I'm getting mixed signals

[Marcellow]

My mom surprised me last night and then screwed with my mind. I was getting ready to take my dog out and this conversation happened.

Me: Oh by the way, that support group is tomorrow.
Mom: Oh I'll go next time.
Me: What? I was referring to the FTM support group...but if you want to go to the parents one then by all means. *raises eyebrow*
Mom: Yeah not this week. Is it at the same place?
Me: Yes.

Okay... *takes dog out*

An hour later, I read something on Tumblr how it's apparently legal in 49 states to kill a transgender person and use the excuse "trans panic defense". Not caring if it was true or not, I decided to share with my mother who was writing Christmas cards to the family and wanted me to write one for my grandma with my birth name.

Me: *tells her about what I read on Tumblr*
Mom: Nah, that can't be true.
Me: It is apparently according to what I've read on the Internet.
Mom: *sighs* Well if it is, then you should probably stay how you are and just have your hair cut. You'll have a job, someone to love you and you'll have an easier time in the future. Not sure why people who choose to do this to themselves. There are others who remained fine.
Me: You must have not done any research since I didn't have a choice. Besides, I wouldn't live as long as you would think if I stayed like this. People have eventually transitioned after delaying it for a while otherwise they would go mad and possibly kill themselves.
Mom: *rolls eyes* Nah, they wouldn't kill themselves for that. I think you're reading to much retarded sh!t on the Internet, everyone lived peacefully without the Internet and now it's of regular use everyone all of a sudden has issues. You've never said anything before and no mention of it last year.
Me: *sighs, shaking my head and goes back to my room*

Considering you shut me down every time I tried to connect or everything I share turns into a lecture or invalidation of my feelings, I'm not surprised I haven't said anything. The joys of being transgender from a culture that doesn't get it. 

[Amato]

That's really sad, cause it seems like your mom either doesn't take the issue seriously or she's suffering from some pretty nasty denial. Probably both. As a cis person she doesn't have to think about trans issues unless someone brings it to her attention (and even if they do she still doesn't have to care). And to top that off, if she usually deals with you in a way that dismisses your feelings her behavior's probably not gonna change anytime soon. I can relate since my mom is the same way.

I'm sorry she's being this way. It's not fair to you at all. Maybe as time goes on she'll learn to accept reality.

[mrs izzy]

Master Marcellow,

As we talked you need to work on getting in your own life.

If your mom was serious there are many recourses on the net or here in the SO section.

Old saying you can lead a horse to water but can not make him drink.

One has to care to understand.

Hugs.
Izzy

[Adam (birkin)]

I don't really see the signals as mixed, actually. A lot of people are like "oh I'll go watch this documentary or go to this group" or whatever, and then say ignorant things. Because going to a group or something like that is them considering to try and understand something that they don't. Your mom, like most cisgender people, doesn't get it...and probably never will. But she's at the point where she is, with some hostility mind you, trying to get the concept. I can tell you right now that while my fights with my parents have ended, they still don't get it. They still refer to me as "she" and have to correct themselves at least once on a daily basis and it's really frigging annoying. But they've gotten to the point where they correct themselves for a few reasons. A) I look like a man and to refer to me as female would draw too much attention. B) As a female, I basically stopped functioning at a certain point. I mean really, my life STOPPED at 15, barring a few things like going through school and job placements. I stopped reaching life milestones, I was clearly mentally/emotionally unstable, I just was not a fully functioning adult, period. Once I was on T, especially for a length of time, I stabilized dramatically and life is now carrying on as it should. My parents see that and while they don't get it, it's enough for them to understand that this is a necessary process. And finally, C) they know they will lose me if they don't support my transition. I've made no bones about it, it's either get on board with it or GTFO.

It will take a while. My advice is just try and live the best life you can. Because the biggest factor of anything I mentioned above, for my family to "get it" was for them to see that transition actually made my life better. Before, I was unstable, as I said - they saw transition as something that would only "screw me up" further, and as a symptom of my instability, rather than as a cause. Once they realized that my life, my emotions, and my state of mind improved at least ten fold, they got that transsexualism was a thing. It's taken me a long time but I have accepted that they will never see me as a real man. And it's OK. I'm seen as male and stealth in all other aspects of my life, I can handle occasional painful moments with family.

I don't know if that sounds encouraging or discouraging. My intent isn't to discourage you from trying to find a common ground with your mother. It's definitely possible to do so, but the best way to do it is to just work on being the happiest and healthiest you can be above all else.

[Marcellow]

I see. Thanks guys, I just had to vent out alot. If anything, she's at least addressing it exists. My father on the other hand is an entirely different story.