Double standards

[Jess42]

lol Neither am I, but you probably already knew that.
If you have any advice for how to not care (aside from "just do it" or "have friends" since I have neither friends nor the ability to just do it), I'd love to hear it.

The only advice that I can give for not caring is condition yourself. No, it's not just do it. You have to condition yourself not to care. It may take months but it can be done. You have to convince yourself. God the crap people have said about me. But that's not the real me. Well most of the time it isn't. It can be if I want it to be though. I mean I have heard so much crap about me that it got to a point that it just didn't matter.

Ideas? Yep. I got some. First off self confidence in yourself. OMG. I got confidence in you, you just need to recognize that in yourself. Strong self Identity, my god hon, you are an intimidating personality. If that isn't strong I don't know what is. And be sure of yourself. That is the hard one. And even if you aren't, fake it and put out the air that you are sure of yourself. We all are unsure of ourselves sometimes but the secret is not letting it show.

You've done heard how many of us think you are strong and admire you. You have to see that in yourself. We do. That should mean something. 

[Edge]

Well, none of that works so far. Not completely anyway. Guess it just takes more time. I don't know how much more I can not care though. I'm already the coldest person I know. 

[Jess42]

Well, none of that works so far. Not completely anyway. Guess it just takes more time. I don't know how much more I can not care though. I'm already the coldest person I know.

I won't lie to you Edge. It takes time. And it will always be there. You can care though. There is no need to be cold. I really just don't know how to put it without all the psychological babble. You just have to control it and don't let it control you or let other control you with it. I don't know if that makes any sense or not.

[Edge]

Yeah I understand. I've got the don't let others control me with it part down. Just not the don't care that they're trying part.
I've got to admit though, part of what pisses me off is the fact that they think that crap will work on me.

[Jess42]

Yeah I understand. I've got the don't let others control me with it part down. Just not the don't care that they're trying part.
I've got to admit though, part of what pisses me off is the fact that they think that crap will work on me.

If it doesn't work on you, don't let it piss you off. Even if it does, don't let it show. That usually pisses them off when they think it doesn't work. Eventually it will effect them more than you. It is definitely not easy and something that you have to condition yourself to do but not impossible.

[Edge]

The problem with not showing that I'm pissed off is that then they think it does work and that they can keep doing it.

[NathanielM]

I get pissed of about both of those things too. the first one comes up a lot lately, I swear I say 'I can do whatever a cisguy can do and still be a guy' at least once a day (maybe I'm exagerating a little but still...). But the second one annoys me the most, sorry but if you can't give me the most basic forms of respect I'm not going to spare you either.

I had a very specific situation for years with my close family about some other familymembers (not really though, I don't consider them family) who treated us terribly, but I had to be nice and normal if we saw them for years. I guess maybe that's why I'm so sensitive to the 'you be the better person' line. I had to be nice to those people simply because my mom was worried others would think me rude... Recently we have agreed to disagree and she's even said she was kind of jealous that I could react the way I wanted. So progress is being made

The freedom of opinion/speech thing has bothered me for years, it doesn't mean that you a) can say whatever you want and be rude and b) are free from other opinions and criticism. You want to spout your opinions, you better learn to deal with mine! Also I don't really believe in the 'if you ignore them it will pass' idea, my experience is that a nice clear 'You don't get to mess with me' message works better then ignoring. Also it makes me feel a lot better if I say something then if I just endure it all. Sometimes just letting people continue gives them the message that it's okay to do that.

The caring thing is an issue. I care far too much sadly. I've sort of stopped tring to stop caring, I'm afraid I'll never get there anyway. I just allow it to hurt for a moment, but try not to let it influence how I end up acting. And I try to act up, because as I mentioned earlier that helps me. Knowing I did something about it, and then trying to let it go. And, this may be weird, but I practice 'being me' with my friends. I'll be going to my supportgroup in kilt on saturday, just because I want to and like it, and I kind of want to get more positve experience being totally me. I am lucky however to have this small amount of people where I can practice.

(sorry for wall of text and possible irrelevance )

[Edge]

(sorry for wall of text and possible irrelevance )

No need to apologize. It is completely relevant.

Also I don't really believe in the 'if you ignore them it will pass' idea, my experience is that a nice clear 'You don't get to mess with me' message works better then ignoring. Also it makes me feel a lot better if I say something then if I just endure it all. Sometimes just letting people continue gives them the message that it's okay to do that.

I completely agree and have experienced the same thing.