singing sadnesss

[Orangaline]

So im an artist, a vocalist and i play piano and guitar both electric and acoustic and today singing was pretty hard for me.


i go back through some of my songs and im starting to hate them. "too girly, you called yourself a girl again," sll that good stuff and it made me really sad.

im so afraid that my mussic is too feminine, because i write music to cope, (and to be effing awesome of course!) so its alot of "my achey breaky heart" goin on XD im worried about what is gonna happen when i transition, if i do..

its actually pretty funny because i consider my voice a little deep for a girls to begin with, so yeah funny funny that i feel so uncomfortab le.

i have one song so far that girly that i like still, because its meaning has changed to me. its called tinted rose and before it was about showing your true talent, and now its encourging me to just be myself, and i feel like it almost explains being trapped in this body, about me hiding that im trans, all under the cover of a song.

i actually wanted to share one of my songs here though, its called monsters. im wearing my makeshift binder in it, and i cringed at the end, when it looks like im not even wearing one at all, i just look like a small chested woman, not even. it sucks....

but anyways, heres the song, i hope im not breaking any rules i just though yall would enjoy it..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zu6CDZyUqGc&list=UUlca2Lnd0f3Ru1HaYhHfuJw

[LoriLorenz]

Hey O,

Sorry about the busted open finger, OUCH!

I love your voice. You have a really awesome timbre. Are you going through T now or not yet? I think your post-T voice will be amazing!

The song is really cool too, though I gotta say.... Tune up whea a little?

I'm a singer too, but I wish I had your range instead of mine. I am a bonified first soprano for singing....

[Orangaline]

Hey O,

Sorry about the busted open finger, OUCH!

I love your voice. You have a really awesome timbre. Are you going through T now or not yet? I think your post-T voice will be amazing!

The song is really cool too, though I gotta say.... Tune up whea a little?

I'm a singer too, but I wish I had your range instead of mine. I am a bonified first soprano for singing....

lol i knew it was coming, and i know i know i need to tune er........... thanks for the compliments on my voice, and no im pre-t, planning on being out, like WAY out for six months before i do anything, because they would make me wait six months anyways.... whats timbre? sorry if that sounds ignorant.

[LoriLorenz]

Timbre is the tone of voice you have. Yours is nice and mellow, but has a cool rasp underneath. Mine (I've been told) sounds like a flute. 

[Orangaline]

Timbre is the tone of voice you have. Yours is nice and mellow, but has a cool rasp underneath. Mine (I've been told) sounds like a flute. 

i can get all fluetey too, i have a wide range i just choose to stay down in the alto1 alto 2 range because thats where i feel comfortable.

[Orangaline]

i can get all fluetey too, i have a wide range i just choose to stay down in the alto1 alto 2 range because thats where i feel comfortable.

i think a bit of both really, im not really out yet so i can get away with it, im just afraid that i sound to feminine, that i dont sound the way i want to be...


but then again i dont want to be morgan freeman either XD but i feel like thats where im headed:P

[Orangaline]

Yeah that's true,
Not sounding the way you want to is a good thing to bring up with your therapist
You'd be a very rich (and entertained) person if you could sound like Morgan Freeman xD
Not sure if Morgan Freeman is good at singing though, not sure if he has even sung in a film before thinking about it lol o.O

hahah yeah, "all about that basss" to a whole new levelXD

[LoriLorenz]

hahah yeah, "all about that basss" to a whole new levelXD

LOL! Indeed AAAAAL about that bass. Can you hear him even reciting that song....

Cray-ZY

But O, your voice is real nice, and (IMO) doesn't sound overtly feminine in your singing voice at least. I will be curious to hear the after-T version!

[Contravene]

I don't think your lyrics are too feminine at all, I really like them. A band that comes to mind is Stone Sour. A lot of their songs, like "Bother" for example, are really emotional. Even the themes of some of their songs may seem feminine. Their song "Say You'll Haunt Me" is about the lead singer and his wife's feelings for each other and he's basically asking his wife for them to stay together forever even after death. Everyone regards these guys as a pretty heavy band and I doubt their masculinity would ever come into question just because of their emotional lyrics. I think it's all about how you carry and present yourself to others. Guys use music to cope too.

[Orangaline]

im totally gonna go check them out now, thanks for that tho, i needed it, major confidence booster:)

[adrian]

Hey there
I can't listen to the song right now because I'm using Susan's on the phone, but I'm very curious, so I'll check it out later.

I personally try not to gender lyrics in my mind, because ultimately I don't believe that "things" like songs, make-up, clothes should be gendered feminine or masculine (yet my body is definitely too feminine for me, go figure :-P). There are awesome "male" performances of songs originally by female singers, and they take on a whole new dimension and meaning for me when performed by a guy - and vice versa, of course.

We are all different in this respect, but personally I don't feel that my past "me" and the ways I expressed it have become invalid or less valuable just because I realized I am trans. I added a new facet to my identity (and retired some others). Maybe there is a chance that once you feel you have settled in your "new role" (for lack of a better expression, it's much more than that, of course), you will see the songs you wrote when in "feminine mode" as "documents" of your past that express an important part of your identity that is no longer "there," but that's still important and valuable. So unless you wish to erase that history (which is what you may choose to do!), I'd say wait and see how the meaning of the songs changes to you as you move along.

Sorry, I hope I'm not sounding too confused and unclear (I may need more coffee, and English isn't my first language).

Rock on

[Orangaline]

Hey there
I can't listen to the song right now because I'm using Susan's on the phone, but I'm very curious, so I'll check it out later.

I personally try not to gender lyrics in my mind, because ultimately I don't believe that "things" like songs, make-up, clothes should be gendered feminine or masculine (yet my body is definitely too feminine for me, go figure :-P). There are awesome "male" performances of songs originally by female singers, and they take on a whole new dimension and meaning for me when performed by a guy - and vice versa, of course.

We are all different in this respect, but personally I don't feel that my past "me" and the ways I expressed it have become invalid or less valuable just because I realized I am trans. I added a new facet to my identity (and retired some others). Maybe there is a chance that once you feel you have settled in your "new role" (for lack of a better expression, it's much more than that, of course), you will see the songs you wrote when in "feminine mode" as "documents" of your past that express an important part of your identity that is no longer "there," but that's still important and valuable. So unless you wish to erase that history (which is what you may choose to do!), I'd say wait and see how the meaning of the songs changes to you as you move along.

Sorry, I hope I'm not sounding too confused and unclear (I may need more coffee, and English isn't my first language).

Rock on

im sorry, pardon my french, but


THAT WAS ->-bleeped-<-ING AWESOME.

that is a brrilliant way of looking  at things!

[adrian]

Ha, thanks for saying that. Made me smile 

im sorry, pardon my french, but


THAT WAS ->-bleeped-<-ING AWESOME.

that is a brrilliant way of looking  at things!