What is wrong with me?

[imissmymama]

I have been on hormones for 8 years.  I still feel bad about failing my mother, and not having any kids of my own. My mother recently passed away and I feel so bad that I wont have my own biological children (because they might reflect my mother).  I am not interested in women at all. I can still masturbate and clear liquid can still come out (sorry if its too gross)


I feel like i really dont want what I have but getting a surgery or an orchi would be like destroying what my mother gave me, the only thing she left for me and the ability for me to have my own children, and the opportunity for her to live on through my children.

After eight years of taking hormones everyday , and I still have issue with what to do and I am still stuck. even though I pass completely. What the hell is wrong with me? Is there anyone else in similar situation?

[Jessica Merriman]

Um sweetie after being on HRT for 8 years you will not be able to have kids of your own biology. Quit worrying about others and live your life for YOU. You were given this life to live, discover, love and grow. I am so sorry she is gone. You have to find a way to move on with your life now and discover who you are on your own. Please do not get stuck on what might have been. It will only stop any progress you could make. Good luck! 

[SorchaC]

Um sweetie after being on HRT for 8 years you will not be able to have kids of your own biology. Quit worrying about others and live your life for YOU. You were given this life to live, discover, love and grow. I am so sorry she is gone. You have to find a way to move on with your life now and discover who you are on your own. Please do not get stuck on what might have been. It will only stop any progress you could make. Good luck! 

I have to agree with this. Not to sound callous but nothing can now be changed nor can it bring back your mother. I'm truely sorry you've lost her but now is a time for you. I'm sure you've seen a therapist over your gender situation but I'd advise maybe seeing one for this also then hopefully you'll understand your feelings better

Good Luck

Sorcha 

[Foxglove]

I am trans.  Nothing I can do about that.  And lots of times, given a choice, I wouldn't do anything about it even if I could.  In a way I like being trans.  Why?  Because it's me.  It's who I am.  And believe it or not, there are times I can actually like me--warts and all.

In a way I always lived my life for my mom and dad.  It was a waste of a lot of years.  They didn't even know I was doing it.  And my mom passed away about three years ago and one feeling I have towards her is resentment--because she made me live life on her terms.  Except that she didn't.  It was my own cowardice and stupidity that made me live the way I did.

I don't know what she'd think about me now.  But Mom, I'm happy now, a lot happier than I ever was before.  Mom, I always needed to live life on my terms.  Not that I don't love you.  I simply have no choice in the matter.  Can you accept my happiness?

[Sephirah]

I have been on hormones for 8 years.  I still feel bad about failing my mother, and not having any kids of my own. My mother recently passed away and I feel so bad that I wont have my own biological children (because they might reflect my mother).  I am not interested in women at all. I can still masturbate and clear liquid can still come out (sorry if its too gross)


I feel like i really dont want what I have but getting a surgery or an orchi would be like destroying what my mother gave me, the only thing she left for me and the ability for me to have my own children, and the opportunity for her to live on through my children.

After eight years of taking hormones everyday , and I still have issue with what to do and I am still stuck. even though I pass completely. What the hell is wrong with me? Is there anyone else in similar situation?

Sweetie, what your mother gave you was life. Her greatest gift to you was the ability to live, and love. And your love for another is what will allow her to live on... a continuation of her love for you. A child doesn't need to be biologically yours to be loved and to pass on everything you got from your mother. You can instil in a child her virtues, and show them her love. You could adopt a child. A child that needs a parent. And you could be that parent. You could show them all the love you have inside you, even though you didn't give birth to them.

A mother's love for her child doesn't require that the child be biologically hers. Only that the mother wants to be a mother, and to give the child the best life she can, and to make them feel loved and wanted.

[Alice Rogers]

If you had been born with a female body to match your female brain your mother would have loved you every bit as much.

There are children out there that need someone to love and care for them in the adoption and fostering system, you can honour your mothers memory and her legacy by giving a good loving life to one or more of these children.

Alice
xx

EDIT: I do not doubt that she would be bursting with pride to see you giving your love to a child or children that so desperatly need it and might not otherwise have gotten it.