How do you tell a guy I am dating that I am trans. HELP

[anjaq]

I like Assoluta's suggestion best.
Let someone first get to know you without the prejudices in the head and then tell what happened to you in the past once he really knows you as a person and loves you. And then use careful words, not "I was a man" - thats stupid. I would probably try to phrase it very differently. Still, I think especially if it would be someone of african or turkish heritage here in Germany or if I would be in the USA maybe - and a dozend other countries. I might rather be careful about the timing and the presence of people or weapons as these people seem to have a cultural background that I cannot really understand and that seems more likely to spur violence.

It is true that things depend on your backstory. I did my name change at 24 and before that most of my life was gender neutral except maybe I had more male than female friends and went on vacation with them. So that would not be too odd, but other life experiences may differ.

[Joanna Dark]

If you tell him please do it in close proximity to others. You may need the help. 

I'm a firm-believer that is she needs help, as in the guy becomes violent, maybe it's best to not be with him. I would never, exer be with a guy that's violent. It's such a turn-off (A) and I believe I speak for many women in this regard. Feeling safe and protected is one thing; feeling like my BF is going to hit someone for looking at me breasts is quite another.

[anjaq]

Can you tell for sure if a guy is going to be violent when it comes to such a situation? I am not sure. I would think, I would sense such a personality before, if he makes remarks about violence. But I dont know if it is always so easy.

[suzifrommd]

Can you tell for sure if a guy is going to be violent when it comes to such a situation? I am not sure. I would think, I would sense such a personality before, if he makes remarks about violence. But I dont know if it is always so easy.

A guy can certainly hide his willingness to be violent for a few weeks or even a few months.

[noleen111]

He Well ladies I told him, not when I wanted but I did because I felt bad... Here is why

I was planning to wait and let the relationship grow.. Make sure he just does not want me for a fling... But on Thursday night.. I was at his place and we were relaxing on his crunch chatting, I had my pantyhose feet in his lap and he was giving me a foot rub, my feet were sore.. He thought my French mani toes were cute.. Lol Spend a lot of the day walking around the store where I work in my 4 inch heels.

The topic of hopes and dreams came up.. And one of his hopes was to have kids someday. I then really felt bad, as I know I can't give him kids.. He picked up my change in body language when he mentioned kids. He first asked what is wrong. Don't I want a family someday. I said yes I would love to a mother someday, but I can't have kids.. He first asked why.. I said well I don't have a womb or a uterus .. Then I  joked.. At least u will not have a woman with pms.  Then I told him I was transgender.. He had a lot of questions naturally.. I told him.. I am a woman.. As he has seen me naked and seen my vagina.. It does work like a woman's minus the pregnant part.  I would love to adopt someday.

We then talked for over 3 hours about my transgender.. How I felt as a child and how hrt saved me and turned my life around.. He even asked about transplanting a womb and a uterus. He saw an article online.. I remember seeing the same article about a woman who had transplant and gave birth.. I explained that was a cis-gender woman and this have never ever being attempted in a trans woman. He asked if I had a chance to get an op like that.. Would I go for it.. I said in a heart beat as I would love to experience pregnancy.

In the end of the evening he thanked me for my honestly.. And I still wants to date as he only sees the woman. He could not believe I was ever a man.
And at that evening ended with us now being exclusive.. So I now have a boyfriend. Yay. We are gonna take things slow.. And I told him I don't want people knowing my past. He was fine with that.

He gave me a  passionate kiss good night. It made my toes curl lol.. He a good kisser.

[trapsouldoor]

Congratulations, noleen! I'm glad things went so well for you, he sounds like a great guy

[Jaz650]

Happy for you! God bless your relationship!

[Alaena_okc]

Congrats hunn, its good to hear others finally finding love

[Jess42]

Wow, that sounds like a fairytale (Not being sarcastic but a true fairy tale) with an extremely happy ending. Not all guys are bad, I say it all the time. Some are though but it looks like you found your "prince" noleen. Not everyone can have children so that is not a deal breaker for most people anyway. I can't, man or woman. There is always the option of adoption.

I'm so happy for you. I wish both of you good luck in the relationship.

[pretty pauline]

That's great news Noleen, the hardest bit is done, it's great to have that out of the way, now that he knows, your relationship can move on, my husband knows my history, we never discuss it, distance history, but never have to worry about it.
Good luck, I hope he spoils you the way a girl should be spoiled.

[stephaniec]

great news

[April_TO]

what an inspiration

I hope to find a man someday to spoil me rotten LOL.

xo

[Jen682]

Noleen,

I am so happy that it went well for you.  It looks like in a pinch, you found the right words at the right time.   

Best Wishes,

Jen

[April Lee]

Sis, I've got to say something here. If you are in this situation, you are indeed very blessed, and I am actually incredibly happy for you. Yes, you should tell him, and I can sure see the difficulty and pain in doing that, but you have won the lottery, if you find yourself in that position. You have completely made it to the other side, and that should give you a chill in your very soul.