Absolutely livid

[Rawb]

My Ex is my drive to school and back (I have a car, but not my licence, and he has his licence but not his car, so it's mostly convenience for both of us), and today we were talking about the process of our divorce. And he says, "Well, if you want to get it expedited, you could go for infedelity."

I wanted to smack him for that, or scream at him, but my 3-year-old was in the car, so I kept quiet, but I was so livid that I was literally shaking. We broke up back before summer, I didn't start dating my sweetie until September 29th, and the ONLY reason we aren't legally separated yet is because he can't afford a place of his own to move out to, and I'm not so mean that I'm going to kick him out and be homeless.

I'm just so upset at how ingrateful and selfish and cruel he is, and wow, I just. I want to cry and rage and half of me wants to kick him out, but I still, EVEN AFTER THAT, don't want to make him homeless.

I'm so upset. I'm shaking. And now I'm at school, and class starts in an hour. And I'm just. I can't even put into words, how angry I am.

[Alice Rogers]

Deep breath hun, when I divorced my ex wife we used infidelity too. Neither of us had cheated but it sped things up nicely and it's not like anyone sees those documents once its all over and done with!

Alice
xx

[Tysilio]

Yes to the deep breath, Rawb... easy there, big fella.

Forgive me if I'm being obtuse, but why are you so angry? I'm not sure from your post what he meant (or what you thought he meant). Was he saying that you'd been unfaithful? That he'd been? Or was he, as Alice implied, suggesting you use this in your divorce as a convenient fiction? I'm guessing that the last wouldn't have pushed your buttons, so what did?

Gotta figure that out before offering advice, except that if you're not sure about what he meant, it would be good to ask him (if you can do that without blowing up).

[Rawb]

He was saying that I was being unfaithful, because I have a boyfriend now. Because I have a boyfriend and we're not legally separated yet. But the only reason why we're not legally separated yet, is because to do that we have to physically be separated, and my ex can't afford to have his own place and I won't make him homeless.

He didn't offer the idea to be helpful, he said it with snark and malice, and was accusing me of being unfaithful.

[Tysilio]

That... is very bad manners, when you're the reason he's not homeless. Perhaps, if he can't manage to be civil, he's not someone you want to be living with. You might point that out to him.

[Alice Rogers]

He was saying that I was being unfaithful, because I have a boyfriend now. Because I have a boyfriend and we're not legally separated yet. But the only reason why we're not legally separated yet, is because to do that we have to physically be separated, and my ex can't afford to have his own place and I won't make him homeless.

He didn't offer the idea to be helpful, he said it with snark and malice, and was accusing me of being unfaithful.

The best way I can think of to get your own back on him would be to grin and embrace the idea, act as if the idea is perfect and as if his malice totally passed you by.

Trust me, it'll drive him nuts! (AND you'll get the quick divorce out of it! Using his own nastiness against him!)

Alice
xx

[Rawb]

Yehh, but,
we also have two little boys together.
If I put down on the divorce thing that we're breaking up due to my infidelity, then that hurts me on the custody side of things.
He is mentally abusive, has anger issues and is trying for joint custody.
I don't want my kids to be exposed to that anymore, so I'm going for sole.

It doesn't matter though, I'm moving out to my own place on Nov.1st.

[Alice Rogers]

That makes sense, you never know how it would affect the kids in that case.

Good luck with everything and I hope your move goes well.