Quote from: MirnaMinkoff on December 19, 2014, 12:06:41 PM
Glad to help. Out of curiosity tend contracting lyme disease end up spurring you to transition? Meaning you had been considering it but after getting ill and the changes it caused, it motivated you to go ahead? Do you think you would have decided to transition if you had never gotten lyme disease?
Also, non-permanent hair color can be found in every hair color section of a drug store - you just have to look closely at the box info. 85% are permanent color and they say so on the box, but if you look closely you will also see boxes that say non-permanent color. I like non-permanent for experimenting.
Youtube is an awesome place for anyone to get make-up tips. Women do great videos but so do drag queens - they are the masters as contouring and hiding certain features. (Even straight csi women will tell you drag queens are make-up freaking ninjas, but you can tone down their results easily by adjusting colors and amounts. Drag queens are usually doing stage make-up so it's more extreme in many respects, but the good contour tips and camouflaging advice is still very sound.)
I will also say, because transwomen may or may not know this, you can go to any department store make-up counter or Sephora for a free make-over anytime. They will have their trained staff work with you on the best make-up for your face and skin type and they usually do an excellent job. Now they do this because they want to sell you product, but it's not a requirement - the make over is free and you can buy some of the stuff they use if you like but it's not a requirement. (But usually you find one or two awesome things you love on yourself and end up buying, and this is why free make-overs are offered at every make up counter, they do increase sales and introduce you to new products.) It's a great way to find out what works best for you and get some professional advice, with out having to spend a small fortune testing out different make up.
If I had never gotten Lymes disease I may have not decided to transition. My Dads side of the family drilled it into me when I was little about what gender specific activities I should and should not do. Put the fear of god into me if I played with girly things. I am still not totally decided on transition, lots of fears and questions. I am 90% sure I should at least partially transition. I pretty much feel like arguing with my hormone balance now is a losing battle. I could repeat the heavy regiment of body building exercise and nutrition as well as take testosterone and supplements to rebuild to how I was in my 20s. That seems like a waste and I was so angry and aggressive back then. I just want to be me now, not some fake "man" persona and body I built up to please those around me.
I always knew that I was different than the other guys but I worked out extra hard and focus on other things so I stopped thinking about it. I pushed any girly thoughts way back in my mind and banished them, I manned up. I never got chest hair or hardly any leg hair and face hair. I still always had my long hair, maybe that alone helped me not feel dysphoria for so long . A few years after getting Lymes I kinda took a look at my life and health and I was actually hiding my body, ashamed.

For a while I just looked real sick, like death had a grip on me. I finally got my health managed, except some occasional Lymes flair ups and I started working out and trying to eat better. I don't have the strength or energy like I had when I was younger and the Lymes causes other neurological impairments. I am positive it caused a hormonal imbalance in me, and that I am probably already predisposition to react to female hormones. I will be getting checked for intersex conditions when I see the specialist. I found that even tho I was getting healthy again that I had to hide my body because it was now all girly curves. Hard to stand like a tough man when most of that bulk faded away. People started noticing, asking why I stood / walked /sat like a girl. Strangers thinking I am a girl, saying ma'am or Ms. When I had a goatee , people doing a double take... maybe looking at me like I was a freak.
Now I need to convince the therapist that a low dose of E will help me physically and mentally. That I am not crazy and I understand completely what is happening in my body and what needs to be done to fix it. My body is changing, but also I have hot flashes and mood swings, like when females are not getting enough E. This is all kind of complex and not the typical Transgender story that I read and hear about. My body is changing and my female mind is reawakening. I don't think I will fight her, she is strong! And I like it.

Love,
Jade