6 months in and started questioning it!!

[Ali]

Hi ladies and gentlemen,

I am MTF trans* hitting the 6 months mark in couple of days. I started to have this feeling of question the decision I made. I don't know if this part of the journey of transitioning or should I be worried about it. Did any of you ladies or gentlemen went through such thing?

I know deep in me that is the right thing to do but I had family pressure ( who don't know yet ) of being a man and what should I be doing as a man ( marriage, kids, career). Also feeling guilty that I will disappoint my family in me by being who I am and kinda thinking that I did hide for that long I might as well hide for life and be " normal " and keep everything as is, yet I have been there and know how it feels and I really don't want to live the miserable life I was living before knowing who I really am.

I will take this to therapy but I thought sharing it might help too.

thanks
xoxo

[helen2010]

Ali

Many of us have had similar questions.  Doubts are normal.  Folk expect us to perform the role that they are used to seeing.  Transitioning will change how folk view you and how you view yourself.  This is a selfish act, but for many of us transitioning is also a necessary act.  Dysphoria is masked by hrt.  Stop hrt and voila, dysphoria returns.

Life involves many compromises and many difficult decisions.  Only you, working with your therapist, can determine what your identity us, to accept this and to choose how you wish to live your life.  There is no wrong or right answer, only your answer. 

Safe travels

Aisla

[Ms Grace]

I would echo what Aisla says. I'll add that there are plenty of people who have tried to live up to family expectations, didn't transition, have become a husband and even a father without their dysphoria being alleviated and often becoming worse. They can often find themselves in an even harder position, more desperate to transition than before but now caught up in a relationship with people they love but who might reject them completely. Basically your decision to transition or not should be yours alone not from undue pressure by others.

[Ali]

Thanks Ms Grace and Aisla,

I totally agree with what you said and I believe that it is my own decision and no one has a say in it but me. I guess what I was asking is that how to make peace with it and deal with the hesitating phase of transition? As I am now going through this phase of doubting and questioning my decisions I still feel happier or at least part of me is happy and wanting this and I can see how happy and in tune my body and mind will be but still as the journey progress I question it.
Not sure what I am looking for or trying to say but it is comforting to know that some us go through similar phases through out the journey and we can share what helped for us which might help others too.

Thanks again
hugs