Hi all,
I am brand new. I am 27 with a great career, identify publicly as a gay man, love my partner, but I am no longer able to accept the male identity.
I have done pretty extensive research on the MTF transition. I see myself undergoing HRT and maybe some facial esthetics but not necessarily bottom surgery and maybe never legally changing my gender for professional and personal reasons.
I hope hormone therapy will help me feel more comfortable in my body. I hope to one day pass as a woman when I want, go out with girlfriends, etc, but honestly I am fairly comfortable being my gender queer self at work (I am pretty femme and don't mind playing that up for my own happiness at work but may not confront things like pronouns head on at first ).
So here's the thing: I have a partner I am very attracted to and we have been together for over 3 years. I don't want that to end. We own property together, share debt, and most importantly are genuinely attracted to each other. He does care about me/love me I think, but he is so anti-femme/trans (his own demons/self-loathing I suspect) that I know if I tell him I am starting HRT he will leave me without trying to understand.
I feel strongly that I can start my journey and still be in this relationship, but only if I don't share the details of my HRT. I am going to see a therapist that specializes in trans issues and plan on asking for a referral to an endo. I am comfortable telling him I am seeing a therapist due to identity issues, but not comfortable telling him I am starting HRT.
The jist is: I need to take a plunge, but I need to ease him into it.
Random info: sexually, he is not interested in my penis. I am totally passive so if HRT effects my sexual function he would not be affected.
I feel as though my physical form is something he can be very attracted to even several years into HRT (possibly more attracted if my waist thins and my hips grow), so why say something when I know that will constitute the end of our relationship?
Eager for your thoughts, though.
