Here is a poem and a quote that , to me, reflects what you say.
Crossroads by Joyce Sutphen
The second half of my life will be black
to the white rind of the old and fading moon.
The second half of my life will be water
over the cracked floor of these desert years.
I will land on my feet this time,
knowing at least two languages and who
my friends are. I will dress for the
occasion, and my hair shall be
whatever color I please.
Everyone will go on celebrating the old
birthday, counting the years as usual,
but I will count myself new from this
inception, this imprint of my own desire.
The second half of my life will be swift,
past leaning fence posts, a gravel shoulder,
asphalt tickets, the beckon of open road.
The second half of my life will be wide-eyed,
fingers shifting through fine sands,
arms loose at my sides, wandering feet.
There will be new dreams every night,
and the drapes will never be closed.
I will toss my string of keys into a deep
well and old letters into the grate.
The second half of my life will be ice
breaking up on the river, rain
soaking the fields, a hand
held out, a fire,
and smoke going
upward, always up.
At some point in our lives, we reach a crossroads, a four corner path with no clear clues on which one to take. For some, it's easy to shut the eyes and choose. For others, it is time to sit, wait and contemplate which road will lead us to the gate; our place of personal nirvana. I'm at a crossroads and I'm torn between a few uneasy options... the answers are not apparent so I must sit and wait...
"The writer operates at a peculiar crossroads where time and place and eternity somehow meet. His problem is to find that location." Flannery O'Connor
I'm not sure how it helps except to know that the crossroads issue has been a dilemma since thought processes existed. I would like to think that the woman you care so much for will come around and be your willing partner in whatever your choice.
