Elegant 40's pre-op transgender lady seeks sane and solvent gentleman for...

[Julia-Madrid]

Girls, here's the dilemma:

My friends are all gently prodding me to start dating, and since a coupled male friend recently told me quite bluntly what he would want if he wasn't coupled, let's say that I have begun wondering whether I should see what's out there.

There are some issues:  being pre-op and pre-hair transplant, some bits are (let's be honest) fake.  Then we have men in Madrid.  A little conservative and patriarchal,  and probably scared of a woman who's likely to be better educated than they are, never mind the terrible indignity that she might earn more than they do.   We can overcome these, however. 

Then there's the issue of meeting people.  It would probably be dating websites, and here you find that the same ol' suspects seem to turn up on all the websites and hang around for a while.  So I'm cautious of using all of my ammo in a pre-op state if my situation is going to be radically changed in a year's time after SRS.

So what's your feeling?  Do I see what's out there now, or do I wait a year?  Am I being too cautious?   And why do you say this?

Thanks y'all 
Hugs
Julia

[Jess42]

Always be cautious. But testing the waters don't hurt anything but still be cautious though.

With men all you have to do is boost their egos and they could care less if you are more educated than they are. I wouldn't even bring it up especially in the beginning. As for making more money, another thing I wouldn't bring up in the beginning.

But Julia, you have to do what you feel is right. No one else. You can test the waters or you can wait. But it all comes down to what makes you more comfortable. All guys are different in what they are looking for just as we are with what we are looking for.

Personally I go swimming all that I can but still use extreme caution. Not now though because I know who he is. Plus have been friends for a long time. But anyone new, caution is a must.

[Auroramarianna]

Can I ask when you're going to have SRS? To be honest, I would never date pre-op, it just sounds so dangerous. But being sexless for years also sounds very unpleasant, so IDK. Maybe you could try dating websites, most men who are shy to date will also have accounts there. And I think dating websites have accepting people, who are more willing to explore their sexuality. Obviously you want a man who treats like you the woman you are, have you found anyone that's interested and knows your story and is interesting to you? Maybe that would be the best approach. Someone who already knows and doesn't mind would be your best bet. But you have to be interested as well, so um yes.

Good luck

[suzifrommd]

So what's your feeling?  Do I see what's out there now, or do I wait a year?  Am I being too cautious?   And why do you say this?

I say, if you want to date, date. I wouldn't worry about The "usual suspects" aren't the one's you're looking for, anyway. The people you want are those that come in and out of the dating pool quickly. Because they're decent people with reasonable standards, and so they find someone and move on. I wouldn't worry about using all your ammo - a lot of the same 'ol suspects will turn out to be "blanks".

[Kiwi_bloke]

So I'm cautious of using all of my ammo in a pre-op state if my situation is going to be radically changed in a year's time after SRS.

I hope you don't mind if I offer an independent perspective here, but it seems to me that any person who wasn't 100% supportive of you wouldn't be worth the price of a postcard anyway. That says that if you're after a long-term relationship, the best policy is openness from the start.

Less heartbreak and more chance of success, but be very careful at all times.

Dating websites do have some success stories but they are extremely risky on many fronts. There's nothing will ever replace the chance face to face meeting for humans. You just need to be among people and it will happen.

[Assoluta]

I hope you don't mind if I offer an independent perspective here, but it seems to me that any person who wasn't 100% supportive of you wouldn't be worth the price of a postcard anyway. That says that if you're after a long-term relationship, the best policy is openness from the start.

Less heartbreak and more chance of success, but be very careful at all times.

Dating websites do have some success stories but they are extremely risky on many fronts. There's nothing will ever replace the chance face to face meeting for humans. You just need to be among people and it will happen.

I don't see how dating sites are necessarily hugely risky - if anything, you can get some kind of evaluation of that person before you meet them. The person you meet by chance in 'real life' has an equal chance of being a weirdo as someone you meet on a dating site. I have met many people on a dating site, with various outcomes, but none which ever put me at risk. Of course, there is the chance of being at risk, but that isn't limited to dating sites.

[herekitten]

Go for it. You strike me as a smart girl who has her wits and smarts about her, so I don't want to say "Don't throw caution to the wind".  Just use your common sense, your good looks and let your gut instincts guide you when you do meet someone. 

There are many sane and solvent individuals out there who are intelligent and have such deep minds that the state of what is between your legs is not as important to them as it probably is to you. I have been lucky to have met a few and I did so because I took my own advice not to sit around and wait for this or that to be one way or another. No time like the present.

You are probably wrestling whether to be upfront about your private parts or not because this is the only real issue with your possibility of dating. I can only tell you that my best relationship ever in my life is with a man I accidently met online and I told him. Voila! 18 married years later and a son in college, it is still like the first day we met in person (it was magical, like being in a dream.. our first thoughts were "there you are!").  Before him, I'd never told anyone right away.

I can't say the same will happen to you, but we just won't know until you test the waters.  You may experience heartbreak, but you will also experience great joy.  I will wish and hope for you that the person of your dreams come into your life   

[Julia-Madrid]

Thanks to all of you for your contributions

I'm not scared of dating websites.  Before I decided to transition, as a fake "gay guy" I met three great boyfriends from them.  I guess it's as valid a way of meeting new people as any other, but the dynamics do change when you're a girl, so caution is a must. 

And I would make it clear in my profile that I'm preop:  one thing is to be pre-op with bits that you don't commonly expect on a girl (hey, some guys will be interested in those, no doubt); the other is to be all girl post-op but with an, ahem, history.

@Suzi - I did chuckle about the same 'ol suspects turning out to be "blanks" - took that one a little bit further in my head...

@Aurora - SRS is scheduled for July 2015, so no post-op dating for me until December 2015 in realistic terms 

@Kitten - great point of view and advice!    Honestly, I've always been lucky in my relationships.  I was married for 14 years before things stopped working, and don't need a relationship to feel good about myself.  But breakfast in bed on Sundays with someone you love really is fun...

@Jess - here's to diving in the deep end!

Thanks again girls. 
Mwah Mwah
Julia