Hey, everyone. I'm Kyler.
I'm an 18-year-old transguy. I don't like to introduce myself like that because gender identity is such a small part of someone's personality, it's ridiculous, but for all intents and purposes here, that's who I am...a transguy. Right.
So a little about myself...I've known that there was something different about me from a young age, but I couldn't really peg it. It was obvious that I didn't enjoy doing things that a lot of little girls my age enjoyed (this was blatantly obvious because I have twin sisters that are a year younger than me, so there was always the comparison), but I did like boy activities very much. I tended to hang out with my older brother whenever I could because whatever he was doing was usually more interesting.
When I was little, he taught me to fight, throw a football around, ride a bike, and play basketball. One thing I'll never forget is one day when we were younger (I couldn't have been more than 8 or 9 years old), he just looked at me when he was teaching me to throw a spiral football, and said, "Hey, *****, you're really just a boy trapped in a girl's body, ya know." At that time, I didn't even think about what he said, but years later, after struggling with my own identity for so long, I realized how right he was.
Part of the reason it took me so long to figure all of this out is that I was so ignorant as to what "transgender" even meant. I had never actually looked it up, but from what I could put together in my little kid mind, it was something sexual, something dirty, something--of course, I didn't connect myself with that. I just figured that I was a tomboy though that didn't fit well either. I never liked my name. I always had nicknames because my birthname is so painfully feminine, and it just never fit.
However, when I was about 16, I started going online more often, and I don't know what prompted me, but I made a fake account and identified as male. I made a lot of friends on that account, and it just felt so natural, so good, to be referred to as a guy and no one was any the wiser. But at the same time, I was confusing myself. I didn't understand my feelings, and I felt like I was doing something wrong, so I came clean (and managed to keep all those friends). But I ended up making another profile later because I missed that feeling again.
I thought something was wrong with me. Why was I doing this? Eventually, I got so depressed and I was looking stuff up online and I found a lot of trans sites and information. It fit me perfectly, and it was a relief to realize that I wasn't crazy but at the same time, until I really understood what it meant to be trans, I had that negative image in my mind.
Well, that was about a year or so ago, and now I am here. I still have yet to come out to family and friends though my online friends do know and I dress, act, and wear my hair like a boy. I'm nervous to come out, and I'm just looking for some support from other people who understand this and other feelings and problems that go along with being transgender.
Thanks for reading this long thing if you did.
Kyler.
