I cant put on this act anymore

[franie]

 I stated HRT 23 years ago. It was several years before I stated wearing feminine cloths at home then I ventured  out a few times I was even addressed as Mamm. Then one summer I realized that I could no longer just pull on a tee shirt. Three years ago I lost 80 lbs.  My breasts we're very noticeable  36H bra  my waist  35in. hips 45in. I would get stares when I wasn't wearing a bra, no one seemed to notice when I was (am) wearing one. I was being seen as  female even when wearing male clothing.  I have made the transition very slowly ,which has been much less traumatic  on my family and friends. 

[BreezyB]

I don't know if I want to do it "all of a sudden" but I don't want people to think I am a "gay man." Nothing against gay people but that is not the identity I am after. Yes I may be "gay" married to my cis wife but it wasn't my intention to transition to being a gay man.

I agree, I'm not a gay man, and didn't aim to present that way, but I think the way society says a woman looks like this, or a man looks like this, they often see a feminine looking man as being gay. Not ideal, but whilst I hadn't come out to those at work it was easier that the truth lol

[Lostkitten]

Harsh reality though is that people who already know you, and are not very open minded (and how big of a shame it is, the very open minded people is limited), they will always see you as the old you. Even if they address you correctly, they will still see the old you.

At one point I noticed that in my private zone so to speak, people would see me as who I always have been. Their son, brother, friend, male classmate. While on the streets, stores or wherever, people would address me with ma'am. I looked exactly the same but the first impression is what counts and usually sticks. With the people you know you can slowly adjust their impression and hope that they will respect you enough for them to change it eventually, while then everywhere else you can already live your life as you. With the same looks at both situations.

[Alysinspace]

wow i am honestly blown away with everyones help and concern thank you all : ) i think im going to take it slow as everyone here suggested i was thinking of starting small maybe doing my hair and maybe wearing little bows and such then move up open up to the co worker who im closest with and possibly get my nails done for thanksgiving and keep going from there slowly but surely : ) i know people who already know me will look at me differently but it will be so satisfying going out and getting gendered correctly and my co worker may be able to help me out in the work situation and the big transition to full time. im planning on spreading it over the course of a few months slowly get more feminine as time goes on slowly build my wardrobe etc i shouldnt just shotgun money on a complete overhaul all at once if things go my way and well im hoping by my birthday in feb i can make the switch. but if it takes longer it takes longer it is what it is i guess.

[LilDevilOfPrada]

wow i am honestly blown away with everyones help and concern thank you all : ) i think im going to take it slow as everyone here suggested i was thinking of starting small maybe doing my hair and maybe wearing little bows and such then move up open up to the co worker who im closest with and possibly get my nails done for thanksgiving and keep going from there slowly but surely : ) i know people who already know me will look at me differently but it will be so satisfying going out and getting gendered correctly and my co worker may be able to help me out in the work situation and the big transition to full time. im planning on spreading it over the course of a few months slowly get more feminine as time goes on slowly build my wardrobe etc i shouldnt just shotgun money on a complete overhaul all at once if things go my way and well im hoping by my birthday in feb i can make the switch. but if it takes longer it takes longer it is what it is i guess.

Well I found that letting your hair grow(Mid and low hold ponytails can be neutral gender and professional for work) and grooming your eye brows is a easy way to start without setting off alarms. If you slowly neaten your eyebrows into a feminine look it wont be so obvious to others and if you want to get your nails done may I suggest grow them then just have them male manicured for now. I find that nails in particular lead to awkward situations if they are to pretty as humans instinctively look at hand gestures during communication.

In terms of clothing you can honestly start wearing womens jeans and shirts from today if you like just be careful on how they hold your butt and curves.

Another random ramble by me but this advice is legit so take it to heart.

[BreezyB]

I would agree, there are many subtle touches that make a difference without setting off massive alarm bells. Four and a half months on HRT and about the same into transition and I thought about time I started pushing the envelope a little more. So ears are getting pierced tonight, just small studs, yay!

But the female jeans work a treat and in fact I wear female androgynous clothes on casual Friday and no one has said a thing. People are too polite to say anything I think. And besides I sit there chatting to the girls at work about hair and why we don't have any females in leadership roles.... I mean really, I think it's a little obvious but hey, it's been a gradual change over four months, another four and I'll be in a skirt at work I think 

[Alysinspace]

Today i went out with my brother with just foundation and mascara and a cute outfit and scarf and no one said anything i dunno something jist clicked today and i did it : ) it went well

[Alysinspace]

thank you all so much i decided im going to add things on little by little : ) seems like the best community choice : )

[Releca]

That's what were here for is support for ourselves and those going through the same trials and tribulations as everyone else here in trying to find our own place in life so anytime you have a question or concerns just ask. I've been helped on multiple situations here and I've even seen the mods here asking as well. None of us are perfect and struggle in our own way.

[katrinaw]

I think, and am in a similar position that its baby steps at first, I am going to set up a close support group of good lateral headed people, Initially a Girlfriend of many years (not romantically linked  ), a female fully transgendered friend, and a guy that I have known for many years... way before I consider having the heart to heart with any of those closest to me... work will become a problem as I consult in IT on a contract basis... however after many years of I will, think about and just carry on in the closet I have decided I must set up a plan of action... but there will, in my case be some collateral fall out, there mostly is.

So my thoughts set up a close support group of mixed close friends and family if they are aware so you can plan and test.

Like others I am desperate to be a full time woman... the real me... On HRT now (last 10 to 12 years... lost track), but will also start facial hair reduction, leaving voice etc. until its public knowledge.

Good luck 

Love Katy

[katiej]

I'm a little late to the discussion here, but I'll add my two cents.  I think it makes sense to be full-time in your personal life, but to delay making the switch at work.  You can take time to adjust your female presentation and get used to the role without the financial/career implications.

It's better to delay 6-12 months and be successful in your transition.  You've already waited this long, right?

[Alysinspace]

right now i feel as if im presenting mostly andro now to start hopefully by the time feb hits my lazer will be done enough and my hair will be loads longer

[Foxglove]

I never understood why people make one big swap one day when they decide they feel brave enough for it. It surely is brave and I do admire it, but if you take it slowly with steps, isn't it a lot easier for everyone to get used to it? Also you yourself.

Kirey, it's what works for you.  Some people suggested that I should take things bit by bit, present as androgynous for a while.  But I wasn't into that at all.  The androgynous look isn't for me.  For me, it's all or nothing.

I finally got to the bursting point.  Simply couldn't take it any more.  So I jumped in at the deep end.

Now I work from home, so I didn't have a boss to worry about.  Also what I did, instead of just suddenly appearing in town in my new persona, was to go around to people I knew well, that I dealt with all the time, to give them advance notice of what I was going to do.  I got acceptance and support from every one of them, so I simply did it.  Went the whole hog all at once.

It worked for me, and I've never had cause to regret it.  Everybody looks at their own situation and their own needs, tries to find their own solution and hopes for the best.  No matter how you do it, it's a roll of the dice and the stakes are high.  Not for the faint-hearted. I'm glad I won't have to do that again.