I do actually want to tell people but never seem to be able to. The thing is I should of said something when I was very little and than this would never have happened. I would have been able to go to a doctor than on blockers than estrogen and this well would all be better!
I regret it very much. No one back than would know basically except mom, dad and my sister basically plus the doctor. Now it's a bunch of people and hard to explain to them and most of all my nephew so ya those are just a few of the things in my way. Soo many other things to. It's regrets I have over this so ya. Plus my body is all screwed up like chest hair, facial hair, wrong bone structure, thinning hair which is coming back little by little with my vitamin treatments but it's those as an example. Im angry about this and other things revolving around it right now.
About the filth, Im no saint nor squeaky clean but I know where it's acceptable and where not. I still got all my dice cd's for example and still listen to him a bit once in awhile but all these guys Ive been around are like clueless to the time and place thing. It's like guys just think because I still like dice, I want to hear it everywhere all the time and that I wont be offended. I do get offended by it like the other days. This is where guys think he's a guy, he likes dice so hey he will relate to us and be fine with it. It's like if Im not in the privacy of my home, the car with my ipod or if I was not on stage, Id rather not be hearing filth like that. A dirty joke, okay as my mom has said a dirty joke or 2 before but not to the extent these guys like that were around her recently do. It's a way way much deeper than what Ive written here and has nothing to do with a filthy mouth. It's complicated but I have not a good relationship with guys much of the time and this would take more than a few posts to explain.
Ill give ya an example or actually 2 very similar. One was with my recent friend, now an exfriend was with me at target say 4 months ago. We were there and the girl checking what I was buying had no nametag. I asked her her name and she told me say Jamie so I said back hi jamie. I had to hear from my friend how he said your not gonna get her into bed being a nice guy. I was thinking you are such a pig and told him not everything is about sex.
That samething happened a year and half ago. I was at work and this girl came in so I was talking to her while helping her with some delivery of boxes. We complained about guys for a few minutes. I talked about this online later that night just to see what guys said. One guy said if you talk them like that, they will think your one of their girlfriends. So what if she is my friend. I had to hear from this guy how this wont pick up any girls anytime soon. I told him not everything is about picking girls up and said if I was a girl you would be the last guy Id want to be with or around. He never knew I was trans. I than sat back as the girls go at him and few other guys being just like him. Im sitting there thinking I know how the girls feel about this. Hence I relate to girls way more than guys ever.
I know not all guys are jerks but I havent seen many good ones either.
