Am I trans?

[Edge]

Ok. Let me rephrase that so it's spelled out for people who like to make assumptions about people they never met. I know some cis people who went through a prolonged period of time where they worried they might be a different gender culminating in coming onto sites like this (although not necessarily this one), laying everything on the table including at least one person who mentioned something about it to his parents. They eventually came to the conclusion that they are, in fact, cis.
You want to go to these people and tell them that they're wrong about themselves and/or that their experiences were just "idle questioning in the moment?" Sorry, but that's pretty darn hypocritical and rude.

[Brenda E]

Calm down, Edge.  There are obviously exceptions to the general rule, but exceptions don't invalidate generalities (and nor do they insult those who are the exceptions).  Cis people rarely come here asking whether they're trans; gender is so fundamentally ingrained in the minds of cis people that it's not even on their radar, ever.  Their gender is just a non-issue.  Questioning gender is just one of many signs that one might be trans.  Definitive?  Of course not.  Indicative?  Absolutely.  Not really in a mood to argue about this, so we'll have to agree to disagree.

[ameliato]

Whether you're trans or not is only for you to decide.  Many people here have given great advice and suggestions. Making sense of their ideas and your own ideas about what and who you are is only a conclusion you can come to. The acceptance of being trans should never define your individuality. Coming to a website like this one is a big step and as I found personally after years of semi lurking from time to time and eventually joining meant something to me and helped me make my own personal conclusions.

I concluded that I need to seek therapy, as others have suggested, this is probably the best step you can take in sorting out the adventure/mess that lies ahead for you.

Best wishes in your endeavors and good luck.

Whoever and whatever you are, making the choice to speak here took a lot of strength and courage. Applaud your self for at least making the step to speak to others who may or may not share your dilemma.

Best Regards,

Amelia

[Mara]

I just had 2/3 a bottle of wine. Yes, I am transgender. I really don't want to admit it because I don't want to deal with it. I feel disgusting and like this has completely ruined my life. I have nothing to look forward to.

I will be 25 soon, so I feel like there is not much hope for me. It is too late to effectively transition. I know some people can do it at 25 or even later, but my body and face are too definitively masculine to pull it off.

Also, I'm sorry if this is the case, but I still feel like this might just be something I made up in my mind for whatever reason. It doesn't feel real. Like, how could God and nature mess up so bad?

[Brenda E]

Mara, honey . . . well, first of all, congratulations and a giant hug!

You have everything to look forward to!  It might seem like the end of the world, but I promise - genuinely promise - that life will begin to get better.  You'll have your ups and downs (and plenty of downs, but the ups are so awesome that it's sooo worth it), and we're all here to help in any way we possibly can.

Many of us still wonder whether this is just in our heads, that we've made it all up and we're being misled by our feelings.  It's good to be uncertain at times; it makes us really think about who we are and whether we're making the right choices.  I was only last week talking to my therapist about whether I was just a crazy person pretending to be trans.  (Answer - no, and it's a very common doubt.)

Even if you're still unsure, give yourself permission to experiment a little.  Assume that you are trans and go from there.  Grow out your hair.  Change your style.  Start playing with makeup and clothing.  Talk to a therapist.  Nobody - I mean nobody - will ever have to find out, and you can see whether those kinds of things bring you some relief.  It's not as if you have to tell the whole world tomorrow morning that you're trans.  You have so much time to get things ready behind the scenes, so much time to practice and figure out in your mind that you truly are transgender, and there's no rush to do anything.  But please, do something - don't bottle this up any longer.

You haven't ruined your life.  You've figured out what's wrong, you've found the solution, and you have everything going for you right now.  You're young enough that there's no reason to believe that you won't be utterly successful in this, and in a few years you'll be an absolutely normal-looking young woman living the absolutely normal life you want to live.

I'm excited for you.  You should be too.  It's absolutely scary and confusing, but soon it'll feel normal in such a good way.

Another massive hug - you deserve it.  Now go finish the last of the wine and smile! 

[♥︎ SarahD ♥︎]

I just had 2/3 a bottle of wine. Yes, I am transgender. I really don't want to admit it because I don't want to deal with it. I feel disgusting and like this has completely ruined my life. I have nothing to look forward to.

I will be 25 soon, so I feel like there is not much hope for me. It is too late to effectively transition. I know some people can do it at 25 or even later, but my body and face are too definitively masculine to pull it off.

Also, I'm sorry if this is the case, but I still feel like this might just be something I made up in my mind for whatever reason. It doesn't feel real. Like, how could God and nature mess up so bad?

Ah, In vino veritas ("in wine [there is the] truth") - I know that one all too well!

Sweetie, first of all as others have said, 25 is really not "too late".  I'm 28 myself and I'm still very hopeful that my transition will go well.  There's those here who have transitioned in their 60's or older and have turned out fine.  Sure, it's true that transitioning during your teens makes life easier, but transitioning older is certainly not a game-breaker.  Plus (what I've realised) - there's plenty of cis-women who look fairly masculine and they get on just fine.  Plus - who the hell told you that you have to be able to pass to be transgendered?  Whoever it was should be shot lmao! ♥︎

You may feel that you are "too masculine", but I've watched HRT do wonderful things.  Surgery is also pretty amazing these days too.  You mention your dislike of surgery as a reason not to be transgender, but frankly hun that's bollox.  I'm scared of surgery too, and only plan to have as little as possible done (preferably none at all if I can get away with it).  Your feelings towards surgery etc has absolutely diddly squat to do with your gender.

Your gender is how your brain is wired to process information about the world.  This is rigged up during your development as a foetus in your mother's womb.  If you have an intolerance to testosterone, or your mother doesn't give you enough of it at the right point, your brain will develop as female (we all start off female anyway, so that's the "default" setting if you like to think of it that way).  That's how "nature can get it so wrong", and it's been shown that trans* folk - when put into MRI scanners - really do display brain activity more a-typical of the gender opposite to their sex (i.e. MtF trans* folk for example really do think much more like girls than they do guys).  You could ask how "nature got it so wrong" with any disability - what about people with downs syndrome?  or autism? or siamese twins? or intersex conditions? or dwarfism?  (note - not to imply any of these conditions make people "wrong", I'm just using the OP's phrasing to make the point ♥︎).

Hunni, go see a gender specialist.  They'll be able to help you work through these thoughts and feelings and find your truth.  Even if that truth turns out to be that you were a cis-gendered person who got confused somehow (although that's not really how it works but still lol ), then at least you would have given it serious exploration.

Hope I've helped ♥︎

[Ariel Renée]

Girl i understand the pros and cons...both the sides of the coin....but in the end i close my eyes and ask myself "If i could open my eyes and my gender be whichever i wanted with repercussions and like it was always that...which would i choose"  and 100% i would become a woman...that's how i know i am trans and i need transition.  Once i did that the box opened, and every day i am more and more convinced i am a woman...and my body will match...someday...

[♥︎ SarahD ♥︎]

djdiva - I did a very similar though experiment. I imagined that I was offered a Matrix-style choice. Blue pill,  I become 100% male, everyone knows and remembers me being male, I lose all my feminine traits and have them replaced with male ones etc. Red pill, I become female, loose all my masculine traits and have them replaced with feminine ones, everyone remembers me as having always been female and treats me accordingly. Whichever one I pick, that's me for the rest of my life. Which would I chose?

My answer was the red pill. My feminine side is way more valuable to me than my (very small) masculine side

Another way to think about it: if you had the choice when you die for everyone to remember you as male or female, and whichever one you choose replaces any memories / records etc of you having ever been anything else, which would you chose? Again, I'd choose female x

[Madison Bennett]

Hunni, go see a gender specialist.  They'll be able to help you work through these thoughts and feelings and find your truth.  Even if that truth turns out to be that you were a cis-gendered person who got confused somehow (although that's not really how it works but still lol ), then at least you would have given it serious exploration.

I second this.  Going to a therapist has helped me gain a lot of insight.

[Jess42]

I just had 2/3 a bottle of wine. Yes, I am transgender. I really don't want to admit it because I don't want to deal with it. I feel disgusting and like this has completely ruined my life. I have nothing to look forward to.

I will be 25 soon, so I feel like there is not much hope for me. It is too late to effectively transition. I know some people can do it at 25 or even later, but my body and face are too definitively masculine to pull it off.

Also, I'm sorry if this is the case, but I still feel like this might just be something I made up in my mind for whatever reason. It doesn't feel real. Like, how could God and nature mess up so bad?

Hon, 2/3 of a bottle of wine, especially the weak stuff, ain't nothing. 20% or more of the homemade variety then that is something. Believe me, it hasn't ruinded your life. Why disgusted? We are all some, no, we are the smartest and most caring people I have ever had the pleasure of coming across. OK so it may be a little ofputting at first like, "OMG! This ain't normal. OMFG I ain't normal. OMG I am a freak." But no, you are not a freak. There is nothing to be disgusted about. Diversity is good, right? Well we are part of that diversity. To be completely honest with you Mara. I think I may be completely disgusted if I thought I was Cis. Being trans is more normal than you may think. You have plenty to look forward to. Ihad to come to terms with this early on without the hlp of a therapist, just the library, psychology books that were way above my level of shooling and a few friends one of which was a transguy and the other LGBs.

25? Jesus De Christo! There is a lot of hope there is always hope. OMG. I'm 47 so should I lay down and give up? Too masculine? HRT will do wonders and really who cares? Who you are inisde is important. the outside is just a shell. Your esscence is who you are inside. So who cares if anyone thinks you effiminate gay? There is nothing worng with that. Who you are is you and screw anyone that tries to destroy that in yourself.

I hate to tell you but I seriously doubt it is something you made up in your mind. You really need a gender therapist though. I wish I could have had one when I was young but this has been with me from first memories. I had to learn on my own.

OK Mara. I am going to put it bluntly. There are far worst things than being transgender. We don't eat babies, we aren't usually serial rapists, we are not child molesters, we are just normal people that want normal lives. Seek a gender therapist. But being transgender isn't the end of the world. Hell it might just be the beginning. But this sight is just a little testimate of the diversity of being trans and should give you insight of just how normal we are. Being trans ins't the end of the world. To me it was the beginning.

[Brenda E]

We don't eat babies . . .

Ooops.

[Gaël]

If you don't mind, I would like to reply some of your thoughts according to my own perspective:

I just had 2/3 a bottle of wine. Yes, I am transgender. I really don't want to admit it because I don't want to deal with it. I feel disgusting and like this has completely ruined my life. I have nothing to look forward to.

Believe me, lady - you have a whole life ahead, and maybe that is the main issue. I mean, life can be scary -specially if you're trans. But the fact is, if you let fear stops you from looking ahead, you're never going anywhere.
So take a deep breath, and think. Be true to yourself, plan your future and stick to that plan. When things get too hard, take a deep breath, rest a little and go back to fight. Things get better, you'll see.

I will be 25 soon, so I feel like there is not much hope for me. It is too late to effectively transition. I know some people can do it at 25 or even later, but my body and face are too definitively masculine to pull it off.

Sometimes I feel just like you in this matter. Could it be and early middle age crisis, perhaps? (We young people and our killer impatience, lol.) Some people start transition at an old age; others in the beginning of life. Don't push yourself regard age - you do things when you're ready to do so.
Now, regard your masculine traits, there is a lot that can be done - surgeries and hormones can make true miracles. I know women who had tons of muscles before transitioning and reached a feminine look so well done that usually pass without any problem. Ok, it takes time, but it's possible.

Also, I'm sorry if this is the case, but I still feel like this might just be something I made up in my mind for whatever reason. It doesn't feel real. Like, how could God and nature mess up so bad?

This is anger talking. You may be a mess mentally and emotionally, but it happens to everyone. People get messed up by all sorts of reasons. Just don't take people as a mistake - not even yourself.   

[Luna Star]

I just had 2/3 a bottle of wine. Yes, I am transgender. I really don't want to admit it because I don't want to deal with it. I feel disgusting and like this has completely ruined my life. I have nothing to look forward to.

I will be 25 soon, so I feel like there is not much hope for me. It is too late to effectively transition. I know some people can do it at 25 or even later, but my body and face are too definitively masculine to pull it off.

Also, I'm sorry if this is the case, but I still feel like this might just be something I made up in my mind for whatever reason. It doesn't feel real. Like, how could God and nature mess up so bad?

I was about to type out how I related to your reasons a lot myself and how your non arguments were basicly all excuses, you never know for example how you will look. Saying you will look ugly is as much of a thing you won't know as saying you will look like a supermodel. That being said...


I will tell you my responses,

"I just had 2/3 a bottle of wine. Yes, I am transgender. I really don't want to admit it because I don't want to deal with it. I feel disgusting and like this has completely ruined my life. I have nothing to look forward to."

Accepting can be a really lengthy and difficult process it was for me at least. Try to see why you feel disgusted by this, and how would this actually ruin your life ? It is a hard thing to grasp but give it time and be open minded and think rationally and know there is a whole spectrum you could be in.  And most of all what helped for me is to stop seeing labels but instead what it means. It means you are a girl, a girl which might sound weird now because you've always been told that you are male. But if you feel you are then you are. Your body doesn't matter in that aspect


for the second thing you said, same as I said with the supermodel thing. You don't know really and that is just an excuse . Nobody knows till you actually tried. It's true it gets harder the older you get but would you rather take chances now or take chances in the future where your chances are even lower and you will have to put up being a guy every day in and out.


as for the last thing, that is also acceptance for you... it feels unreal because society tells you what you are 24/7. Now the challenge comes to feel what you FEEL like what you are instead of what society tells you what you are. Give it all a bit time .



Also if you want to talk a bit personally or want to know about my story a bit or just feel you need some support don't be afraid to send me a pm. I'll gladly answer you. Since I know how hard it can be.


Good luck on your road to self discovery!

[Jess42]

Ooops.

Depends unless you are a vegan, veal is fine. I should have mentioned "we don't eat human babies".