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Started by Umiko, October 29, 2014, 01:27:58 AM

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Umiko

no worries, its just to much of a drag and troublesome so I won't get to the point of suicide. been there done that, it didn't work so why try it again. I just need to go back to school. taking a semester off has proved to be detrimental
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Taka

taking a semester off only works if you can fill it with something meaningful.
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Jess42

Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on October 30, 2014, 08:40:43 AM
no worries, its just to much of a drag and troublesome so I won't get to the point of suicide. been there done that, it didn't work so why try it again. I just need to go back to school. taking a semester off has proved to be detrimental

Seriously Brianna, I have no Idea what you are majoring in school but maybe try writing classes. The poem was Bas A$$. I loved it. Wish there would have been more of it. Kind of like a Shakespeare. Writing I think you have a talent for especially darker stuff which I love.

Quote from: Taka on October 30, 2014, 08:56:38 AM
taking a semester off only works if you can fill it with something meaningful.

Wow, Taka. You are truly wise. And insightful.
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Umiko

thnx. I do enjoy writing. I've been told if I publish, I'd sell but idk if I'm that good or will ever be
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Jess42

Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on October 30, 2014, 03:13:58 PM
thnx. I do enjoy writing. I've been told if I publish, I'd sell but idk if I'm that good or will ever be

Don't worry about if you sell or not. If people tell you you're good, unless they're your mom or dad, you probably are and just try to get something published. I thought it was a good poem and I know a little, just a little though. Don't doubt yourself. Actually, I take that back. Doubt yourself all you want but go and try it anyway. Do it for you. Not for fame. Not for fortune. just a release and if you make a living off of it, then good for you. Not everything is for the fortune and fame sweetie. Sometimes we do things because we enjoy it, sometimes because it is a relief, sometimes it is like draining and abscess and feels really good. If money is a secondary, than just go with it and count yourself lucky. But when it comes to creativity, never consider the money the number one priority. But your own sense of accomplishment. You know how many people write and want to get published? A lot. Work on it. I am so sure you can make that little poem go deeper and darker. Everything is a work in progress. Make it more hon and take us to hell with you. >:-) It had some power to it but please take me to hell with you. Add to it. Make it darker, more sinister. You are the driver and I'm just along for the ride.

It was a little short so is what I'm saying making much sense? You have potential. But take me to your hell and suffering. That is what a good author does. I tasted it but am hungry for just a little more. Make me really feel it. Make me suffer and feel your suffering. I mean. Edgar Allan Poe. We were the one that killed the buzzard looking old man and hid his remains under the floor and could hear his heartbeat when the Inspectors came to the house. We could all hear the heart beating driving us toward madness. In the Raven, we were all a little crazy and insane.

It was a really good poem, but take us a little deeper into your hell. Use it hon. You write really good and I personally think that is a good calling for you. I really enjoyed it but please take me deeper into the darkness. Build on it Brianna. It was a little vague and I absolutely don't want to ask any questions.

I want more. Give it hon. Build on it and let the vague be revealed. Comedy or tragedy? There is only these two in literature. How does your poem end? More please.
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Umiko

I could go even darker. I wrote many shorts stories that were darker than Edger Allan Pope, so I was told but I lost the passion to do so
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Jess42

Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on October 30, 2014, 04:48:58 PM
I could go even darker. I wrote many shorts stories that were darker than Edger Allan Pope, so I was told but I lost the passion to do so

Wow! Post them please. Darker than Poe. I curtsy to you. I personally would love to tread them. Don't lose the passion Hon.

Brianna, we all have talents. What I read at the beginning of this post. I don't care much for poems unless it is something dark and sinister. But more please. PM the short stories to me if you want. or post them here. I will give you an honest opinion. If I think darkness then you know it is pretty good. If you can scare me, then I shall bow down to the princess or prince, whichever you prefer, of darkness and five you the horns. >:-) ;D
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Umiko

idk. maybe later. I had a very long day, and every muscle in my body is screaming at me since I barely had any food or water today. in terms of monarchy of darkness, I'm considered one of the seven kings. my sin is wrath, but can call me whatever
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Umiko

you want something dark than here's one.
there once was a girl. she went through life like normal. there was her ups and downs but nothing out of the ordinary, until the day it happened. one this day her life changed. she was walking down the street where she meet him. he looked ordinary but he held a dark secret. he walked up to her with such a sinister smile, it froze the soul. with one touch, she passed out with the last thing she sees his his evil smile. she wakes up somewhere becuz it didn't look like any building or room. "hello little bird. are you ready to sing?" he held a thin bladein his hand. "did you know if your careful, you can skin someone 3000x without killing them? oh the glory, the sweet sit. its a really turn on." that smile on his face became even more sinister. "let us begin the rehearsal my little bird. you will sing your greatest song in your greatest voice. it shall be glorious and magnificent." he places the blade on her skin and starts cutting. she screams so loud but it wasn't loud enough for him. "come on little bird. you could sing louder than that. sing for me and make it glorious." she tries to struggle but she couldn't escape. "I know what would be a good finale." he sits the skinless girl on a chair and place his hand on her chest. he than stabs his hand into her chest and pulls out her heart. it beats fast in his hand still pumping. she couldn't scream, she couldn't talk. the horror and terror in her eyes that was beyond human comprehension. "such a beautiful heart. so small and fragile." he place her heart close to his chest and huges it. than with a smile, a smile that made it look like his mouth was full of razor sharp teeth, he eats her heart in front of her. a fate worse than death just fell on her. he places a red rose on her corpse and whispers "I wish you the same happiness that you gave to me little bird. your song was beautiful and magnificent. I wish we had more time to spend together but I am still happy." he walks away, his evil laughter echoed to the deepest parts of the earth and shuck the skies. she rose up after 3 days. she became something evil. wings darker the darkness, ripped from the skin of her shoulder blades. the pain was nothimg . her skin formed back and horns torn threw the sides of her skull. her eyes became crimson blood red, and all who looks into them, their souls would burn away into nothingness. her anger so hot, getting even one soul mill with turn you into ash including your soul. she jumps into the night a. "all humans must die. I shall tear them apart until there's nothing left." she finds the man that killed her. he was shocked but smiled. "oh lookie here. the little bird sings again." she opens her eyes and stares him direct in the eyes. his body buckled, his limps began to bubble up, than finally, he exploded. blood and guts were all over the the placed. now this time, she was smiling
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Taka

that's kind of dark. and a little bit gory.

maybe i could tell you about this dream i once had, before things had ended completely with my ex.
i was taking him around, showing him the different places that have defined me. like the grade school i went to.
playing there like children do, but in the midst of the game he became two. one good and one bad, not that any difference could be seen visually. it felt like i had to choose one of them, but then a choice was made for me. one shot the other, they'd been playing that kind of game, chasing each other, both seeking the right to live.
shocked to see my boyfriend fall, i also felt joy at knowing the evil one was the one left for me to choose.
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Umiko

well you wanted dark, so I gave you dark lol. I can also do happy but I'd feel weird since I haven't done them in awhile
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Jess42

Yep that was dark and I enjoyed it. Asked for it even.  But.. A little constructive criticism. Do a little research. The skin is the largest human organ. So a human can only be skinned one time. without skin she would  have died. If not skinning someone alive would make the n probably pass out or put them in shock. So maybe after he skinned her alive, she came back to consciousness with  the horns.  And then ...

This is the same thing an editor would do.
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Taka

why do happy... unless it's killing zombies!
have you ever tried that? it's seriously fun.

can you do any darker?
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Jess42

Quote from: Taka on October 31, 2014, 02:12:00 AM
why do happy... unless it's killing zombies!
have you ever tried that? it's seriously fun.

can you do any darker?

UGH. Zombies are so overrated. You don't need zombies. Live humans still breathing are more scary and way darker than zombies. Live humans can get creative in the sadism, zombies just want to eat brains.

So sorry Taka but Zombies would probably starve to death nowadays. ;)
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Umiko

its very possible as long as you cut closer to the surface. or simple drown them in acid and that will eat away at their skin but its no fun. I'm a vampire so I have to fight zombies on a daily basis or and they aren't dumb and slow as you see on TV. the are more cunning than the oldest of vampires so even she needs to tread carefully. I can go as dark as I need to but everything has a price and that would cause me to have night terrors for a week depending on how far I go
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Taka

you have dark nightmares?
i have dark and violent dreams, but they aren't nightmares. not for me at least.

Quote from: Jess42 on October 31, 2014, 02:19:02 AM
UGH. Zombies are so overrated. You don't need zombies. Live humans still breathing are more scary and way darker than zombies. Live humans can get creative in the sadism, zombies just want to eat brains.

So sorry Taka but Zombies would probably starve to death nowadays. ;)
i was talking about killing zombies for recreation. the best ones look like real people, so killing them is fun. (can't kill real people, as that would be considered murder).
i feel a little bit sorry for them though, existing only for our entertainment.
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Umiko

of course I have nightmares. its the price in have to pay. its not all bad sometimes. the worse part is, I remember or forced to remember but its whatever
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Jess42

Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on October 31, 2014, 02:50:00 AM
of course I have nightmares. its the price in have to pay. its not all bad sometimes. the worse part is, I remember or forced to remember but its whatever

Ok so I may have some real "problems". I love nightmares. I don't know why but love them.


Now everyone can truly call me crazy. I'll own it.
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Taka

Quote from: Jess42 on October 31, 2014, 02:55:16 AM
Ok so I may have some real "problems". I love nightmares. I don't know why but love them.


Now everyone can truly call me crazy. I'll own it.
why do you call them nightmares if you like them?
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Umiko

nightmares aren't pleasant and if you find them nice than your obviously having a dream. but all dreams are nightmares becuz its basically a reactment of something from your memory
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