Lying to partner? Saying scars from a cyst etc

[butterflies]

spend more time trying to surround myself with people who accept me for who I am, not who I wish I was.

You can't forget it, that's too bad. My mind has already begun the process.of altering my memories. I'm not even actively trying. If a memory from my childhood pops up in my head, I'm a girl in it. I imagine it's how I would have actually looked like with different chromosomes. My brain can be very realistic! So, should I call a therapist and have me locked up? Or just stay quiet about it and thank my luck?.I think I'll go with the latter...
I don't understand... you went into all that trouble to change the cards you were dealt with, but you want your partner and friends to accept the cards you were dealt with as a priority to accepting the cards you hold NOW? But why live in the past?

Ps your profile pic is very clever

[kelly_aus]

You can't forget it, that's too bad. My mind has already begun the process.of altering my memories. I'm not even actively trying. If a memory from my childhood pops up in my head, I'm a girl in it. I imagine it's how I would have actually looked like with different chromosomes. My brain can be very realistic! So, should I call a therapist and have me locked up? Or just stay quiet about it and thank my luck?.I think I'll go with the latter...
I don't understand... you went into all that trouble to change the cards you were dealt with, but you want your partner and friends to accept the cards you were dealt with as a priority to accepting the cards you hold NOW? But why live in the past?

Ps your profile pic is very clever

Your past is part of who you are.. You cannot escape it..

PS: No matter how well you think you've hidden it, your past will be findable..

[butterflies]

Your past is part of who you are.. You cannot escape it..

PS: No matter how well you think you've hidden it, your past will be findable..

I'm not surprised that's true for you. I am really sorry though. I'm sorry those statements are true for you. They aren't for me. I'm smart enough to leave it at that. I won't go into detail. But I'm almost done now
I can say this much: you're assuming TO much by assuming that there is anything left to find and by assuming that for a large part, there ever was.
We come from very different backgrounds.

[Jessica Merriman]

I'm not surprised that's true for you. I am really sorry though. I'm sorry those statements are true for you. They aren't for me. I'm smart enough to leave it at that. I won't go into detail. But I'm almost done now
I can say this much: you're assuming TO much by assuming that there is anything left to find and by assuming that for a large part, there ever was.
We come from very different backgrounds.

This day and age of computers you really think you are that clever? I can find out your life story in 30 minutes or less. Less if I use the computers at the Sheriff's Office I used to be stationed at. To deceive is to play an incredibly risky game where losing could cost your life. In the past, yes, you could hide it forever, but now it is just not possible. Sorry to burst your bubble. 

[Brenda E]

My mind has already begun the process.of altering my memories. I'm not even actively trying. If a memory from my childhood pops up in my head, I'm a girl in it. I imagine it's how I would have actually looked like with different chromosomes. My brain can be very realistic! So, should I call a therapist and have me locked up? Or just stay quiet about it and thank my luck?.I think I'll go with the latter...
I don't understand... you went into all that trouble to change the cards you were dealt with, but you want your partner and friends to accept the cards you were dealt with as a priority to accepting the cards you hold NOW? But why live in the past?

With the greatest respect, I think you're building a house of cards.  It'll work right until the point it collapses entirely, and it's not going to take much to cause everything to come crashing down.  What'll it be?  An old acquaintance who sees you in a store and recognizes you?  A letter forwarded to you with your old name on?  Your parents slip and call you by your birth name or reference a fragment of your past in which you could only have been male?  Or you just can't remember one of the little lies that you've told your partner or the countless other people you've had to deceive?

And the moment that happens, how long will you have been into your relationship?  A few months?  A few years?  A few decades?

It's a risk I'm not willing to take, and deception is so very, very tiring as the years progress.  I'd rather just tell the truth to people who want to be around me no matter what, then think nothing more of it.  So much easier!

Ps your profile pic is very clever

Thanks!

[kelly_aus]

This day and age of computers you really think you are that clever? I can find out your life story in 30 minutes or less. Less if I use the computers at the Sheriff's Office I used to be stationed at. To deceive is to play an incredibly risky game where losing could cost your life. In the past, yes, you could hide it forever, but now it is just not possible. Sorry to burst your bubble. 

Let her live in her fantasy, Jessica.. Having had a security clearance in the past, I'm more than aware of what information is floating around just beyond public access..

[Jessica Merriman]

Let her live in her fantasy, Jessica.. Having had a security clearance in the past, I'm more than aware of what information is floating around just beyond public access..

Yes, the sheeple sure are fooled with the visions of security and anonymity. If they only knew what we both do. 

The book "1984" is not a work of fiction, but a true blueprint of surveillance today. 

[stephaniec]

please, no one take offence; this argument was going on 12 months ago when I first found this site.  I still don't get it, I'd much prefer loneliness than living with that kind of self denial. my 25 cents worth.

[Lady_Oracle]

I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm not yet sure what I'll say but you're right. There's no way I'll say I used to live as a boy. And what boy dresses up in his mother's skirts, tries in lipstick at age 7 and spends all his third grade in elementary school making friendship bracelets? Is that what people imagine when you tell them you used to live as a boy? No. Sothe truth would not actually be perceived as  truthfully at all. It would be perceived as something that was never true. So the truth would be just another lie...

My sentiments exactly, I was forced into the gender role of being a boy. I'm one of those that knew from an early age but was terrified of expressing myself. Teachers in elementary school would scold me for doing anything considered girly, my family's culture didn't allow any room for feminine expression (machismo culture). So all of this led to me trying to be something I never was and living in self denial. To say I used to be a boy is definitely a lie in my situation.  I can understand those that didn't really know until later in life but for me its a whole different scenario. So what do I say what I was before transition well I say I was just a kid absent of actual identity. I had a tendency of being able to blend in with any type of crowd, in a way I was sort of like mystique from x-men , constantly reinventing myself, doing all that I could to run away from who I truly was.

[butterflies]

My sentiments exactly, I was forced into the gender role of being a boy. I'm one of those that knew from an early age but was terrified of expressing myself. Teachers in elementary school would scold me for doing anything considered girly, my family's culture didn't allow any room for feminine expression (machismo culture). So all of this led to me trying to be something I never was and living in self denial. To say I used to be a boy is definitely a lie in my situation.  I can understand those that didn't really know until later in life but for me its a whole different scenario. So what do I say what I was before transition well I say I was just a kid absent of actual identity. I had a tendency of being able to blend in with any type of crowd, in a way I was sort of like mystique from x-men , constantly reinventing myself, doing all that I could to run away from who I truly was.

Oh wow, that's exactly what I did I've had so many names and faces and phases and whatnot..hahaha. we even have the same favorite character in game of thrones? She's magnificent.
I'm glad someone understands. I'm sorry you had such a hard time with your family, my family was a lot easier but my environment otherwise wasn't. I was bullied a lot... but I got through it. I tried really hard being a boy at one point too. But it just didn't work out...

[butterflies]

My sentiments exactly, I was forced into the gender role of being a boy. I'm one of those that knew from an early age but was terrified of expressing myself. Teachers in elementary school would scold me for doing anything considered girly, my family's culture didn't allow any room for feminine expression (machismo culture). So all of this led to me trying to be something I never was and living in self denial. To say I used to be a boy is definitely a lie in my situation.  I can understand those that didn't really know until later in life but for me its a whole different scenario. So what do I say what I was before transition well I say I was just a kid absent of actual identity. I had a tendency of being able to blend in with any type of crowd, in a way I was sort of like mystique from x-men , constantly reinventing myself, doing all that I could to run away from who I truly was.

Oh wow, that's exactly what I did I've had so many names and faces and phases and whatnot..hahaha. we even have the same favorite character in game of thrones? She's magnificent.
I'm glad someone understands. I'm sorry you had such a hard time with your family, my family was a lot easier but my environment otherwise wasn't. I was bullied a lot... but I got through it. I tried really hard being a boy at one point in my childhood too. But it just didn't work out... not for long anyway. In junior high things were tough but ultimately it got easier and people started accepting me not being or acting like a boy. Our school taught 100% traditional gender roles though and the male teachers made fun of mea lot. But iI got through it after that things got harder again and I tired being a boy until I finally started living as a girl 24/7.
I can't believe it took all those years to get surgery....but I'm finally on the end stretch.

[butterflies]

please, no one take offence; this argument was going on 12 months ago when I first found this site.  I still don't get it, I'd much prefer loneliness than living with that kind of self denial. my 25 cents worth.

Denial? it's only denial for you. For me it would be propagating misinformation. I would rather kill myself than be alone for a whole year, let alone longer. I guess we're all different, huh?

[butterflies]

With the greatest respect, I think you're building a house of cards.  It'll work right until the point it collapses entirely, and it's not going to take much to cause everything to come crashing down.  What'll it be?  An old acquaintance who sees you in a store and recognizes you?  A letter forwarded to you with your old name on?  Your parents slip and call you by your birth name or reference a fragment of your past in which you could only have been male?  Or you just can't remember one of the little lies that you've told your partner or the countless other people you've had to deceive?

And the moment that happens, how long will you have been into your relationship?  A few months?  A few years?  A few decades?

It's a risk I'm not willing to take, and deception is so very, very tiring as the years progress.  I'd rather just tell the truth to people who want to be around me no matter what, then think nothing more of it.  So much easier!

Thanks!

like I said, I'm smart enough not to reveal details.but do find out everything you can about me..
And my ego is small enough to leave itat that. I concede, I'll still live as a female without revealing the truth... I'm sure your horrible predictions will come true! Haha, some people just get off on negativity...

Oops, the above was to thatother person. This is to you: no such reference. I've almost never been to a doctor. no army. No all boys school. No original birth certificate in existence. I've talked face to face to people who knew me as a guy.they didn't recognize me. One of them, a homophobic at that, asked me out.
Can you say that about ANYONE you've ever known? Then maybe I'm the one exception you didn't count on existing...

[Jessica Merriman]

Haha, some people just get off on negativity...

No, some just want you to survive this and not read about you on the front page some day. Don't equate caring with negativity. If you want to play reckless and tempt fate it is your choice as an adult and you have every right to. No one is denying that at all.

PS-It only took me 0.34 seconds to back trace your IP to your country, city and terminal. I am not even computer literate very well. Hmmmm food for thought. 

[butterflies]

No, some just want you to survive this and not read about you on the front page some day. Don't equate caring with negativity. If you want to play reckless and tempt fate it is your choice as an adult and you have every right to. No one is denying that at all.

PS-It only took me 0.34 seconds to back trace your IP to your country, city and terminal. I am not even computer literate very well. Hmmmm food for thought. 

If you had the information, you would have printed it m you're welcome to type it here. Just a hint, I'm currently inAsia : did you even get the continent right? I doubt it, considering what I'm behind...

[butterflies]

No, some just want you to survive this and not read about you on the front page some day. Don't equate caring with negativity. If you want to play reckless and tempt fate it is your choice as an adult and you have every right to. No one is denying that at all.

PS-It only took me 0.34 seconds to back trace your IP to your country, city and terminal. I am not even computer literate very well. Hmmmm food for thought. 

Notice how you're"caring"for me but not the OP? Real heart warming. You're not caring, you're fear mongering. No one ever got anywhere without taking risks and the people too timid to take risks always put them down and they always said it was because they cared for their safety but really it was out of jealousy. I'm done with my past and I'll do anything to protect my present
Anything. I'm also done with defending myself on this matter. Try pestering the other people who expressed the same idea in this thread.

[AnonyMs]

If you had the information, you would have printed it m you're welcome to type it here. Just a hint, I'm currently inAsia : did you even get the continent right? I doubt it, considering what I'm behind...

I'm somewhat paranoid myself, and while its easy enough to hide from this website, I couldn't work out how to do the rest of it. Its difficult to avoid leaving traces of information all over the place.

I assume you didn't pay for SRS with cash, so there's bank records, and presumably the clinic where you are knows your identity. What if they get hacked and the data released? I understand Suporn (for example) likes taking patients photos too, and there's the other patients taking photos to worry about as well. In Australia its too hard hiding your identity from the various doctors you need to see, and they will possibly communicate with the clinic as well. I suspect most of these places have poor security. I guess its possible to hide it all, but its got to be pretty difficult unless your either very wealthy or have some very unusual skills.

I've thought about it a fair bit, and come to the conclusion that its not really feasible to hide properly, so I take some precautions, but in the end I give up.

[SorchaC]

I'm wondering if we've gone slightly off topic here.? Seems like someone is trying to prove they're smarter than all the rest.

We all have our choice if we reveal all or parts of our past. I've already stated that I would find it dishonest if I tried to hide my past from a partner and being as I loathe dishonesty more than almost anything else I couldn't imagine doing it to a partner a 2nd time after breaking my ex wife's heart. One of the liberating parts of transition is that you no longer need to hide your true self from close friends family and partners. I'm not saying we should go round outing ourselves at every opportunity but if someone means enough to me then why would I want to plant a timebomb under the relationship? When to disclose is the issue we all face but I've found that honesty is definitely the best policy.

I would rather kill myself than be alone for a whole year, let alone longer. I guess we're all different, huh?

Seriously? In my dark days I had a whole calendar year when I only had 4 visitors to my home. A guy to read the gas meter, A guy to read the electric meter. A fireman to check my smoke detector and a worker from my landlord to check the house for defects. That's no family no friends and definitely no partner because I never had any of them. I'm really happy for you that life is so good but maybe you could spare a thought for those of us for whom loneliness and isolation is an everyday reality when you make posts to tell us all how we have it all wrong.

Hugs

Sorcha 

[mrs izzy]

We made some corrections so we can keep it in topic.

Hugs

[Dread_Faery]

You can't forget it, that's too bad. My mind has already begun the process.of altering my memories. I'm not even actively trying. If a memory from my childhood pops up in my head, I'm a girl in it. I imagine it's how I would have actually looked like with different chromosomes. My brain can be very realistic! So, should I call a therapist and have me locked up? Or just stay quiet about it and thank my luck?.I think I'll go with the latter...
I don't understand... you went into all that trouble to change the cards you were dealt with, but you want your partner and friends to accept the cards you were dealt with as a priority to accepting the cards you hold NOW? But why live in the past?

Ps your profile pic is very clever

Could I politely suggest that you seek help? You appear to have major trust issues and are repressing stuff. Believe me from personal experience that repressing things only makes them worse in the long run. At some point you will have to come to terms with this, no ifs, not buts, no maybes... You will have to make peace with who you are. It's generally better to do that in a therapist's chair rather than on the edge if a blade.