I have been noticing some astounding psychological changes in myself ever since discovering and accepting that I'm FTM. (Accepting is a key word, there.)
I've found it easier to chat with strangers (like cashiers) because my social anxiety has lowered somewhat. In general, I've been laughing and smiling a lot more than I ever used to--I notice this in my photos. The way I talk and express myself is different, and it feels more free and open. In the past I sometimes felt like I was acting when I said anything, or forcing myself to speak a certain way, and it was such a strange, unnatural feeling. I wasn't even acting at being cisfemale, I was just something other than me.
And my outlook on life? Oh wow. Life has meaning again. I care about putting effort into things and making myself feel good every day. I care about my creative projects. I can't even begin to describe this feeling to you in its entirety. It's like being an innocent kid again, or being on Zoloft. Who would have thought that finally figuring out your identity was such a good anti-depressant, huh?
I HOPE I've finally figured it out. This can't be fake or temporary. I can't recall ever feeling like this before. I tried to remember.
There have also been changes in my sex drive, which I already talked about awhile ago...
So, how about you? For those of you who spent many years in denial, was the realization itself enough to knock you into a new mental space?
