I am Sheila Grace. I am an older (64 years) MtF early in transition. Fortunately, I am younger acting and appearing, and am looking so forward to the journey. I live in Texas and have been married for many years. My SO is at a point where she accepts who and what I am, but she is hoping that it is a "passing phase". It's not. I remember wearing lipstick and rouge for a dance recital at age 5. It was just the best feeling! I always felt jealous of girls for being able to do all the things that I privately loved. I felt something was amiss growing up in a very conservative town and family. I put all my energy into studies and sports and dated infrequently. I went on to a military academy and was able to repress any "feminine tendencies" with macho, alpha male activities. I was a paratrooper and lived like there was no tomorrow. I wanted little time to think after I got out and went to medical school, then married and was a practicing physician for many years. At some point, while no one was home, I tried on a chiffon dress that belonged to my wife. I think back to that feeling; I was "home". It just fit and I knew that there was something deeper than just wearing the dress. I found a place in Houston that did make-overs and had several wonderful experiences, albeit brief. Then I began to buy my own clothes and make-up and hid them from my family. Finally, I told my wife, and she was accepting, but was terribly afraid that our children and/or others would find out. I cross dressed for years, episodically thinking it was a "weakness" and throwing things away (in dumpsters 2 blocks over!); only, to start again soon after. I went through a period where I thought I might be gay, but soon realized that was not the deal. It is odd that it took me going to a batchelor party at a "gentleman's club" to finally figure it out. I loved watching the women; how they walked and moved with such fluidity. When I thought about it later, I realized that what I was really wanting was to BE one of those women. It was a revelation and an awakening that has not been tempered. I am now retired and dress most nights. My wife is accepting, but ambivalent. I asked her to go for "Trans-Week" in Provincetown, Mass, but she said that it was "too soon". I have told my daughters about being transgendered and have bought "Transformed Lives" for them both and my wife. It is going very slowly and I am really doubtful that I can be accepted for who and what I am. In the meantime, I have found a makeup artist who has helped me with that, bought some tasteful clothes, and have "snuck out" several times to have lunch or coffee with supportive acquaintances. I am independently building a support group, have a wonderful therapist, a nutritionist, and a trainer who knows about my plans. I finished a long period of training to get to a low body fat (5%), in order to start HRT. I will do that next year. My plans are to undergo FFS and after 6 months- 1year as FT, to have SRS. Those are my intentions. We will see how they unfold. However, I am past the point of grappling over whether this is "right or wrong". It is ME and I know that; I also know with all of my being that to NOT transition is not an option. It is a soul calling and I risk losing much more than family and friends if I do not follow my heart!!!!! Bless all of you on this board, for your willingness to grow and share. You are a lifeline for me. Love and hugs, Sheila Grace
