Today I took our bed apart .....

[April Lee]

..... And a week from tonight will be my last night in this house. It is all winding down.

I think I became a woman to learn how to cry. ABBA nailed it in this song. I know exactly what it is like to walk through an empty house with tears in my eye. I am doing it tonight.








"Knowing Me, Knowing You" - ABBA

No more carefree laughter
Silence ever after
Walking through an empty house, tears in my eyes
Here is where the story ends, this is goodbye

Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
We just have to face it, this time we're through
(This time we're through, this time we're through
This time we're through, we're really through)
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
(I have to go this time
I have to go, this time I know)
Knowing me, knowing you
It's the best I can do

Mem'ries (mem'ries), good days (good days), bad days (bad days)
They'll be (they'll be), with me (with me) always (always)
In these old familiar rooms children would play
Now there's only emptiness, nothing to say

Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
We just have to face it, this time we're through
(This time we're through, this time we're through
This time we're through, we're really through)
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
(I have to go this time
I have to go, this time I know)
Knowing me, knowing you
It's the best I can do

[Jill F]

Big hugs.  Way big.

[Cindy]

Hugs Honey

[Leila]

Big hugs April.

what a price we pay to be ourselves!

It is the price demanded from society.

[mrs izzy]

It's hard to loose one life to live.

Hugs

[Christine167]

I am both sorry and happy for you.

Sorry that you have to go through this part. An empty house still has so many memories and yet reminds you of loss.
Happy that you get to start a new life in a new place. So much to gain.

And I am also proud of you. I know it takes strength to close that chapter of your life and move on.

[Brenda E]

My thoughts are with you, April.  You'll get through this.

[April Lee]

Thank you everybody so much for the kind words! It's funny; but over my lifetime there have been only a very few songs that have really resonated in my heart, but this has been one of them. I remember very distinctly hearing "Knowing Me, Knowing You" for the first time. I was driving in my car to a job I had, when it came on the radio. I was in my early 20s and in college. I immediately thought it was the saddest song I had ever heard.  As I listened to those words, they brought chills to my soul and deeply moved me. I also felt incredible empathy for the female point of view in this song of a loving relationship ending. But I understand now why it so pulled me in. It took almost 40 years to realize it was about my life; it was a song of destiny. And it is a very sad song indeed.

[April Lee]

I have another thought. I know I shouldn't keep posting to my own thread without responding to somebody else, but I have been up most of the night and I am exhausted. So I am struggling to get my thoughts into a single post.

I was thinking about the Benjamin standards, and how they seem to demand of everybody who goes down this path, the willingness to pay a very heavy price. The gatekeepers are supposed to hold us up, until we can confirm that.

Well, have I paid the price now? Have I demonstrated that I am really serious about this? Did I pass the test?

It sure feels like it right now. At least the tears all over my keyboard are saying that to me.

[cathyrains]

What a price you and your wife had to pay for your freedom. I am truly sorry for both of you.

[Eva Marie]

April-

I am sorry that your old life is coming to an end in such a tangible way. I too went through this process, and there are some very hard moments like going through and boxing up her old stuff she left behind to send away (that all has memories attached to it), or stumbling across something sentimental later on and reflecting on the times that you had together before you made decisions that led you to where you are today. It's a damn tough thing to get through, and tears will be shed.

But time heals wounds, and there are better times ahead for you once you do what must be done. Yes, there may be regrets that never go away but in the end you can't have it all - sacrifice has to be made to move forward to the place you need to get to. Just remember that you are doing what must be done for you to survive.

Hang in there sister 

[angie]

I'm so sorry I know exactly how you feel my wife left not too long ago even though I'm staying in the house for a while it still feels really empty everyday I come home expecting to see her and she's not there hang in there from what I'm told it'll get better

[Jessica Merriman]

April AND Angie, I know from personal experience what you are going through and how tough the next few months will be. The only ray of sunshine I can give you is personal experience that things WILL get better. I promise with all my heart. Hang in their and never hesitate to come here for support. Even though I am not physically with you, I AM there beside you.

[ImagineKate]

**HUGS***

[ImagineKate]

what a price we pay to be ourselves!

This, absolutely 100000% this.