Lately I've been thinking a lot about where I was two years ago (as my two year anniversary for HRT is rapidly approaching!!) and how little I actually knew about what I was getting into! It's sorta surreal looking back-some things I'm delighted over, others...well, if I knew what I know now, I'm not sure I would have transitioned in the first place. I was so naive, but I've realized so much:
The good:
-How much of the issues I had growing up were caused by repressed gender dysphoria, and that I might be able to recover from them
-How oppressed women are in society, and that I understand how the world might change for the better
-I had no idea how malleable and foolish gender roles are
-I didn't know I would meet a few amazing friends along the way
-I had no idea how marvelous eyeliner was (I had such a weird fear of it for the longest time). I thought I hate dresses too...silly me.
The bad:
-I thought I would be able to pass-that one is really what has me doubting myself. I hadn't bargained for my private life being on show 100% of the time, every day. It was a big factor going into this.
-I thought I would have access to surgery, and therapy
-I thought hormones would give me bigger than a AA cup
-I didn't know I would be single for the rest of my life (another huge downer)
-I didn't realize how much discrimination I face, and that I would face it for the rest of my life
-I thought I would have the option to forgot this episode of my life
And the wonderful:
-Even if I ever have the option, I will never want to forget this episode of my life.
What about you all? What did you not know? And from where you are now, do you regret transitioning?
