New to here, and to coming out. So I guess I'll practice coming out here! xD

[accidentallyhipster]

Hey Everyone,

I'm a long time and I finally made an account 

Let's see..
I've been struggling with admitting I was even trans to myself since I was a kid. I've been in therapy for about a year, and started hormones just a couple days ago (10 November 2014). I'm relived that I'm actually "doing something about it" (take that anxiety! ) but still rather terrified of coming out to most of my family.

I'm hoping to learn more, and have a place to share where I don't feel scared to be honest. Looking forward to talking with you lovely people =D

-Erin

[MelissaAnn]

Hi Erin,

A big warm welcome to Susan's Place. There are many beautiful people that have gone through or are going through the same feelings and emotions you are. There is a vast array of information and some great resources on this site. Everything is at your finger tips, so pull up a chair, relax and let your fingers do the walking. It great to welcome another sister to our family. I hope to see you around the forums. I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey and may the Angels always look upon you and help guide you on your path.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann

[accidentallyhipster]

Hi Melissa Ann,
Thank you for the welcome
I have already learned so much here, but I thought it was time to make my own profile to ask more questions.
Thank you again!
-Erin

[MelissaAnn]

Don't be shy, grab a cup of tea and dig in...!

[Devlyn]

Hi Erin, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm the resident Bostonian. I love a good lurker tale, how long have you been hanging around? You might be eligible for the coveted Longest Lurker prize! See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[accidentallyhipster]

@Melissa, I shall try. Thank you again

@Devlyn, haha honestly I'm not sure. I think I stumbled upon this place couple of years ago. I had a couple of waves of trying to convince myself I was a little crazy and ran the other direction. Short hair, beard; that whole thing. But as I'm actually on HRT now, there is no more flip-flopping and I figured joining was in order xD

[Tessa James]

Welcome aboard Erin.  This place can feel like family and, as you know, has archives of resources and newbies every day.  I wore a beard most of my adult life.  It is a fairly effective disguise but not real helpful for transition or coming out.  Susan's Place has allowed many of us to share our deepest and most troubling concerns with people who have been there before and conquered their terrors.
Glad to see that you are a student, that's a hopeful sign and tells me you are preparing for a better future.  Keep going strong girl:D

[accidentallyhipster]

Hi Tessa,
I have to say I've been on many forums (not trans related though) and this defiantly feels the most welcoming so far. So if that continues I can see what you mean how it feels like family.

I love school - I would love to do grad school. But that's honestly just because I feel safer on campus than I do in "the real world."

As to the beard comment, I was talking with my girlfriend earlier today or yesterday or something, and she was looking at pictures of me when I was younger (with the beard, and short hair and things) and she said it seems weird since she thinks of me as a girl. As you said it works for hiding well, but not for coming out. Hopefully without getting too emotional in my introduction post, I have to say it's still hard to look in the mirror and see Erin. I still see the boy with the beard most days. Maybe it's cliché, but to quote Laura Jane Grace, "In her dysphoria's affection, she still saw her mother'’s son."

Anyway, I'm here to make things better; so to life and things! 

-Erin

[Tessa James]

Way excellent that your girlfriend already thinks of you as a girl.  Guess you must be leaving clues?  Mirrors have been lying to people for years.  Who we see is not always who we are.  I felt on the right path when I too started seeing more of my mom than my dad in the reflection.  Congratulations on starting HRT, a really major step and one likely to be filled with drama and change.  So cool that you love school.  I have been a college trustee for the last four years and we clearly see that students engaged in the campus community do far better than those who commute in and out.  Does your college have an LGBTQ club or diversity committee or is the atmosphere part of feeling safe for you?

[accidentallyhipster]

Tessa,

I will admit I am suuuuppper blessed that she sees me that way. She's actually my best friend, and was one of the first people that I came out to that accepted me right away. So she's known that I'm trans for about 2 years, while we only started dating about a month ago. I go into more detail about how I was crushing on her long before that, but as she's sitting next to me I don't want to start the blush factory xD

I know it's kind of dumb, but I wanted to start HRT before I joined here. I dunno why, but I waited for some reason..

Now that I'm almost done and in super-senior classes I love it, but liking school is a fairly new thing sadly. While we do have a LGBT group on campus, they are very "high-school clique-y" so I've sort of created my own group in my friends. The older I get, the fewer "hero-normal" friends I seem to have (But I am totally fine with that).

You brought up feeling safe, that is a problem at the moment. I need a job and I haven't worked at any place that I've felt really safe to be out. Now that I started HRT and will look different next week than I will in 6 months or a year, I really need to find a place that is trans friendly. I almost hate to ask here, but does anyone know of any trans-friendly companies in the greater Saint Louis area?

Thanks again everyone

[Tessa James]

Take a look at some magazines like The Advocate and you will find considerable numbers of big corporations touting their positive LGBT climates and status.  The St Louis metro area is huge and your potential is really unlimited IMO.  Polish that resume and hit the launch button Hon

[accidentallyhipster]

I shall check out "The Advocate" I didn't know about that one, thank you!
You must be a mind reader; I've been working on my Resume and Cover Letters all day