Social transition

[ChelseaAnn]

So my wife and I sat down yesterday and had a serious talk about where things are going. We are waiting to have another kid before I go on hrt, but my wife has reasons to wait to get pregnant. However, she understands my needs, so we came to a mutual decision: I will be doing a social transition until our second child is almost due.
So, being that, I have a variety of questions for people who have done a social transition without hrt.
First, what do you tell your job, or how would you present at a job interview? I am planning on looking for a new job closer to when I transition, but it would be great to know how everyone else handled their job situations (keeping job or going for interviews).
Second, do you need to be in therapy to socially transition, or just have a diagnosis? Neither of these are a problem for me, but again, good to know. Mostly just curious as to what others have done. (I live in Pennsylvania if it applies to anyone).
Third, bathrooms. I assume having some sort of therapy would help with this, to have a therapist back you up. In the city I work and live in, there is protection against transgender discrimination, but what applies when you are only doing it socially without hrt?
Finally, name change. Is it legal to get your name changed without being in therapy? I know in Pennsylvania, you need a year of RLE and a note from a therapist to change the gender marker, but could I change my name if I'm going full time? And in addition, does full time before therapy count towards RLE? I would figure it doesn't because the therapist obviously can't keep track of you.

Any additional help would be appreciated in regards to this subject. Also, what sort of supplies did you need, besides breastforms, makeup, etc.?

[LordKAT]

In regard to the name change, you need nothing but the desire to change your name. There is no other requirement, other than not changing it to escape debt or commit fraud.

The bathroom issue will depend more on your presentation and may need a carry letter to back you up in a work situation.

[Ms Grace]

I can't answer most of your questions - personally I was horrified when my therapist even hinted that I might do RLE with HRT. That's not to say you can't, just that wasn't my preference by a long shot. I don't think you'd need to be in therapy to socially transition, although it would be a useful support none-the-less. Good luck!

[ChelseaAnn]

Grace, I'm assuming you meant without HRT?

[Jennygirl]

1) jobs

Knowing a bit more about the kind of job might help with getting a detailed recommendation here. There are just so many situational factors depending on the line of work.

2) therapy y/n for social transition

Everyone is going to have different beliefs on this, because it is entirely up to you to decide the best way to make the social transition happen. This will depend on your level of drive to get what you want at the pace that fits your family best. If you are the planning type, it might be good to work out a set of hypotheticals with different sets of actions. A good gender specific therapist can help inspire you to do this. If you've done your research, you have your central support structure already in place, and you're confident about all of this, maybe a regular therapy session will be less important. But, it cannot hurt to go to one and see how you feel as you move forward. As well, I think therapists can be good mediators for families, helping to build trust and support between people. A good one will help manage stressors and keep everyone on track while lightening the support burden from your wife alone.

I started with a gender therapist, and I'm glad I did. I quickly tapered my sessions with her because things went well, but it was nice to have the support. She gave me several pieces of advice, and helped me make sense of certain things that I needed to hear from someone's mouth. Susan's is a great place, but we can't provide quite everything that a face-to-face talk can

[FrancisAnn]

Not many wives are so understanding. Good luck.

[suzifrommd]

For my job, I had to work with them, since I needed to change my name and documentation. I could have socially transitioned without a therapist. In fact I was going out periodically as a female before I started with my therapists.

Bathrooms were easy. I just walked in, did my stuff, and walked out. No one ever gave me a hard time. I had a carry letter (which a lawyer told me was useless but which made me feel better), but I never had the slightest trouble.

[ChelseaAnn]

Thanks for all the replies. More are still appreciated.

As for my current job, we have one single person female bathroom. I work on night shift, and the only other female is my boss. Also, I do have anti discrimination laws in effect in the city I work in (confirmed by local LGBT organization). Not to mention the other person who runs my machine on day shift will be retiring soon. I think I'd be ok with my job, but a lot of the guys in the plant are very old school. One even jokes to another about  "wearing his wife's dresses, and that's only because the second wears a necklace with his wedding ring on it. But, he's an idiot anyway, and there are very few people I'm thinking are going to care. They might talk behind my back, but I imagine that happens regardless.

[suzifrommd]

Thanks for all the replies. More are still appreciated.

As for my current job, we have one single person female bathroom. I work on night shift, and the only other female is my boss. Also, I do have anti discrimination laws in effect in the city I work in (confirmed by local LGBT organization). Not to mention the other person who runs my machine on day shift will be retiring soon. I think I'd be ok with my job, but a lot of the guys in the plant are very old school. One even jokes to another about  "wearing his wife's dresses, and that's only because the second wears a necklace with his wedding ring on it. But, he's an idiot anyway, and there are very few people I'm thinking are going to care. They might talk behind my back, but I imagine that happens regardless.

Even people who are old school can be educated. You can practice some sound bites:
* We don't choose to be transgender. It's something we're born with.
* Gender identity is serious. It's hard on a person to live as the opposite gender.
* Everyone deserves respect. Using correct name and pronouns is a matter of respect.

Might not stop them from harassing you (though that would be illegal and grounds for a lawsuit if you complained about it and it didn't stop), but they'll understand you better.

[ChelseaAnn]

Has anyone had issues with changing their name pre-HRT? I don't necessarily mean getting it changed. But after. Like, any places giving trouble.
For example, if I would change my name and go into the bank to make a deposit, and they know me (aka can recognize who I was as male). I have a name now which could go either way (my SO's aunt actually has the same name, just a different spelling. But I guess it'd be easier to walk in to a place as female with a female name, right?

[LilDevilOfPrada]

I am just going to suggest you also freeze a little bit of extra sperm because you never know if another child is enough!1

[Alexis2107]

So my wife and I sat down yesterday and had a serious talk about where things are going. We are waiting to have another kid before I go on hrt, but my wife has reasons to wait to get pregnant. However, she understands my needs, so we came to a mutual decision: I will be doing a social transition until our second child is almost due.
So, being that, I have a variety of questions for people who have done a social transition without hrt.
First, what do you tell your job, or how would you present at a job interview? I am planning on looking for a new job closer to when I transition, but it would be great to know how everyone else handled their job situations (keeping job or going for interviews).
Second, do you need to be in therapy to socially transition, or just have a diagnosis? Neither of these are a problem for me, but again, good to know. Mostly just curious as to what others have done. (I live in Pennsylvania if it applies to anyone).
Third, bathrooms. I assume having some sort of therapy would help with this, to have a therapist back you up. In the city I work and live in, there is protection against transgender discrimination, but what applies when you are only doing it socially without hrt?
Finally, name change. Is it legal to get your name changed without being in therapy? I know in Pennsylvania, you need a year of RLE and a note from a therapist to change the gender marker, but could I change my name if I'm going full time? And in addition, does full time before therapy count towards RLE? I would figure it doesn't because the therapist obviously can't keep track of you.

Any additional help would be appreciated in regards to this subject. Also, what sort of supplies did you need, besides breastforms, makeup, etc.?

Hey sweetie, in PA (and else where for that matter) you don't need HRT to consider yourself trans gender.  It would be a HIPPA violation, I believe, to require you to produce some type of documentation to 'prove' you're transgender because not everyone can take HRT, even for health reasons.  Don't quote me, I'm no lawyer, but know little about how HIPPA works. 

However, there's a PennDOT form you'll need to get (just google it) and take to your therapist or health provider to have them sign off that you have gender dysphoria and you can get your gender marker switched from M to F, if you want.  Name change just requires a criminal back ground check of past 5 years of all the counties you've lived in, news paper ad, etc... there's info online about this too.

Take care and hope it all works out for you