Ok, some clarification is in order for what was said as well as something that everyone should know and understand by now. My apologies in advance if any of my posts here or this one offended anyone.
Quote from: ftmax on October 27, 2014, 05:54:29 PM
I'd definitely wait a while, or not say anything at all. Without knowing particulars, my feeling is that there are very practical workarounds to your situation.
This would cut out the need to speak to anyone on the phone.
I don't think anyone meant to imply that people are allowed to disrespect you. What was meant is that there may not be legal options for you to pursue, so they can effectively treat you however they'd like to treat you.
My opinion, for what it's worth, is that being homeless is much worse than temporarily being disrespected. As much as I think we should all do our part to increase visibility and educate people, I do not believe it is worth it if it puts you in a potentially unsafe situation like being homeless would.
Going in reverse here,
yes, being homeless is far worse than not being homeless however, all I'd be doing if I waited is delaying the inevitable which is, coming out to them and seeing what they do from there, whether that be kicking me out or not the fact here is, if it's going to happen then putting it off won't change a thing except the circumstances of one's timing and if they feel they'll be ok or not and such. Atm, I feel like even if they kick me out, I'll somehow be ok where as if I wait, it may not be the case at that point. If I'm wrong then you better believe the last bit of my family who can help me in such a time, WILL be having that bridge burned.
Again, I see little point in waiting to come out if one's timing is good or they feel it's good and if they're trying to go full time everywhere because sooner or later, if & when you change your name legally, you'll still have to face them about the issue later on and for more info on this such as legal implications, read below. (In the other quotes below that is)If that was the case then I really am sorry but the way I saw it is how I called it and that's because of the above logic I just stated.
Except you'd still have to go back to male mode when maintenance or exterminator or some other person whose contracted with them comes to your house. Plus I'm not trying to eliminate seeing them or speaking to them at all, I'm trying to go full time and I do pass. (More below) Thank you for the ideas though, they're good ones for those wishing to be stealth & such.
Quote from: ImagineKate on October 27, 2014, 08:32:13 PM
I also think that you really don't have much of a legal leg to stand on until you get your documents changed. They're probably covering themselves as well.
Well, true but at the same time, if the EEOC can say sex discrimination for this sort of thing when it comes to a job then, I see no reason why that same logic cannot be applied to everything else. It may not be much but that IS a leg to stand on right there.
Quote from: Hanazono on October 27, 2014, 11:14:18 PM
Life is short
Choose your battles wisely
All the more reason I don't wish to wait on things that could be done right now vs. waiting, possibly making stuff worse.
I always do.
Quote from: Stephe on October 27, 2014, 11:27:03 PM
Sorry, there is no excuse. Getting a name change is a huge hassle for everyone who has done it. The name change part is simple, it's changing EVERYTHING else in your life to match it. And if you are "nearly full time", having an obviously male name is a huge hassle everywhere.
As far as the apartment and the staff, your paperwork with them all has the male name. You are asking for them all to remember that you use a different name than what's on the paperwork in front of them? I really think you are asking a lot for people who rarely interact with you to remember your "preferred name" is a different one from their paperwork?
Sorry, but you really are over reacting to this. It would be nice if they just called you by your preferred name, but if you are going to their office in guy mode, that would be equally weird.
It's why I tell people, if you are going to transition, you need to jump ship quickly. I spent way too much time in half time guy, half time woman land and it will make you insane.
That right there is projection, only I can say if it's an excuse or not because only I know all the circumstances involved here. (If you think I'd list all of them then you're wrong, there was still 1-3 I didn't list, for obvious reasons) Its because of it all that I can say it's not an excuse nor is it being lazy.
Timing is everything and whether we like it or not, we often times have to wait and put things on hold in life, even important things such as a name change. Rarely interact with me shouldn't be an excuse for them and yes I do see it as an excuse and here is why. At work, you interact with countless people, when it comes to the people you work with, some you see every day, others most days, some only once a week and others you will only see once in a blue moon. Even then your work is trying to uphold being respectful to you and has gone out of their way to try to do so, which is a good sign really but my point here is, even those once in a blue moon employees who you work with are expected to also uphold calling you by the correct gender, pronouns and name you wish to be called, the same goes for any new employee too! So if these people who you rarely see can uphold that respect and such, why can't everyone else in business relationships? Also, keep in mind, many jobs have you working with 15+ or even 30+ people so if they can spread the word and keep on it (With your help of course) then I see no reason why 10 or less people in the leasing office (Which includes everyone such as maintenance personnel) can't easily spread the word, make a note of it in my profile and so on. Since when is it ok for companies to disrespect their customers anyway huh?
I pass as female and have been presenting as female the whole time UNLESS I use my male voice! (As that gives me away) Also, see the below for the rest here.
Well you may certainly tell people that but, you have to realize everyone is different, everyone has their own speed for which they transition and of course, not everyone can just in a snap of the fingers go from one gender to another just like that. Transition takes time and it involves a lot of variables for how quickly one can transition such as if where you live is a safe place for transitioning or not, how much money you make or have and so much more. Thus, transition is like the butterfly or even the cicada, you shed off bits and pieces of your old self to become a better more happier person whose gender is aliened correctly. It simply takes time and I doubt there's many people if at any that can by pass the whole shedding off bits at a time part of the transitioning process.Quote from: Missy~rmdlm on October 28, 2014, 05:27:27 AM
1. Changing your name will indeed roll out through existing systems, women change their names all the time for marriage.
4. In Missouri a county's family court handles name changes, divorces etc.
1. That's only if YOU inform each and every single one of the people involved yourself, maybe some places do otherwise but for where I live, that sadly isn't the case. They may also require you to send in proof and such which further drains money and time.
4. I will try searching online for family courts now that I have a name, hopefully this will yield some results, thank you.
Quote from: ImagineKate on October 28, 2014, 10:51:24 AM
The rest I have to agree with the others, it's not an excuse. I'm really sorry to pile it on, but #4 especially seems like just plain laziness. I could understand years ago when we did not have the internet and all we had was the yellow pages, but today everything is online and lots of transgender websites and LGBT organizations will have guides on their websites. Some will even help you do it. Some may even provide financial assistance so that takes care of #3. So what are you waiting for?
See the above, it's not an excuse or laziness by any means. Also, I have DONE the research online, I keep running into lots of places "claiming" to be able to change your name legally and there are TONS of scams online, not just in the real world, so, hard to find info on it when you can't trust said info you searched for. That's why I needed a court's name, now I have a hopeful lead and am hoping to find something legit. As for these sites that are from LGBT etc., care to post any ones with those types of references you said they have? It'd certainly help speed up finding a legit place to change my name legally.
Quote from: Rainbow Brite on October 28, 2014, 01:36:04 PM
Plus, your LEGAL NAME is what's used for their tax records. Don't like it? buy your own house, move out or get your name changed. They are a business, not a buddy, not a therapist. you pay them for a roof over your head. Until that name is legally changed, expect to be frustrated and pissed off. A lot. And going to their office in guy mode and asking to be called... I dont know.. Sandra, is just not going to help your case. So quit flying off your broomstick until you get your ducks in a row. Get that name change.
And trust me, from experience, being homeless is NOT fun at all so be happy you have a place to live!
I honestly don't care in that case. It's not like that hasn't been happening and it's not like I intend to still have this name come next year's taxes. For the rest of what you said and my response to them, you can see the above since it contains all I'd have said here. Though for the guy mode thing, I'll repeat this
I pass as female and have been presenting as female the whole time UNLESS I use my male voice! (As that gives me away) Also, see the above first bolded text you see for the rest here on this part.
Timing is everything and like wise stuff prevents me from doing so, not like I named everything preventing me from doing so. (For obvious reasons)
See the above for the whole thing on being kicked out and when to/not to wait on coming out to them.
