Thanks to all for the words of support.
The last week has been hard. We've both spent a lot of time talking, but my wife is struggling with the fact I can't tell her how far I want to go/explore my gender, because I'm still trying to figure that out myself. I was hoping that I would have longer to figure out some of these things before coming out to my wife, but that wasn't meant to be, so we're both wrestling with what we want right now, and how that might change over time. She has given some clear and quite tight boundaries, which I guess may or may not shift over time, and I think I can live within these for now, but I can't give her any promise that my feelings and need to explore my gender further won't push these boundaries in future.
As promised in my first post on this thread, below is the letter I wrote for my wife. I had the intention of reading it to her, but got so choked up, she had to read it for herself.
{partner's name},
I have and always will love both you and our amazing children with all my heart. But I have always believed that being open and truthful with those we love is crucial for that love to continue, even if that truth may be difficult to hear or understand.
It has taken many difficult days to write these words, because I want to explain in the best way, how I feel. It will raise questions in your mind, and I will be as truthful and honest in answering them as I can be, but there are also many questions for which even I do not yet have answers.
There is a part of me that I have hidden from the world and all those I love for my entire life. The effort and pain from doing this has grown over time and recently became too much to bare, and I realized I had to finally confront and accept who and what I am.
In September I started regular therapy sessions to help me understand my thoughts and feelings, and despite decades of self-denial, I have for the first time finally come to accept that I am transgendered; that my external appearance and behavior does not match with how I feel inside.
During this time I have battled with a desire to protect you from the pain and confusion that this knowledge would cause you, while also knowing that to continue hiding this would damage myself and also eventually our relationship and family.
Right now, I am standing at the start of a long road. I do not know how long it is, where it will take me, or what obstacles lie in my path. I am frightened, but I no longer have a choice not to start the journey.
As my partner in life, I trust and respect your intelligence and thoughtfulness. I understand that learning this about me will be very difficult to accept, and you will have many strong feelings and emotions. I hope you will take time and space to reflect, and I will be here to answer any questions you have. I know how difficult it can be dealing with such complex issues on your own. If you want or need to share and talk through your feelings with someone qualified, I can arrange some counseling sessions for you or us to attend.
I have no hopes or expectations on what the future might hold or look like for us and our family, but whatever your feelings, I will respect them.
Your loving partner,
{cis name}.
I'll plan to post further updates on this thread as the situation develops.
Megan.
