Next stop: work

[ImagineKate]

So my therapist has asked me to consider how I should prepare to come out at work. First of course is HR to ask about policy and my manager. The former I have no problem with but the latter is scary since I've known him for a long time. The good news is that I work in New York and my therapist has assured me that NY has protections for transgender employees from discrimination. I also work at a large company that has offices in NYC, LA, Miami and so on.

Yes I seem to be moving fast but the fact that I'm fully out at home and basically full time at home and part time outside of home and even partially dressing at work is getting me to the point where I need to come out at work.

So, how should I approach this? She said that I should talk to the HR person and do a face to face meeting. Any tips?

I am not that comfortable saying where I work but suffice to say we have LGB employees, but I haven't really sought out any trans coworkers.

[Ms Grace]

You should work out a transition plan with them, talk about when you want to start presenting full time as Kate, what documentation you may need first (eg change of name) how and when you would like the other staff to be informed, what staff need to know about your rights (eg loos) and treating you in a non discriminatory way and the correct gender terms, and other details, like work email, biz cards, directory listing, etc.

Good luck!

[ImagineKate]

Useful answers so far! Thank you. She said I should try to talk to HR over the course of a couple of months but I want to get started with them at least and find out if we have a policy.

My biggest challenge might be the employee gym. I pay extra for it but when transitioning I have to figure out how to change/shower when I'm in transition.

Anyway not getting ahead of myself here!

[ImagineKate]

Meeting today... hr director said she could only see me late in the day. The wait is killing me!

Maybe I'll get some work done in the meantime.   

[Jerri]

I worked out a plan with hr at corp who then helped bring all together through the local hr,  then did about 150 face to face meetings with peer group in 2 days and then a broader email to the rest about 600 full time with 200 contractors. then took some time off and came back to work as myself and have never looked back. full time since end of January this year

[ImagineKate]

Just had the (very short) meeting.

She seemed to just dismiss it as not a big deal, they have a strong nondiscrimination policy and will be accommodating. I was in shock because I expected a barrage of questions. She said there were like 1-2 people she know who have transitioned on the job and when it gets closer, talk to my manager and arrange the date I go full time at work. I asked about bathrooms and she said just use the one you present as.

Her only concern was time off for things like surgery but that's not on the radar yet.

I also asked if insurance covers trans care, she said that open enrollment is in a couple of weeks and I could ask.

All she said is that they care about performance at work and as long as that's fine (it should be) then I'll be fine.

She also said best of luck.

So no, I'm not going to just show up at the office (or on set or in a control room) dressed up en femme... but when I go full time it won't be a shock to everyone either.

[ImagineKate]

You should work out a transition plan with them, talk about when you want to start presenting full time as Kate, what documentation you may need first (eg change of name) how and when you would like the other staff to be informed, what staff need to know about your rights (eg loos) and treating you in a non discriminatory way and the correct gender terms, and other details, like work email, biz cards, directory listing, etc.

Good luck!

From the looks of it, these things are pretty easy. Name change and gender marker change will happen on my official docs and then I go to the security center at work and get them changed. Business cards I order myself from an outside vendor (and they bill the company). As mentioned wrt the bathrooms she said whatever I present as is what I use (but I don't take that to mean I can just go back and forth between them). Email is with the IT dept and pretty much the same as if I were (a woman) getting married or other name change. The email change propagates to the phones and directory. Non-discrimination is not an issue. They have no problem on trans discrimination but they follow all laws, and I can't be fired for being trans.

[ImagineKate]

So today I told my closest co-worker, who sits next to me. I figured I would start with him first because I don't want to shock him with too many changes.

He said he was happy for me, and said I seemed happy these days. That's kind of nice because I do feel happier coming out. But I am glad people are noticing that I'm a happier, nicer person.

I only came out to him because he'll see changes faster than anyone else, since HRT is starting soon, hair is growing, voice training is going to start and electrolysis is killing off my beard...

[robin s]

We seem to be on a similar time line. I told HR on monday that I was trans and planning on going full time in January. Told me supervisor yesterday. I was scared to death both times but it turned out to be for no reason. Each step towards no more hiding feels incredible.

[ImagineKate]

Sooo today it looks pretty obvious that I am going to have to come fully out at work sooner rather than later.

To be blunt, people are noticing.

Well, to be fair I dressed like a woman today. I tried hard to hide it but people noticed. Actually even dressed in guy clothes it's total male fail...

[ImagineKate]

Told my manager and a couple of trusted team members today. My manager was shocked but he said he's happy that I will be happy and says he'll support me all the way. He just wants to know dates I'm planning to go full time. He also says he'll talk to our GM who is his boss so he knows.

That said it's a major weight off me and I feel more confident that I can start coming out more and more, but still slowly.