what to wear

[angie]

have my second therapist appointment on Friday, went dressed as Angie to my first appointment and the therapist really thought I looked good, my question is I only have one outfit that I found that I look really good in, should I wear it again or should I wear one of my other ones that I don't look quite as good in, I know I'm thinking too much into this but I also like going out before shopping because I don't have any other times to do it where I live, being from a small town and going to a large city it's nice not having anyone there that recognize you or knows you. not quite ready for other people to know until I come out full time

[Alexis2107]

have my second therapist appointment on Friday, went dressed as Angie to my first appointment and the therapist really thought I looked good, my question is I only have one outfit that I found that I look really good in, should I wear it again or should I wear one of my other ones that I don't look quite as good in, I know I'm thinking too much into this but I also like going out before shopping because I don't have any other times to do it where I live, being from a small town and going to a large city it's nice not having anyone there that recognize you or knows you. not quite ready for other people to know until I come out full time

wear what makes you feel good in, I would!  And I know exactly what you're about, I live in a small town in Indiana so I do the same when I am in Indianapolis. 

[Gabrielle_22]

I agree with Alexis. Wear what will make you feel comfortable and good. If you want to modify it slightly, do you have a piece on the original outfit you can swap out for something else, like a cardigan or belt or accessory? What was your outfit, if you don't mind me asking?

[angie]

A gray sweeter with a pair of cute jeans I just got and some black heels!  Have some different earnings and necklace I can wear. Was thinking of wearing the same top and shoes and a jean skirt! 

[Anna-Maria]

Wow you´re seeing your therapist dressed-up?

I refused to see my psychiatrist being dressed-up.  What´s the need for? I mean, honestly, clothing shouldn´t define who you are. And if you´re going there in a boilersuit it makes you no less a woman. Or should a female car mechanic be denied for being recognized as a "real" woman just because her clothing doesn´t fit right in societal perceptions of femininity? Honey, you don´t have to make evidence about your femininity in the way you dress, just to appease some awkward perceptions on being female. Anyone who says otherwise that is talking crap.

Not to be misunderstood, I´m not judging you I´m just saying that there should be no need to dress up in a way you may feel uncomfortable right now, pre-HRT and pre living full time.

Btw my psych never mentioned the issue but if he had done, he would have got a reply to remember for   

[Gabrielle_22]

Wow you´re seeing your therapist dressed-up?

I refused to see my psychiatrist being dressed-up.  What´s the need for? I mean, honestly, clothing shouldn´t define who you are. And if you´re going there in a boilersuit it makes you no less a woman. Or should a female car mechanic be denied for being recognized as a "real" woman just because her clothing doesn´t fit right in societal perceptions of femininity? Honey, you don´t have to make evidence about your femininity in the way you dress, just to appease some awkward perceptions on being female. Anyone who says otherwise that is talking crap.

Not to be misunderstood, I´m not judging you I´m just saying that there should be no need to dress up in a way you may feel uncomfortable right now, pre-HRT and pre living full time.

Btw my psych never mentioned the issue but if he had done, he would have got a reply to remember for   

I see mine presenting as female too, actually, and I think some other members on here have posted about doing so, as well. In my case, I started off seeing her in male mode; I was too scared to present in public at the time, and my gender therapist is located on the university campus I teach and take courses at. After talking with her for a few sessions, I made small steps in one session--wearing a bit of eyeliner and a "boyfriend" shirt for girls, things like that--before going all out and presenting in a skirt and top in the next one. It was a way of testing and building confidence. Beyond that, I actually found I felt more comfortable talking to my therapist as Gabrielle/Gabby. I always see her presenting as female now, though I don't have to. It isn't a question of being accepted as "female" based on clothing or appearance for me; rather, it's because I would rather present as female, have a relatively safe space to do it in in her office, and have gained confidence in passing and presenting by doing so.

For instance, I was in the waiting room once with a girl I know as an acquaintance, who only knows me as a male. Had she recognised me, she would doubtless have said hi and asked how things were going. But she doesn't know I'm trans* and showed no sign of recognising me; she gave me the quick look of brief assessment you might give any otherwise unremarkable person when they enter a waiting room. Might she have realised it was me at a longer glance? Who knows. But the point was that I passed then as someone else. The same happened with a therapist I had spoken to just once when I first registered for gender counselling; she saw me presenting as Gabby and, as my own therapist later told me, initially assumed I was a cis-female, then went to ask my therapist later if that was me (since she knew I was there for mtf trans* issues).

Little moments like that helped boost my confidence, which is why I still go presenting as female there.

[angie]

I am with you I'm Way more comfortable talking about it is Angie,  and since I do eventually plan on going full time also like using it too start making myself more comfortable out public which is already starting to happen. I am quickly becoming comfortable as Angie and  looking forward to the time that I can be her all the time

[evecrook]

I go all the  time in nice out fit, but I do have my favorite  blue flower print. I just bought a new dress so I'm going  in that today

[Lostkitten]

Wow you´re seeing your therapist dressed-up?

I refused to see my psychiatrist being dressed-up.  What´s the need for? I mean, honestly, clothing shouldn´t define who you are. And if you´re going there in a boilersuit it makes you no less a woman. Or should a female car mechanic be denied for being recognized as a "real" woman just because her clothing doesn´t fit right in societal perceptions of femininity? Honey, you don´t have to make evidence about your femininity in the way you dress, just to appease some awkward perceptions on being female. Anyone who says otherwise that is talking crap.

Not to be misunderstood, I´m not judging you I´m just saying that there should be no need to dress up in a way you may feel uncomfortable right now, pre-HRT and pre living full time.

Btw my psych never mentioned the issue but if he had done, he would have got a reply to remember for 

You will be surprised =/. Where I go/went I had been told so many times she wondered why I wouldn't wear red lipstick, high heels or fake breasts. I just said that wasn't me and instead of feeling more feminine I will just feel like I try to pretend being a hooker x_x. But only till she spoke with my therapist she was convinced x___x.

A lot got quite an interesting way of seeing things but then again.. if you can go in a full blown 'woman' mode, you at least do have the guts to come out for it, and to start with HRT where you draw attention. Not for me, but it can be good I suppose =/.

[Anna-Maria]

You will be surprised =/. Where I go/went I had been told so many times she wondered why I wouldn't wear red lipstick, high heels or fake breasts. I just said that wasn't me and instead of feeling more feminine I will just feel like I try to pretend being a hooker x_x. But only till she spoke with my therapist she was convinced x___x.

The same for me

Let me tell you something.

Sure, I´m advocating that everyone should do it the way it feels better to them. If it feels right for someone presenting in female mode while not being through the whole transition process it´s all fine. I´m the last person to police other´s behaviors and ways to be... It´s just that some therapists still seem to have some curious perception about being female and being trans and they´re pressing for presenting as female, regardless if it feels right to their patients. I think about this as violence if it´s not consensual, i.e. also the trans person likes it that way.

For me, I had sessions prior to work in the mornings and at my workplace no one knows about me being Trans (till now), while my work requires me to suit up. So I had therapy sessions sitting there in a suit (or was it me presenting as a butch dyke?  )

In the very first session I told my psych right away that I´m not here for presenting him a Drag show. I´m here to come to terms with my transition process and that´s some kind of inner struggle. If he can´t be convinced over my Gender Dysphoria letting me talk and being the way I am, I´m sorry for him. If he needs to see me in a silly skirt for being convinced, I´m sorry for him and I call him a voyeur. But none of this ever happened. I was sitting there in my suit talking for 45 minutes each session (my poor psych hardly ever got a word to say ) and after 5 sessions I got me diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria.

You know, I´ve been bullied in school ever since for being girlish in mannerism, the way I walk, think and talk. Even the way I threw the balls in the sports classes was targeted.  I tried too hard to fit in male stereotypes and I closely became dilapidated. I´m far beyond accommodating any perceptions anymore. I´m doing it my way. I´m going to dress up as soon as it feels right for me. When my body and my mind are ready. I think that´s the key for a stressless and more or less easy transition. To me it feels like I´m doing it somewhat somnambule. Every step I take just has to feel right at a certain moment. And it worked out till now. As I said, it´s my way and I don´t police others´ ways. I just don´t want anyone being pressed to something they don´t want at the moment.

xoxo

[Gabrielle_22]

I certainly agree that a therapist should not dictate what someone wear--therapy is not meant to make our bodies into a spectacle. But it is possible, as it was with me, to have a therapist who does not tell you how to come to her office but merely allows you to come in any way you feel comfortable. And if you're testing the waters in terms of presenting as female in public, and her office is a safe space, what's wrong with going to the therapist like that? Besides, if you have wanted for years to go out as your real female self and this is one of your first chances to do so in a supportive environment, there's nothing odd or showy about doing so.

I personally felt happier presenting as my female self in front my therapist, not because I had to, but because doing so makes me happier and I want to present like that as much as I can. And I have never once been told by her what to wear. Clearly, some therapists might want to make a show out of it, but those bad examples are no reason to suggest that merely going presenting as female is somehow unusual or a negative form of spectacle.

But I agree with Anna-Maria that no therapist should have to be "shown" that you are "authentically" trans* by having you present in front them. Perhaps I was simply lucky in having a counsellor who did not question the reality of my experience.

[stephaniec]

I just feel way more comfortable in my proper attire .

[Anna-Maria]

And if you're testing the waters in terms of presenting as female in public, and her office is a safe space, what's wrong with going to the therapist like that? Besides, if you have wanted for years to go out as your real female self and this is one of your first chances to do so in a supportive environment, there's nothing odd or showy about doing so.

Nothing´s wrong with this As long as it is your free and independent decision, come as you are. If you´re feeling good with it and you feel to express yourself better with that, do it.

For my Gender Dysphoria never had to do with clothing or make up (I mean, granted, I love female clothing and shoes OMG  ) but that´s no evidence for whatever happens inside me. Also I was never inclined for cross dressing or being a Drag. I want to bring my subconscious sex in line with my body. Since I can´t change my brain, I have to do some changes in my body. Clothing fits that body but it should be a female body for me. Dressing up pre-HRT is nothing of concern for me.

xoxo

[Anna-Maria]

I'm curious, Anna Maria, how far along you'd consider your body female enough ?

As soon as it feels right to me. As soon as I can see and feel my body as a female one. What else?

[Anna-Maria]

for myself I will always know my body is male even after SRS... I've made my peace with it

Oh ok that makes me feel sorry for you...    I guess, if you´ll never quit seeing your body as male, even after SRS, so how do you think you can cope with your Gender Dysphoria?
I mean, in this case your own body will be a trigger for Gender Dysphoria everytime you´ll see yourself in a mirror...

Personally, I (and many other people) see lots of female traits in my body and my mind is absolutely female, ever was. I´m quite sure that my transition is going to work out pretty good. Transition also won´t be a never ending struggle for me.  That´s all not the question in my case. Even my psych said, I would come to pass easily.

Instead, what´s relevant for me is, to have my transition working as I´ve previously planned it. Some kind of gliding over, you know? That means, everything at its time. Dressing up comes last. I decided to do my transition in boy mode until I´m not able to "pass" as male anymore. Then it´s going to be time for starting living full time.

I think, for me this will be the psychologically safest way for transitioning but as I said before, anyone should do it according to their own sentiments and plans.

xoxo

[becoming gianna]

Im just over a month in, so no matter what i put on, id still look like the bearded lady. After a day you could strike a match on my face lol. So when i go to the clinic i usually go drab. Motorcycle jacket, jeans and beat up high tops. The only sideways look i ever got from the doc/therapist was the first time i met her and she asked why i was there. The kid at the front desk forgot to put the reason for my visit on the paperwork. Ive been there 3 times now and am quickly realising that it doesnt matter what i wear. Im also kind of broke, so i walk 20 city blocks to save on subway costs, so weather and walking appropriate garb is in order.