Really tough day...Need Help

[MelissaAnn]

I'm sitting here right now shaking and in tears. I wound up going to the emergency room today because my wheelchair is broken and then trying to use a walker and I felt a very sharp pain in my back after x-rays than a CAT scan. The doctor came back to tell me that I have blown out five more discs in my back will which of course means more surgery that I don't want and to make things even worse. I spoke to my youngest son tonight who is supposed to be coming over tomorrow for visitation and he informed me that he didn't want to come. He told me he felt uncomfortable. Now I don't present female, yet and everything that I do to help make myself feel more feminine,. I don't do while he's here because I'm not out to him yet. What bothers me the most about this is, I came out to my ex-wife at the end of September. Since then I have only seen my son once since then, something always seems to come up on the weekends that he supposed to come. It really makes me wonder how much she is working on him. I'm really disappointed in her and I'm not sure what I'm going to do at this point I'm sure if I wasn't in so much pain. I'd be a little bit more levelheaded about this, but I'm open to any suggestions or advice anybody else has out there. I'm holding on right now I'm just very hurt.

[Ms Grace]

Sorry to hear your bad news, hon. I don't know how much they'll help but here is a big virtual HUG for you! In regards to your back I can't suggest anything but with your son, once things have settled down with your back you should probably have a talk with your ex wife. Hope you feel better soon!

[Athena]

Hugs

I know it is hard advice to accept but try to take care of yourself, get yourself feeling better so you can approach what is going on with your son with a clear and open mind. Right now you need to focus on you.

[Rachel]

Hugs Melissa,

As others said, take care of you health issue (sorry you are in so much pain) then address the ex wife issue. It sounds like she is trying to change your son's perceptions but you never know; things are busy on weekends.

[MelissaAnn]

Thank you very much. All great advice. I am taking care of myself right now everything is about the pain and I'm feeling and I refuse to take pain medication because of my addiction problems with pain medication, so I will take a muscle relaxer and hopefully get a halfway decent nights sleep and figure out how to deal with my ex-wife.

Much love to all.

Melissa Ann

[gabimoneratt]

I'm  seriously so sorry wish I could help somehow...
In regards to your son, wait a bit, give him some time... You may try to spare him from seeing his "father" as a woman but your ex may have told him all sorts of things that made his head a chaos... Try having a talk with her and a talk with your son as well(depending on how old he is) because it's not fair that she's potentially making him turn against you. But I think even her might need some healing time, it's still too soon for everyone... So when u do talk to her try to, instead of being confrontational, to hear her side of the story, ask her how she's feeling,  she's probably feeling betrayed, lied to, and a good talk could certainly help... Maybe she just needs you to understand the chaos she was put in right now and you might need to better explain your feelings and needs ... She's not being the nicest and you could make it a battlefield, but it's not healthy for you both and for the son. A wholehearted talk can move mountains
As for your health, I'm super sorry this happened to you, recovering from surgeries isn't fun
You are a strong woman, take pride on that challenges are only given to people who are able to get past them. You're only getting stronger.
Send you tons of hugs, hope you recover fast and it'll all become past

[Jessica Merriman]

Oh Melissa first 

I do now how you feel both physically and mentally right now. I was injured in the line of duty and broke my back in three places. It has taken a few years, but I am close to recovering as much as possible. It seems with me as well as soon as I lick one problem with it another presents and it is back to square one. So I know exactly how you feel right now. It hurts and seems like the sun will never shine again. I totally get that. I know about children as well. Today is the first birthday I have had where my daughter did not call me to wish a happy one. I sat by the phone all day just waiting, but it never came. She is being misdirected by my ex as well and told horrible lies about me. I may never see her again and it hurts more than any physical injury I have ever had. Why am I telling you my tale of woe? It is because through determination and with friends I am getting through it all. I hope you truly believe you have the same support here and you will get through this as well. Come to us as often as you need to for a warm, solid shoulder, OK? We may be able to help or not, but there will be people thinking about you either way. Please believe that and the fact you will prevail some day. PM me instantly when things get bad and I will do what I can even if it is just to listen. Take care girl and hold onto hope!   

[MelissaAnn]

Oh Melissa first 

I do now how you feel both physically and mentally right now. I was injured in the line of duty and broke my back in three places. It has taken a few years, but I am close to recovering as much as possible. It seems with me as well as soon as I lick one problem with it another presents and it is back to square one. So I know exactly how you feel right now. It hurts and seems like the sun will never shine again. I totally get that. I know about children as well. Today is the first birthday I have had where my daughter did not call me to wish a happy one. I sat by the phone all day just waiting, but it never came. She is being misdirected by my ex as well and told horrible lies about me. I may never see her again and it hurts more than any physical injury I have ever had. Why am I telling you my tale of woe? It is because through determination and with friends I am getting through it all. I hope you truly believe you have the same support here and you will get through this as well. Come to us as often as you need to for a warm, solid shoulder, OK? We may be able to help or not, but there will be people thinking about you either way. Please believe that and the fact you will prevail some day. PM me instantly when things get bad and I will do what I can even if it is just to listen. Take care girl and hold onto hope!   

Thank you very much. Jessica, maybe I get the wrong impression here. I do have the strength to carry on and I am going to carry on. There's no doubt about that in my mind. I am a strong, confident woman. It's just with the physical pain. The emotional stuff seems to get to me quicker. The only thing that threw me here. Was it turns out it was just a little bit more than a momentary lapse for me. I'm just over a month on HRT and these emotions just overwhelmed me so fast I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from on this one. I want to call it a momentary lapse of reason, just a sudden rush of emotions that I felt the need to get out tomorrow morning when I'm feeling better. I'll figure out a way to turn around the damage my ex-wife is doing with my son. I really was hoping after a 4 1/2 page letter into extremely long emails to her. She understood how I felt. I have been very clear to her that this is going to happen. It's going to happen on my timeframe, not on hers. Accept it or not, she is not to keep my sons from me. The question is how I am going to do that. Anyway, I'm getting off topic.

Much love,

Melissa Ann

[RosieD]

Fair play to you for coping with the pain without using painkillers. My housemate (nee wife) has similar long term skeletal pain problems so I understand the urge to avoid the numbing agents.

Anyhow, when dealing with unhelpful people the only strategy that I have found to work is to pretty much ignore their input and carry on being me. So where your ex-partner may (or may not) be trying to effect the relationship between your son and yourself I would tend to ignore it and concentrate on enjoying time with your kiddies.

Rosie