Question

[Foxglove]

Hi, Everybody!

A simple question.  A guy just told me that he finds the term "cisgender" offensive.  Twice I asked him why and he gave me a lot of gobbledy-gook that didn't make any sense, no clear answer.  He's not the first.  From time to time I come across a cisgender person saying that they find the term offensive.  But why?

The only real answer I've ever seen was that they didn't like the sound of it.  "Cis" sounds like "cyst" or "sissy".  But this strikes me as a fairly frivolous objection.  Lots of words sound like something else.  And of course "cis" is the Latin preposition meaning "on this side of, on the near side of"--as opposed to "trans" which is the Latin preposition meaning, "across, on the other side of".  So it hasn't got anything to do with "cyst" or "sissy" or anything else.

So what I'm asking is has anyone ever got a clear-cut answer from someone who objects to the term exactly why they object to it?  PLEASE NOTE: I'm not asking for speculation here.  I myself can speculate as to why people don't like it.  But speculation is ultimately futile since we can't read people's minds and hence we can't know for sure.  So if anyone has ever got a good answer to this question, please pass it on. 

Just something I'm curious about.  Many thanks.

Foxglove

[suzifrommd]

Whenever someone says "I find <word> offensive" I take them at face value, but I ask them what word I should use instead. If they have an answer, and if it really does mean the same as the other one, is commonly understood, etc., I will accommodate their wishes.

Does your friend have an alternate turn. "Someone who is not trans" would be unacceptable because it's an explanation, not a word and make speaking about it awkward. If he makes up something like "foofgender", that's no good as well, since it's not commonly understood.

If someone doesn't want me to use a term but can't come up with a substitute, they are S.O.L., as far as I'm concerned.

[Mark3]

I have 1st hand experience. For years I considered myself CIS, but also simply normal, and just started understanding the term not to long ago. I would never consider calling a binary man or woman any such term, and I felt it was nothing more than a slang term used to try and lower people like I thought I was, down to another minorities level.
To be brutally honest, CICpeople think they are just "normal" and don't require any label, nor should anyone else call them one. Its us who need labeling, because we are the ones who are different..
That's why they get offended.

[Jaime R D]

I have 1st hand experience. For years I considered myself CIS, but also simply normal, and just started understanding the term not to long ago. I would never consider calling a binary man or woman any such term, and I felt it was nothing more than a slang term used to try and lower people like I thought I was, down to another minorities level.
To be brutally honest, CICpeople think they are just "normal" and don't require any label, nor should anyone else call them one. Its us who need labeling, because we are the ones who are different..
That's why they get offended.

yep, that sounds about right

[Foxglove]

Thanks very much for that answer, Mark.  That's very enlightening, and I was thinking it must be something like that.  When people are offended by something but can't even tell you why, then it's a good bet you're struck some pretty deep feelings in them.

Of course the problem this creates is that there's no point in trying to think of another term: no matter which one we choose, it'll offend them.  So we might as well stick with what we've got.

[captains]

I just got into a discussion about this issue on facebook. A friend of mine came out as bisexual, and specified that she is cis, as she's an ally who feels like self-describing as "cisgender" helps to normalize the term (and I agree). Another person posted about how offensive they found the word, blah blah blah. Multiple people explained the roots, but she wouldn't budge from her position. She said that as trans people are a statistical minority, they should just accept that cis folks ought to call themselves "normal."

Which honestly, made me laugh. My roommate is cis, but she sure as hell aint normal!  I usually compare it to the word "straight." Sure, straight people are the majority, but that doesn't mean we describe every heterosexual as "not queer." Most people agree that it's a useful word.

[Foxglove]

She said that as trans people are a statistical minority, they should just accept that cis folks ought to call themselves "normal."

This is significant, I think, and it ties in with what Mark was saying earlier.  I think what's going on here is that by giving them a label, we make ourselves equal to them.  We have a label (trans), they have a label (cis), so that we're on an equal footing linguistically.  And that's not right because we're such a small minority and furthermore we're "abnormal".  It seems it strikes them as presumptuous, especially because they don't like us.

I usually compare it to the word "straight." Sure, straight people are the majority, but that doesn't mean we describe every heterosexual as "not queer." Most people agree that it's a useful word.

This is another good point.  The great majority don't object to being labelled "straight/heterosexual", so why should they object to being labelled "cis"?  But a few days ago, I came across something that indicated to me that perhaps 50 years ago or so some people did object to those terms--probably for the same reasons that they now object to "cis".

[Taka]

being called cis gives them the same kind of bad feeling that many trans people would get by being called trans in public.
the feeling of being othered. not a good one.
i have a feeling many would end up feeling offended if they're with a group of mostly gay friends, and then are called "too straight to get it".

maybe we should give the cis the same freedom as we want to choose our own labels.
i wonder what kind of label they would end up on, if they get the freedom to choose.
but then we'd also need something other than "trans", because that is something originally forced on our little group of people.

[ashley_thomas]

being called cis gives them the same kind of bad feeling that many trans people would get by being called trans in public.
the feeling of being othered. not a good one.

I think this is exactly it. My spouse hates the term and she also doesn't consider me a transgender woman, she considers me a woman. We are women.  So I don't use the term in mix company. My trans friends find it annoying but I'm fine with my approach.

[Edge]

Because they would rather call themselves normal because they're not freaks like us.
Ironically, I got this from a gay guy who would probably pitch a fit if a straight person objected to being called heterosexual.

[Illuminess]

One of my house mates doesn't like the prefix "cis" and associates it as a social justice warrior buzzword. I definitely understand that, and I don't really like using all of these labels and terms, but it's necessary when needing to differentiate between those who are trans* and those who are not. It's just for informative purposes. I wouldn't use "cis" in my normal conversational vocabulary.

[Ms Grace]

It's an odd word - cis - yet it's existed for centuries but was never widely used whereas trans has been used in multiple contexts (trans atlantic, transfer, etc). It would be nice to live without labels, but since the cis-hetro-binary-normatives are the ones who like using them to differentiate what is "normal" I've got no problem using cis gender. It's not an insult for crying out loud.

[JessicaH]

The main thing that sets humans apart from other creatures is language and our brain is hard-wired for it. With that said, one of the first things we do when we start speaking is putting names and labels to things. TERFs (trans exclusive radical feminists) are one of the main groups that push that "cis" is a slur.  Wikipedia has a good write up on the word. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cisgender

[Mark3]

That splains it well..

I think Im going to post it to my CIS friends, do some good old fashioned educating tonight.!

Thanks JessicaH