Oh, I'm sorry to hear about your circumstances. There are many of us who suffered through that kind of fear in our lives.
Things should get better because you are at a point where you are going to be the one controlling your life. You'll be able to look around for friendlier people who will help you and accept you as you are.
There is a section here for Female to Male people. They might have some good advice to get you started. There are a lot of other people here too and I'm sure you will find yourself being comfortable in no time at all. I think it will help you to be here because you won't have to hide who you are. That should help take some of the stress off of you.
I hope things get better for you soon.
Hugs,
Rebis