returning to work next week & my voice (Help please)

[Shana-chan]

So, a long while back I got hurt at work, and now I've been ok'd to return back to work next week. The problem is, when I left, everyone knew me by my female name which I've yet to legally change yet also heard my male voice. They were told to use the right pronouns (Her, she, ms. etc.) yet most went neutral and didn't refer to me by any pronouns and just the name. Thing is, now I have a decision to make, a mighty big one and I need help from everyone here to figure out what to do.

Do I go back using my female voice which still needs work (It passes though) or do I go back using the old male voice? The problem is, I'm gender fluid (Don't want to be, only wish to be female) and once I use the female voice, I can never go back to the old one, at least not at this place. Maybe it's depression, sheer laziness, or all that plus something more but, I'd rather just use the male voice as it's easier to control, I have all options to it (Such as yelling, whispering and showing emotion in the voice) where as the female one I'm still working on doing all that. The problem is, if I go back and use the male voice, all the new employees will have to be informed and I'll get weird looks etc. However, if I use the female voice I'll still get weird looks as, my job requires me to wear my hair up and when I do, I no longer pass as female at all so then I'd STILL get weird looks and them have to be informed... Not to mention if I use the female voice, I'll probably have to deal with people asking questions, and thus being outted to new employees and the some! (If customers are around at the time) I also realize that if I get on hormones, eventually I'd have to explain things at some point but, I just really don't want t deal with that. Besides, unlike most, I have long hair so I can't wear a wig and disguise myself sort to speak and because I go by a name that's not common, at all, it's not like I can exactly hide as most can. (Sorry if anyone took offense to the words there, meant nothing by it)

I REALLY don't know what to do. I'm scared and worried. Does anyone have any advice for me? Should I use male or female voice and why? Have you gone through what I'm going through? If so, how'd it go? What reactions and questions did you get?

[Eva Marie]

When you decide to flip the switch and go full time or something near to full time you are then "on" with no going back. Every time you use the wrong voice you'll be reminded to use the right voice the next time. When you voice is hoarse from allergies or congestion/drainage you become supremely annoyed at the croaking. You become your own worst voice critic.

It gets real in a hurry. I don't want to sound like Barry White but sometimes I get a little too near to that.

I took some voice lessons in preparation for going full time and they helped me. Each time I fail I just remember those lessons and try harder the next time. Sometimes I absolutely nail it, and sometimes I don't.

I know that eventually I'll be doing a lot better, because I have to.

With all of that said - what do YOU want to do? Are you ready to deal with voice pressure and failure until you get better at it?

[Shana-chan]

Don't suppose anyone else has something to say/add? Not much time left & would love to get some more feed back.

[Ms Grace]

I honestly don't know how to answer this for you. Myself, I used my female voice from day one at work, no exceptions. That wasn't a work requirement I just couldn't bear to use my male voice while oresenting as female, especially since I was having to use my voice in mixed company (at meetings and so forth). While it shouldn't be an excuse I'm sure people are more inclined to misgender if the voice sounds too masculine. To be honest though, work is the best practice I get my voice...I often need to talk a lot, best practice ever. You have to do what you feel comfortable with.