happiness in the world. You've lived through enough unhappiness already.

You've gotten a lot of good support on this already and I want what I have to say taken as support as well. I truly hope your new relationship works out well. You've been communicating with your online friend over a good length of time and have professed your love of one another. Great! You are far from a teenager (no offense to teenagers, but there is sometimes no substitute for life experience) and so I don't doubt your feelings at all, or those of your friend. And it is quite possible that God intends for you to be together.

All that said, please don't forget that the quality and tone of an online relationship can be totally different from a face to face relationship - even if you've had face to face online communication. Being physically present is not the same as getting to know someone online - even as intimately as each of you may have revealed yourself to the other. This is just a reminder to go into this new relationship realizing that this is at least a turn in your relationship; it will not likely be the same as it was online. I hope you can go slowly and build the person to person trust, affection and love that you've already established online.

You're making a big commitment in your life and you absolutely must do that. This relationship is shaping up to be a large part of that new commitment and so it's important to do all you can to make sure it's a healthy relationship. Don't take anything for granted, but go slowly and carefully so that neither of you ends up surprised or unhappy. You need healthy connections to real flesh and blood; I hope with all my heart that this friend is one who can give that connection to you. And try also to make other healthy connections; don't let this new relationship be your entire life. As you're able, reach out to others, make friends and build multiple relationships.

Sorry for being 'preachy' but I think we all need to be careful as we proceed into our new lives. Hugs.
Paula

aw thanks Paula  

It is hard to explain, it is just more than text on a screen now.  We are in facetime (video chat) and telephone.  Just waiting for the HRT's to start soon.  I've been around the block a couple times and know about not rushing.  He tells me several times he fell in love with me not my body, even though I worry over and over about having the perfect body, though... I know regardless, he will love me if I don't.  I just have to maintain attractiveness, and by that meaning, as a female.  He isn't attracted to a male body.  I am getting two things I've wanted, the transition over to female and getting him in my real life, rather than online life.  I will be uprooting my life, changing my sex, and moving to another state.  This kind of decision to do all this isn't an easy one and isn't a rushed one.  I look at it this way, I only get to live once -- why be depressed?  I want to do something about it.

I really do appreciate the wisdom, I am never too young or old to grasp on more (:

[♥︎ SarahD ♥︎]

...I look at it this way, I only get to live once -- why be depressed?  I want to do something about it...

Waitwaitwait... did you just basically say "YOLO" to major life changes??  Lmao!! 

Seriously though, Paula is right - be careful hun.  Things like Facetime still isn't quite the same thing as real interaction.  You're still only interacting for comparatively short periods of time, which isn't the same as spending a whole week (or more) 24/7 in someone's company.  You see things in them that you never got to see online.  I'm speaking from experience here btw lol

Not trying to discourage you, just - be careful, and if there's any sign of trouble - GTFO, ok? ♥︎