identify the source of your fear. gender therapist would be great for doing that, but just writing about yourself can help too.
i found that writing answers to questions on these forums has helped me much more than asking the questions myself.
knowing what to ask is not easy, but by typing and answer to someone else, you can discover that you already know the answer to a whole lot of questions you didn't know how to ask.
another thing would be to tell us which area you live in. some could point you to affordable therapists near you, if there are any.
maybe tell a little bit more about why you don't work, what problems you would run into if separating from your wife.
will give a little more perspective on what problems you're actually facing.
and if people become nasty, run into the non-binary section.
some of us inhabitants of the unicorn forest have fangs and claws to protect with.
we'll accept both those who don't know what to transition to, and those who don't know if they want to transition.
trying to be a safe haven for people who only find pressure to be someone they're not everywhere else.
you'll probably fit in well with the girls on these forums though. you sound a lot like one.
