The Therapist gave me the GO...but...

[Bearr]

Hello Everyone

So, I haven't posted in some time. Been really busy with school and home issues.

I've been seeing a therapist for about 2-3 months now. She says that I am transgender 'according to her'.

You would think that would be great news, but of course I am still struggling. I wish it came as easy to me as some people. She gave me this option to go to a support group about an hour away once a month, but I have yet to be able to attend. She says she can't tell me if I should transition or not, that I needed to decide that - which is obvious, it's just frustrating ya know... ugh....

I go back and forth a million times and all it does it drive me crazy. I really don't know what to do...and I know it can't be rushed, I just feel like I should know by now.

I'm not happy with who I am now, but I wont ever know If I will be happy if I transition either. I'm such an analyzer, and I will analyze until I can't think anymore..

Does anyone have any advice to help me with figuring this out???

[AeroZeppelin92]

I struggled with the same indecision for a long time as well. Basically, for me, it came down to this: If I could make a wish and wake up in the morning as completely male, would I? And if transitioning was more accepted in society just like getting a tumor removed or something, and I didn't have to fear ridicule, judgement, etc, would I? Both answers were a clear yes, and that's when I realized where all my uncertainty stemmed from. In my heart I knew what I wanted but all the outside factors were causing me to question myself and put fear in me.

[CursedFireDean]

For me it eventually came down to a matter of could I handle living as a girl/woman for the rest of my life? I knew that for the near future, the answer was yes, I could handle it. But the longer I debated, the more it became clear to me that I would not be able to go my whole life as a girl. I had a realisation that while suicide was never an option for me, it could easily become one further down the line if I kept trying to be a girl. I was watching myself become more and more miserable, and that's what made it clear to me. It really was just time and thinking over it like that. Time was definitely what I needed.

[Silver Centurion]

Hey Bearr! I analyze and question things into the ground myself. I too have been frustrated by not being able to move decisively in one direction or another and time to sort through my thoughts and feelings doesn't seem to help much. I don't know if this will be helpful to you or not but a great many people have told me that you have to figure out what will make you happy. It could be that you do nothing or it takes months or years before making a decision that you want to transition in some way. For example doing little things like dressing how you want or getting a haircut that you feel suits you better may help. Trying things to see how they make you feel might help and making it to the support group meeting may be useful to. I went to a few when I was just coming to grips with the fact that I am trans and being around other transmen in various states of transition was a very educational and supportive situation.

[Alexis2107]

I can't say I thought twice when I decided its time to transition.  I have very low testosterone anyways, so my desire to feminine is as strong as it's always been.  I am sure once you start T blockers and start pumping in estrogen, you'll never want to look back again and a new you is born.  It is a major decision, it isn't like you're deciding which pair of shoes to wear today or what color of lipstick goes with this outfit, no.  You're deciding on your future and happiness for life.  If you're unhappy about yourself as you are, and that is because you feel you're in the wrong gender, then maybe you really consider it.  Your therapist seems to think you are and she's a professional.  Remember, only you have this life to live, nobody else.. nobody is living your life, do what makes you happy and at peace (:

[Anna-Maria]

Actually I know kind of these thoughts and to some degree, I guess it´s just normal in a way this situation can be in any regard considered normal... Anyway. Everyone handles these kind of doubts and negative feelings individually but for me I found out that, all the while I´m getting these kind of thoughts, they come along with a depressive attack and as I learned to cope with these depressive attacks I also learned to cope with my doubts on transitioning. First of all, I try to calm down, relax and having a meditation. That clears your mind. Then, I´m considering the "life" I had until I decided to transition and it shocks me how empty and shallow it was. Picturing this to be my future (if I would not transition at all), I know that I would be some kind of a living dead.

So for me there´s no alternative in transitioning and despite the fact it´s somehow a step into the unknown, I came to realize this rather an adventurous journey than a thread to my life. My life has already found an end, transitioning gives me hope for a real life, as the one person I am.

Maybe this approach will also help you 

[Athena]

This is the biggest decision in your life in my mind. I don't think any other decision affects you as much as transitioning. It is ok to be freaked out about this.

One option is to start hrt, if you find that you don't wish to proceed after the first few weeks then you can ween yourself off of them with no permanent effects. No one needs ever know you were on them.

[aleon515]

I don't think you need to be in a hurry. What's your hurry? If you can afford your therapist and like her ask if you can stay with her and explore your feelings. If you can't perhaps you can journal and keep track of what your feelings are. You should NOT transition IF and until you feel that you are ready. Believe me I am WAY WAY older than you are, perhaps regardless of how old you are. I took 11 months to decide to go on T. I am very happy with my decision. I saw my therapist once a month or every 3 weeks for awhile. A support group, if you can go to one is a great idea. I did both actually. I think she must be fine telling you it is YOUR decision btw!

All that said, some sorts of doubts and fears are normal. It's a huge decision and you shouldn't be in any hurry starting it. If this were after 2 years of therapy, I'd think that's what this was, but 3 months isn't that long.


Alexis, I think you're in the wrong forum, not sure why Bearr would want to take T blockers and E. But the sentiment is still correct.


--Jay

Hello Everyone

So, I haven't posted in some time. Been really busy with school and home issues.

I've been seeing a therapist for about 2-3 months now. She says that I am transgender 'according to her'.

You would think that would be great news, but of course I am still struggling. I wish it came as easy to me as some people. She gave me this option to go to a support group about an hour away once a month, but I have yet to be able to attend. She says she can't tell me if I should transition or not, that I needed to decide that - which is obvious, it's just frustrating ya know... ugh....

I go back and forth a million times and all it does it drive me crazy. I really don't know what to do...and I know it can't be rushed, I just feel like I should know by now.

I'm not happy with who I am now, but I wont ever know If I will be happy if I transition either. I'm such an analyzer, and I will analyze until I can't think anymore..

Does anyone have any advice to help me with figuring this out???

[blink]

I'm not happy with who I am now, but I wont ever know If I will be happy if I transition either. I'm such an analyzer, and I will analyze until I can't think anymore..

Yep, overanalyzer here too. There's plenty that can help sort it out. For starters:

1. AeroZeppelin92 summed this one up nicely.

If I could make a wish and wake up in the morning as completely male, would I? And if transitioning was more accepted in society just like getting a tumor removed or something, and I didn't have to fear ridicule, judgement, etc, would I?

For me the answers were yes. In addition I asked myself, if I could wake up in the morning completely male - albeit a conventionally unattractive one - would I still do it? For instance, something far less than my personal "male ideal", if I could wake up male but would be overweight, weak, facially ugly, and still have an unusually small penis would I still sign up? The answer was still yes.

2. Take small, completely reversible steps to experiment with what makes you more comfortable and happier. This can include:

Asking someone (or someones) you trust to help you try out a masculine name and pronouns.
Participating in a message board or even a video game that lets you fill in name and gender options, to try those out.
Wearing male undergarments (boxers, briefs, boxer-briefs)
Wearing a binder (if you don't currently wear masculine clothing, try binding both with and without to differentiate between feelings about the flat chest vs. the clothing articles themselves)
Wearing more masculine clothing (if not already doing)
Getting a masculine haircut
Experiment with masculine body language, posture, mannerisms, etc.
With or without a vocal coach, try vocal exercises to somewhat deepen the voice, and/or experiment with changing inflection and other masculine vs. feminine speech patterns
Wearing a packer
Visualizing what you might look and sound like after some time on T and note your response to those hypotheticals. How do you feel about looking in the mirror and seeing a hairy face? A hairier body? Different body fat distribution? How do you feel about speaking and hearing a male voice come out?

More high-tech experiment options: If resources are at hand and you are so inclined, use digital software to take voice recordings and manipulate them to be deeper. Take a photo of yourself and modify it to have facial and/or body hair.

3. Read up on all the effects of T and pay attention to the stuff you would not want as well as effects you personally find appealing. It's not possible to pick and choose effects, nor predict which ones you personally will get or to what extent. Are you willing to deal with the bad? Some people freak out at the thought of hair loss. Some people hate the acne or the increase in body hair, or abdominal fat. Some people don't want genital growth. Some people don't want the male-typical health risks that inherently come with having male-typical levels of T in the body.

[aleon515]

I really like Blink's post. Great ideas (Besides them there is an inexpensive app for iPhone and Android called Eva M Breathe and Eva M Pitch-- $5 each. They will allow you to work on diaphragm breathing, etc. They assume you have been on T but you could use without this.)

Keep in mind that T isn't going to solve your problems. If you are depressed or whatever, it won't. Sad but true. But it will help with dysphoria (though not solve that one either). Realistic expectations are your friend.

--Jay

[LittleBoyBear]

Hey, another Bear!!!
So, I totally get your struggle. I am also over-analyzing and worrying that transitioning is not going to be a "final solution". Accepting the word has been a good thing, though. Being able to come out to friends and talk to people has been awesome, and a few friends even offered to switch to male pronouns, which absolutely blew me away. How many changes I want or need to make to my body, I don't know. I KNOW that I need to get rid of my breasts. There's no question and I can't wait till the ball gets rolling on surgery. Do I need T? Hmm, thats another thing. Some moments I WANT T. Some, I wonder if I do. I wish I had an answer for you. But at least I know that there's someone else out there that's questioning the whole thing. Seems so many people know, and thats causing me to question myself.
I'm interested in seeing how things go for you.
-Bear

[Bearr]

Wow. I wasn't expecting so many responses!  That's awesome.

Aero--- I have asked myself the same question. If I could wake up male, would I? The answer has always been yes, of course. That is...if I was biological. I can't seem to get passed never being able to have children naturally by creating sperm. I'm terrified I will never feel complete with a fully functioning penis.

FireDean-- I completely understand where you are coming from. I have looked into the future, but for some reason I can't see myself as a man or a woman :/

Silver --- It sounds like the same predicament I am in. Have you transitioned completely yet? I really hope I don't feel stuck in the position.

Alexis- Thanks for your input. Nice comments. Similar, just switched

Anna-Maria- That was very helpful. I do get panic attacks every now and then, and I think I am overwhelming myself by stressing out. -_- I'm trying to learn to relax and just hope it will click one day.

White Rabbit- Exactly. Since I over analyze every detail, it makes it horrible knowing how important this decision is.

Aleon-- I am trying to step back and realize that I am new into therapy, but for some reason I want to make my decision soon based off my plans in life if I do decide to transition. I know I shouldn't rush it, I just wish I would know. I'm going to look into some meditation of some sort to ease my mind.

Blink -- Good advice. I have been living my life so far as a very dominate lesbian. I have short hair, wear guy-ish clothes. I use to get upset when people would mistaken me for a male, and I'm not sure if I was just angry about the stereotypical gender roles, or what the deal was. It doesn't bother me as much now. I've actually had a talk with my roommates to give a trial run on the male pronouns just to see if it fits or feels right. I have researched some T effects - good and bad. The only negative I have about it is- I'm TERRIFIED of having bad thoughts...such as worsening of my panic or suicidal thoughts. I would love to have facial hair

Aleon--- I do tend to have dysphoria. Mainly bottom dysphoria. During sex I wish I had a penis..or if we are shopping I would love to find clothes in the mens section that fit my body perfectly. I went shopping one day and started to cry because my feet weren't wide enough in the mens flip flops

LittleBoyBear-- Glad to see another Bear!   Over- analyzing sucks..... I find it interesting how far different individuals want as far as transition. I hope great things come your way! Sounds like you have a good idea on what you want.

----Thank you everyone for your wonderful responses. It's nice to see other people share what has helped them, and in turn makes it easier for myself and others included to decide. I hope everyone is enjoying their journey in this world and that everything you desire comes your way. 

[Alexthecat]

I have the same problem with looking at myself into the future. I lived all of puberty in my head in multiple worlds. Picturing yourself X years from now just doesn't work.

[aleon515]

Oh gee, well I wear a size 5 shoe (boy's). I wear unisex styles (which end up as women's) because I don't think boy's shoes are made well enough for my finicky feet. I couldn't wear flip flops to save my life. My feet may have widened to allow them now. But dysphoria (and sometimes for odd things) is common. I know someone who mostly what he worries about is not have an adam's apple, which he knew logically not even all guy's have (a prominent one anyway). Lower dysphoria is common though, won't go away with T (though some guy's will have enough growth on T that that makes them happy). Packing helps some guys.

What about a support group? It's also nice to meet other trans guys. As good as an online group is, there is nothing like having brothers.

--Jay

[Bearr]

Oh gee, well I wear a size 5 shoe (boy's). I wear unisex styles (which end up as women's) because I don't think boy's shoes are made well enough for my finicky feet. I couldn't wear flip flops to save my life. My feet may have widened to allow them now. But dysphoria (and sometimes for odd things) is common. I know someone who mostly what he worries about is not have an adam's apple, which he knew logically not even all guy's have (a prominent one anyway). Lower dysphoria is common though, won't go away with T (though some guy's will have enough growth on T that that makes them happy). Packing helps some guys.

What about a support group? It's also nice to meet other trans guys. As good as an online group is, there is nothing like having brothers.

--Jay

I am hoping my feet widen, and I hear a lot of people say they do once T is introduced. I wear a size 8 in mens...not horrible but they are slender. My foot size is actually pretty big compared to my height at 5`5.

I get paid here soon and I'm wanting to invest in a packer. Id really love a 3 in 1. Pack Pee and Play. I think I've only seen one and cant remember the company. It was about 500 dollars . Id like one with multiple uses. I could always buy a packer and make it a STP I suppose. Do you have any suggestions?

I don't think I need a binder. I have a fairly small chest (thankfully) and a sports bra seems to do the trick. I pass often as male, not sure if its how I carry myself or what. I think my face is really feminine..

I'm planning on traveling next month an hour away to a support group. They only meet once a month so its difficult for me to remember.  Im hoping to get some good advice I'm excited for it

[blink]

Consider trying out a cheaper packer first. Packing doesn't agree with everybody, some guys find it help allievate their dysphoria but others find it makes it worse.

[LittleBoyBear]

I would agree with getting a cheaper pack first, to see how you like it. I wish I could remember the website I got mine off of, but I've had it for awhile now. I'll have a look around online and see if anything rings a bell. In the meantime, I've heard good things about the Mr. Limpy.
I would also like an STP, and I think thats one of those "you get what you paid for" sort of things. I'm hesitant to save money and get something that doesn't work well or look good. I've heard good things about the Peacock...
-Bear

[aleon515]

Something like a Mr Limpy, Sailor, Masho, Pack it. Those are under $20 and can help you decide if it's for you. If you get something expensive, you may actually decide it increases your dysphoria and then you are stuck with an expensive packer.

--Jay

[Bearr]

Alright I'll look up something more on the less expensive side and try it out.  Thank you all for the advice.

[Bearr]

Also--- When I do purchase a packer. Would it work okay in my boxer briefs or do I need to purchase a jock strap with it?