Was planning on coming out before Thanksgiving...

[Avinia]

This is something I have been struggling with for almost 2 months now, when will I finally tell my family.

I was planning on coming out to my mom and dad on National Coming Out Day, since I had tested the waters by bringing up that transsexual show on Amazon Prime, and they hadn't reacted too badly. So I ended up being all ready, spent the 2 days prior to it gaining courage, and the night before I was planning on coming out, my brother and his wife called saying that they were going to be coming home(his wife's dad committed suicide recently). So I chickened out and also thought about the consequences of coming out.

Now, once again, I am certain that I need to come out to my parents, before I graduate high school. As much as I would love to wait, I don't think I can stand to wait much longer. I am trying now to find a time when my brothers are not going to be around, and hopefully only when my mom is around, because I kind of am less afraid of her than my dad.

The main reason I am debating this again, is because I am thinking that they probably just want me to be happy and actually have friends and be able to socialize, so they will hopefully be a bit more accepting because of that(at this moment I have maybe 2 people I actually consider friends, and have pretty much locked myself in my room).

My issue, is the actual coming out part of it. It was easy when I told my friends, because I emailed them, and my cousins, because they pretty much pressured me into it. But my parents, as far as I know, barely suspect it, if they do they are waiting for me to come out with it. Problem with that, is I have never been very vocal with things that bother me, unless my parents are not around.

I would write a letter, or text my parents, but I feel like that would seem like I am not actually serious.. I also just don't want them to find out like that. This is seriously the scariest thing I have ever done, and I have thought it through my head probably a billion times(good thing about this, is I am no longer afraid of the horror movie I saw today).

Anyways, Thanksgiving is my deadline because my older brother and his wife will probably be home on that day, and my uncle is most likely going to be here as well... also I feel like I will never come out if I don't do it by then.

[Avinia]

Well, it is now about 30min away from when I planned on telling my mom, and once again I am having second thoughts. But I think I have decided for now, after reading some coming out stories, that it might be best just to ask to see a gender therapist, and only go further into why I need to see one if she asks. I kind of feel like coming out completely as transsexual right now, would make me just sound confused, and possibly ruin any chances I have of keeping my family involved in my life.

At least this way I could hopefully start therapy and get an official diagnoses, and hopefully have someone to talk face to face about how to start transitioning, and actually tell my parents.

[LivingTheDream]

You can tell your parents whenever you feel ready to do so, you don't have to rush it or set a mandatory deadline to do so.

However, 2nd thoughts will turn into 3rd thoughts, then to 4th thoughts etc lol, until you actually do it. I have been meaning to have the talk with my brother for quite awhile but still haven't done so, prolly up to 100th thoughts by now on that lol.

Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst as well.

Lets us know how it goes?

[Avinia]

My mom ended up falling asleep early last night, so I never got around to talking about it.

Then today I had a horrible morning, which made me rethink this all again.. involved a lot of sad thoughts about suicide, running away, etc... and has ended with me deciding that I need to find a good day and just come out with it, before I end up wasting 20 years trying to hide who I really am.

So, I guess I am still working on coming out to myself, and accepting it.

[awilliams1701]

I held off on telling 2 of my 3 sisters because I was afraid of how they would react. Then I realized it makes no difference if the accept/reject me now or in 5 years. So I came out and while I got the reactions correct, they were actually reversed. I have one that I'm not talking to and one that's very hesitant about it, but is trying to deal with it. I'm also 100% out now and that's the best thing ever.

[Avinia]

Well, it really is starting to seem like things are just going to keep getting in my way..

Felt like asking for therapy last night, then ended up deciding not to ruin the day for my parents, after they got a call from my brother announcing that he and his wife are having a baby...

[MelissaAnn]

Avinia,

What I started doing as I was coming out, I first started with people who know me but could not have a direct impact on my immediate family and friends and I found the more people that I did let into my world about my transition, the easier it has become. What I did to inform my ex-wife and my children was to write a letter and hand it to them, and let them read it while I was there this way, I got all the information that I wanted to share with them out of the way without getting sidetracked with questions until after they read the letter. I found this approach a lot easier. The other nice part about it is they all get the same information From the letter and was not being translated from one person to the next on what they heard, versus what I said. And maybe one person would ask a question that the other person didn't even think of at the time. Their understanding of the situation and what I was going through was greatly enhanced this way. Just food for thought, everybody's path is different, and I truly wish yours to be as obstacle free as possible. Best of luck to you on your journey, sweetie, and it always is good to get a gender therapist to help you understand what you are feeling. A great big hug from me to you.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann

[Avinia]

Hmm.. Weird.

Anyways, I am starting to seriously wonder if coming out will actually help with my social issues, today made me realize I actually very rarely participate in family stuff. Like my family decided to go hang out in town and trick or treat, but I decided to stay home with the excuse that I forgot to take a shower today and had school to catch up on.

Both of which, were in fact true. But the thing that really bothered me, was I was thinking about what I would wear, and suddenly felt very sad that I can't dress the way I really want to, since I am not out yet.

Then for coming out, I guess what is bothering me there, is the fact that I am probably going to lose a lot of the extended family I have started to grow close to these last few years(well actually, two of my cousins do know I am transsexual). Or I am at least expecting to lose them because of how I heard them talking, about this time last year, with pretty much the attitude that transsexuals are pedophiles.

[Julia-Madrid]

Avina, my dear, you've already told friends and cousins, and this kind of news is very leaky.  If you've already passed the point of going public about how you feel, you do kind-of owe it to yourself and your parents to talk to them.

I told my parents about me after I had tested the waters by telling my friends and colleagues.  And because they love me, they were indignant that they were the last to know.  They would have really wanted to be part of the process much earlier on.

From what you've written, it's not really clear about why you are procrastinating, but you are definitely doing so.  There are obviously better and worse moments to choose for coming out, but the key point is whether you are ready.

Some observations:  being transgender is really difficult for the meek.  Transition is going to take effort and strength of mind, purpose and personality.  You're going to get challenged by ignorant people, expecially if you are young and move in a young circle.  Apart from being strong enough to tell hostile and negative people to go jump, you will also need to gently but firmly educate people, like your cousins with their "pedophile" comment. 

In business, there is a concept called "analysis paralysis".  Oftentimes, experienced managers have to take a decision, even if they are not sure whether the one they're taking is the best one.  You see what I'm getting at...?

Hugs
Julia