Well, I just need to write something off me. But I don't even really know what. I couldn't sleep yesterday. I would have to get up at 5ish am to get to the hospital in time, get checked up and eventually hormones later on the day. I was nervous, couldn't sleep at all. When I finally did fall asleep at 2ish am some mosquito buzzed me back to full awake mode. You can guess, I overslept. Yup I put an alarm, multiple. Couldn't ask anyone to wake me either because it was so freaking early and I had to get up first. I know it is my own fault completely, but that doesn't makes it all any less frustrating.
In the Netherlands it often takes quite a bit and I called them hearing she wasn't sure if I would still be able to get hormones before the end of the year. It isn't like I would want to end it because even if I would have to wait another two a three months.. it is still in range. Just.. I just coped looking forward to this day for months and honestly don't feel like anything now. If I could drop dead this moment and wake back up when the next appointment is, I would fully sign up for that. I really don't know how to deal with this. I am angry, at a family member who didn't wake me up although she was already awake (not knowing I wasn't though), at the hospital for having me wait another two months most likely (which I will hear later today, not sure yet but I will expect the worst) and at many small things. Which I know is unfair, because it is my own fault. I just really don't know how to deal with this. I feel nothing but pain at the moment and yup.. don't know what to do to cope with it..
