Ftm, one child, aged seven, I am the birth parent.
She was not very queer when she was younger, but she accepted when I at four told her I changed my name (to a gender neutral one), and that I would no longer be called -my languages version of mom-. I introduced my name through a playful way, telling stories about her and me in third person, to make the name as familiar as possible quickly. She had no problems with that. I met my partner when she was five, and my daughter proposed quickly that my partner could be her parent, if she wanted to. My partner accepted. Then she had to AFAB parents, one identifying as a man, one as woman, both using names and not mom/dad.
Next thing is a second name change (we moved to a country where my masculine sounding name suddenly was very femme, what luck). She is almost six, and completely queer. She starts using it immediately, plus changes her own name. Her new name is actually a pretty good choice, but the spelling is creative. Haha. Everybody uses her preferred new name for everything. So maybe allow for nicknames? Name everything in the house, dolls and plants.
At six and some months I tell her I am going to start taking moustache medicine. She is excited for me and supportive. Now she is seven and a half. She identifies as both boy and girl and is fine with any pronoun. She is read as boy or girl depending on clothing, that she chooses herself.
As for me, I am read as her big brother. People think I am fifteen. They never read me as the mom or anything like that. Actually people often think my wife (who is beautiful and young- she is 25) is both our daughters and my mother!
Our child is home schooled, so we can avoid Christian conservative people from her environment. But she has had friends asking her : who is your dad? and when she answered that I was her dad, the other child would act confused ( it had obviously been a topic in her friends house).
But it feels soo good not to be a mom anymore! To all trans women who are doubting whether or not you are a mother: if you are judged by any of the standards of a woman, and you are a parent, you are a mother! Those standards are so different than for men, how you must be caring enough and cautious enough and pretty enough and all of that. If anyone sees a guy put on a band-aid on a kid, he is a great dad, if a woman does it, she should have washed the wound first and put neosporin on or whatever. So please, take mothers day, birthgiving is not a big thing.
I would change the environment if gets to hostile. Change the school, or home school or move. And expect the kid to benefit from your decision. You are not depressed/at least not suicidal anymore, you are a parent and you will stick around!
