Frustrated and Confused.

[Autumn Faith]

The more I learn the more difficult  it becomes... I walked into this site just a mere few monthes ago. I've learned lots and thought about lots as well. The part that bothers me is that I came here feeling secure and solid in my life choices. Now I feel I have examined my life so disectively that I feel unsure any more. Feeling like i am getting  a identity  crisis.  Just wondering  if anyone else has been going thru similar.

Life is hard. Wear a helmet.

[Ms Grace]

One thing this site does is make you examine yourself, your feelings and your motives. Sometimes people have a narrow view expanded, other times an overly complex outlook simplified.

What is that has you concerned? What has changed?

[Cindy]

Hi Hon,

As Grace said, being on this site with people who understand what you are going through is a life changing event.

I joined as a confused non-transitioned MtF, after about a year on this site I began my transition. Now? I am a very happy woman living her life and looking forward to her GCS.

But you need to take your time, everyone's journey is different.

[Autumn Faith]

I think your both right. Before coming here, as I said before... I was was solid in my journey.  And yes I know what your saying.... I have found that seeing others in a place further down the road than me makes me happy for them but then I think, well why cant I be more like them. I realize I can't... because I am not them. I am ok with that and truly am happy for them. YouTube  has been a help alot as well. But I watched a couple  timelines over the weekend and one in particular when it was over.......  I just sat there staring at the screen. The beautiful person's pic still shot.  I realized several things. 1. Maybe I am spending far too much time obsessing about this online. 2. I need someone locally to talk to other than my wife and girlfriend who knows what I am going thu and can be a mentor. I love them both but they dont get alot of it even tho they are very supportive. And 3. I feel that I will be a ugly old maid by the time I will get to be who I really am because of obligations to other people in my life that wouldnt understand.... ie my son... my in laws. I am always a happy minded person. I hate the drama... but then... I am being honest here as I feel in pain and wipe the tear away.

  I got a new Noriko wig Friday and both my wife and I were blown away at how perfect it was for me. Best 300 ever paid lol. I saw a beautiful woman in the mirror tho I am highly critical  of myself.  My wife says I worry to much because I'm far more beautiful that she is... Bless her.... I love her so very much. She is my rock of Gibralter. So for a moment  I see what  she is talking about and I am.... wow and humbled  at the same time.

I AM becoming who I am. I feel it daily. I just have a hard time  with the " why cant I have it now" syndrome. Autumn  had grown  incredibly in the past several years.... and tho I sit here I wonder is it just silly growing pains.   

  Autumn

Ps. Yes I know you know its me, I just writing out my name alot lol.

Life is hard. Wear a helmet.

[Autumn Faith]

   I struggle alot with some of these issues.  Mostly because it was never a thot before  and now I am so innedated with so much information and I wonder wouldnt it be better to turn the Internet off sometimes...to give me time to catch up.

  I know where I am going. I know what I want.  I just dont know if I need a Ferrari to get there.

Life is hard. Wear a helmet.

[Mark3]

*Raises hand high* yes me too.! 
The more I've learned, the more I realize that there is so much more to learn.?
It gets really confusing sometimes, like you probably feel also..
Just when we think we have things figured out, someone posts something that makes us start thinking all over again..

But I've learned to take time, open up my mind, and use the info others say that feels right for me, and let other things go.
It seems to work so far..

Wishing you the best.

[Athena]

This is why many here will suggest a qualified gender therapist to those who are finding a struggle. Search out a therapist, I think they will do more for you then you might think.

[Autumn Faith]

Welllll White Rabbit that sounds like great advice... it truly  does. But this is rural Canada... better yet rural Saskatchewan... lol our version of a therapist is to mention it to one perserson discretely  and sure enough by the weeks end someone will let you know how to solve your problem. Or they will bring it up at the town council lol.  We may be a modern culture but sometimes I wonder.

  Gender therapist I'm sure quake at the idea of living here lol.   If the weather doesn't freeze em out the lack of patients will lol.   Huggs tho hun.

Life is hard. Wear a helmet.

[Autumn Faith]

I'm thinking your right Mark3.  I think I think to much....I think. Lol

Life is hard. Wear a helmet.

[Athena]

I might suggest in your case to look for a therapist that will use skype sessions. It might not be as good as face to face but it is better then having typed results I also know what it is like living in an area of Canada where therapy is hard to get.

[Autumn Faith]

Are you one of us? Like Canadian?

  Yes I agree with you fully. I think most days I can beat my way thru this. Its just the few odd days that get me. I am a pretty upbeat girl usually. It gets overwhelming for everyone at times I'm  sure.

   Ive never been more sure of anything in my life. Its been a long journey  thats for sure but I sure have learned alot about myself. I think too its kinda nice because I get to pick and choose who Autumn gets to be. Her strengths are chosen. Her heart is more open than the man she used to be.  She is a very kind warm hearted woman. She loves more and cares to make life better for herself and to inflict happiness in the people that she comes in contact with. Yes I know I am speaking in third party but its true. I get to choose who I get to be. I get to pick all the perfect choices and personalities. I get to choose everything. This I like. I have reflected over alot of people on here and all of their unique traits.... some have shocked me.... some I have cried because thier souls are so beautiful. It is these people I try to embody to make myself a better person.



  Autumn.

Life is hard. Wear a helmet.

[Athena]

North Ontario here

[Autumn Faith]

Ahhhhh know it well.

Life is hard. Wear a helmet.

[evecrook]

ideally  therapy is the best option, but you can post  questions  on Susans to help you through the maze of transition