a conversation with me and my brain (all week I've had support group on my mind)

[immortal gypsy]

Ok it has been suggested that I attended a support group. Seemed like a good idea at the time and I was for it. Now I'm having either second thoughts or jitters not sure. If you have ever heard of a show called Hermans head you may understand the writing style. I know in the end it's my decision but any comments will be helpful and appreciated

I can't believe you are actually writing all this down. I know what you're thinking, If I write this down and post it on Susan's maybe they can help me OR I will be quiet. Well guess what it won't work, I won't be quiet this time missy

Yes brain

Oh! Okay then. Gypsy look I love you but I'm worried about you. I understand that you have to work but it looks to me that we just work and sleep. This girl needs to party once and a while rememer when we did that , last time you where at the gender center. You where introduced to the young women's group,(that you just squeezed into clever girl) because he is worried about how you seem to try to tackle everything on your Pat Malone. But we all need some support sometimes and you may enjoy it. Besides this is what no. attempt for you and really how many trans people do you know

Cleopatra*

Besides her

don't say what you're going to say I want names of people you have spoken to personally. See the defense rest. Look Gypsy I know how independent you are and how much you hate having to ask for help. (How many times have we walked more then a few K's then ask for a lift . But this is something you need help in, you learnt that last time.

Hey I object to that. Remember how many times we where in hospital near the end. That wasn't very fun, yes we hadn't told friends or work yet but still at the end, with little work, constant seizures and a hefty prescription bill we made the right decision to stop. Yes we where upset but at least we still had a roof over our head.

Thank you

you enjoyed being called a girl by some of the nurses so it couldn't of been all that bad.

Grr

that's beside the point. Now let's look at the reason she has to worry right now.
Yes the Marc Antony* knows where on hormones and we are trans but it still hasn't sunk in. He still told our BDM that poor Gypsy here is a guy even after they had numerous conversations together. 

Well he thought she was a girl on the phone. That's a pass

Then there is family. You know the unrepresentative swill that we are related to. Not only do we have to tell all our immediate family individually. But we have to go back home and tell everyone in Queensland also because mum said she won't help. I don't want to be run out of another town if it goes bad do you! 

Yass was not a town back then, and besides can you believe the story we where what 3 or 4 . Notice you didn't mention Adelaide in that

Not helping your argument and besides only see them hatches, matches and dispatches.

and what about that lovely argument with her brother and sister in law on one side and mum sister and herself on the other. You know with middle sis wedding next month it is going to get worse. Then finally we have Bill* and Ben*. You know she loves them both but they are always on her back to see them and don't seem to be accepting the transition as well as the say at times. Is it any wonder why she wakes up some nights close to tears.

Thank you love you ♥

Umm if I may Gypsy dear, but remember two years ago you made a resolution what was it.

To seriously start transition and become more sociable.

yes now you have done the first. But have you really done the second??? I know you go to the occasional Dr.Who meeting and I'm proud of you. But how many times have you put it off and said next month. Don't you think Gypsy my sweet that this meeting would be the perfect time to be more sociable. You know the time and location you checked it out today so you can't get lost mmm. I know what's running through that head of yours child, you like to have things perfect before you do them. That's why you don't wear make up outside. But look at yourself in the mirror have a good look at your body. The body its a changing, you have been called a girl at work when having a conversation with people. You are getting there. Remember when you bought your glasses how you felt, how many times have you looked at that Ms, smiled and danced around the room. How many places where treating you as female? Just because you might not be able to see it doesn't mean others can't or its not there. Breath girl relax go on Wednesday you may have fun. 

Look you three its 2300 and I have at least an 11hr shift tomorrow. You lot argue between yourself I'm going to bed. 
Good night (*denotes name changed for privacy reasons)

[LordKAT]

My dear gypsy, it may just pay off to go. Even if you end up not going, remember that you have value, you are somebody. You are a person worth knowing. I would hope that you go and find that there are other people who will get to know you and what a great person you really are.

[immortal gypsy]

Thanks flatery will get you everywhere!

It was so so easy to say yes I'm interested when he (counselor) suggested it to me, knowing I was more then likely to do it. Now it's like yeep it's tomorrow oh cthulhu!!!.

I over analyze things (what do you expect when you teach a 5-6yr old to play cribbage and chess and want them to hold their own). Now part of me is looking at what can go wrong, even if I can't see the problem.

Confidence is a very weird thing with me. Put me in around my friends or in wanting to buy anything I'm fine. (My advice still stands you want make up say it's for your sister. You have the same skin tone as her,  they may suspect but your money is as good as anyones plus less chance of making a mistake.  I got my eyebrows done told them I want to present as female. They where easy.

Put me in a room full of people I don't know and it's instant wallflower, please plant and water every few days. No direct sun. Hence the vow to try to be more sociable, it's good to try to improve oneself right

Part of me says go it will be good for you. The other is a little bit of a rambling mix of emotions right now, that wants to hide under the bed curled up with their stuffed cthulhu

[immortal gypsy]

Ok so short story I went last night . But where is the fun in that, I'll let my brain and emotions tell the story

Hey we did it we went out to the support group

Yes brain

and you talked

I did

plus you didn't disappear straight away afterwards. You interacted, you where actually SOCIAL. I'm so proud and happy for you yippee skippy

I'm glad you are happy

Gypsy just how scared where you getting there and how close where you to missing the connection on purpose?

Umm a lot walked around the unit and waited half an hour after I was supposed to leave wondering if I was going to leave at all

and you still ended up going good girl. Very proud of you

Yes you went and you saw things from a different perspective, however Gypsy it is no good if you only go once. The big test is will you go again, so are we?

Umm yes

really

Cynic



Leave the girl alone. Look it was a big step and you where nervous as Cthulhu, yes you sometimes believe your story sounds weird. But real life is not like fantasy it doesn't have to be perfect it can be crazy. Part of your story your experience you shared may of help others. So are we going next time

I'm still thinking about it this just happened last night

Who cares Gypsy was outside being social with people that she didn't know that where not in a sale situation, I'm so happy.
Umm when are we going to go out again

Not now brain, just let me enjoy the hairdressers ok!