My thoughts...

[Sparks]

I feel better reading alot of your posts about hesitation with either transitioning or processing your feelings about how you wish to express and present yourselves. It gives me a bit of peace to know that I am not the only one who feels like I do. I wanted to share my feelings a little bit in case I can help give that same peace to someone else or obtain some more insights.

I am a 30 years old genetic male, 6ft, 178lbs. I have been told that I have many very "handsome" features and I am very athletic and muscular due to long and frequent gym sessions.

I was always soft spoken and reserved growing up, getting along with the girls much easier and relating to them better than the boys. I first realized that I was disphoric about my gender when I was in high school and/or puberty set in and I forced myself to suppress it because I was both scared of how my conservative family would think if I expressed those feelings and fear of being more of an outcast. I never dated a female until I was 20 years old and actually ended up getting married at 22 and divorced at 24 in part because my partner turned out to be a very unstable and abusive person but also growing distance because of my feelings starting to surface inside and I didn't know how to process them aside from complete body shaving and experimenting with makeup in secret.

I moved back home to be closer to family and I started working out as a way to blow off steam and also to give some sort of cover and compensation. I went from 220lbs/22% body fat to 178/12% to paint a better picture. I allowed myself to explore both my sexuality and allowed my feelings about gender to be closer to the surface though I don't share them with many.

After several failed relationships and a growing difficulty in suppressing my feelings- my mind is very much that of of a woman, though my body is very masculine though a bit on the "pretty" side as far as vanity is concerned...I am at a crossroads as well. Should I consider transitioning? Is a balance between my masculine and feminine selves possible in the form of some sort of androgyny? Can I find a way to change how I workout and diet so as to de-masculinize my body and try to feminize my appearance somehow (Would love advice on that one...) I am not sure but I know that as I get older, the harder it is to ignore that putting on the front of a man is lying to myself. Any help or advice would be helpful.

[Wendywishes]

Well, since nobody else has chimed in, I'll give my two cents worth...

From the sounds of it, you can probably very successfully pull off the tall, androgynous male model look...your handsome features work both ways!  How many male models have we seen that are gorgeous as guys, and with a little bit of makeup look just as gorgeous as women?   (I'm thinking of course of people like Andrej (now Andreja) Pejic here).

It sounds to me that you are in a good position to "soften" up the edges and easily achieve this look.  Your height at 6 foot, especially if you are only 178 and carrying some muscle, is not a bad starting point.  If you just lift lighter and increase your cardio, you can probably get leaner with less muscle and drop 10-30 lbs, depending on how you look and feel.  A healthy weight (on average, based on BMI) for a male at 72" is somewhere between about 145-185 lbs.  Your goal shouldn't be skin and bones, but you can very likely look more soft and less muscular with a little effort.  As for diet, I am a fan of everything in moderation and controlling your overall daily calorie intake, instead of trying to micromanage everything you eat...but obviously try to minimize (not necessarily eliminate) the processed foods, sugars, flour and saturated fats.  If you are healthy now, then you already know what to do.

You can grow your hair out a bit...maybe a shoulder-length cut that would work both ways.   If you are comfortable, you can even start on the little things, like cleaning up your eyebrows, maybe pierce your ears (if you haven't already). You should be able to present as a tall, dark and handsome guy when you need to, and with a more feminine styling of your hair, a little makeup and clothes, you should be able to present just as convincingly as a tall, dark and gorgeous woman.

If this works for you, I can't think of a better position to be in...you can (hopefully) pass both ways and find what you are most comfortable with!

Good luck!

[Sparks]

Thank you very much for the advice and for responding!

[Sparks]

I do have my ears pierced but hair is tricky as it is receding a bit and thinner on top and becomes more apparent the longer I grow my hair out. That is one thing that causes me alot of stress as well.

[Wendywishes]

Just do a Google search for feminine hairstyles for thinning hair (or receding hairlines).  Many women deal with this as well, thus there is a ton of info out there.  You can do a Justin Bieber-type pixie haircut, or let it grow out and do a side part, or grow out the bangs with forward sweeping hair...I sure you can find lots of options that will fit your current situation.  You've just got to look for ways to accomplish your goals, instead of getting hung up on the obstacles!

[JoanneB]

I guess in a way I am living proof it is possible (at least for now) to find some sort of balance between the male and female aspects of myself. Sure, in a perfect world I would love to be able to present as female all the time. But my current situation precludes that. In fact, after 6 years of seriously taking on the trans beast focused on the goal of bringing those two aspects together to make one whole, healthy and happy person, I am kinda there. The good days are plenty. The bad days are far fewer and farther between. I am for the first time I am actually happy being in my own skin.

How to accomplish this feat is a personal matter beyond coming to grips that life needs to go on no matter what path you choose. You still need to be able to support yourself, just as you need to save every nickle for transitioning. You may want to find love. Have other hobbies or activities you find pleasure, perhaps even passionate about. There are likely many other things that define YOU beyond being trans. You cannot ignore any of these just as it is unhealthy to ignore being trans.

The Great Balance of the Universe Must Be Maintained

[Virginia]

Well, since nobody else has chimed in, I'll give my two cents worth...

From the sounds of it, you can probably very successfully pull off the tall, androgynous male model look...your handsome features work both ways!  How many male models have we seen that are gorgeous as guys, and with a little bit of makeup look just as gorgeous as women?   (I'm thinking of course of people like Andrej (now Andreja) Pejic here).

It sounds to me that you are in a good position to "soften" up the edges and easily achieve this look.  Your height at 6 foot, especially if you are only 178 and carrying some muscle, is not a bad starting point.  If you just lift lighter and increase your cardio, you can probably get leaner with less muscle and drop 10-30 lbs, depending on how you look and feel.  A healthy weight (on average, based on BMI) for a male at 72" is somewhere between about 145-185 lbs.  Your goal shouldn't be skin and bones, but you can very likely look more soft and less muscular with a little effort.  As for diet, I am a fan of everything in moderation and controlling your overall daily calorie intake, instead of trying to micromanage everything you eat...but obviously try to minimize (not necessarily eliminate) the processed foods, sugars, flour and saturated fats.  If you are healthy now, then you already know what to do.

You can grow your hair out a bit...maybe a shoulder-length cut that would work both ways.   If you are comfortable, you can even start on the little things, like cleaning up your eyebrows, maybe pierce your ears (if you haven't already). You should be able to present as a tall, dark and handsome guy when you need to, and with a more feminine styling of your hair, a little makeup and clothes, you should be able to present just as convincingly as a tall, dark and gorgeous woman.

If this works for you, I can't think of a better position to be in...you can (hopefully) pass both ways and find what you are most comfortable with!

Good luck!

Wow, did you nail it, Wendywishes. I am 5' 10" 146 pounds- what you describe is pretty much the middle ground my female alter and I agreed to. Yoga for exercise; shoulder length grunge ala Kurt Cobain; eyebrows like I had as a kid. I agreed to French pedi's but "no" to pierced ears. She wears clip-ons and agreed to let me keep my Van Dyke when I went through electrolysis. We are both content with the fine vellum hair that remained after a year or so on HRT. My female alter is only 13, doesn't mind going to the beach in a bikini without shaving her underarms or legs but the hair is important to my sense of male self. Her tiny breasts are important to her sense of self and they do not keep me from going without a shirt in the summer. It doesn't take but one or the other of us coming to the front for people to see me as a guy or her as a girl.