my life

[gloriaviny]

Well, where do I start, at about 9 or 10 I became friends with boy that had 2 older sisters, that must have been working, because I never saw them, we weren't his house and I asked to see his sisters bedrooms, when I went in i couldn't believe it, and out of devilment, to this day I don't know why, I said can i try their clothes on, when said of course, It was great, not realising then, how my life was going to go, but I stayed friends with him for one reason, which any body can understand, as time moved on I had another friend, at 12/13 that I told about really enjoying girls clothes, which he seemed to know what I was thinking, then his conversation turned to what was then known as homosexuality, and he wanted to find out what it was, well with his parents knowing mine, he blackmailed me by saying he would tell his mom about me, and my father was not a understanding, quote homaphobic man I gave in, well as you can imagine, it wasn't a pleasurable or enjoyable experience at all, time moves on, and I started work at a factory, and there was a guy there that seemed interested in me, quite a bit older than my 15 years, one lunch time, I happened to say, when a girl went passed, that's a lovely dress she has, and he looked at me, and do you like girls clothes, well, of course I said yes,,,getting upset so I'll finish another time xx

[Jo-is-amazing]

Hi Gloria welcome to Susan's <3
If you're story is too hard for you to share you don't have to
And besides from what you've already told you sound like an immensely courageous woman
Have fun and explore, and you'll find friends and compassion in spades
Hugs
Xoxo

[Ms Grace]

Hey Gloria

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

Thanks for sharing your story. It's always difficult having to deal with other people's prejudices.

Please check out the following links for site rules, helpful tips and other info...

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Cheers

Grace

[Gina Taylor]

Hi Gloria and welcome to Susan's! 

[gloriaviny]

thank you all, I will finish, because it does take a upturn thank you all again xx

[MelissaAnn]

Hi Gloria,

The big warm welcome to Susan's Place. It's always nice to welcome another sister to the ranks of our family. There are many beautiful people here that are either going through have gone through the same feelings and emotions you are.Take your time sweetie when you are ready. Feel free to share anything and everything you would like. This is a very welcoming and supportive community. There is a vast array of information in some great resources available here. Everything is right at your fingertips, so pull up a chair, relax and let your fingers do the walking. I do so hope to see you around the forums. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your journey in me the Angels always look upon you and help guide you on your path.

Much love,

Melissa Ann

[mrs izzy]

Welcome Gloria to Susan's family.

We all tell our stories that hold many parallels.

It's from our inside feelings needing to try and understand.

Hope you have a therapist that will be helping walk this path if it's truly one you must walk.

Hugs, settle in and looking forward to your posts.

[Devlyn]

Hi Gloria, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm the resident Bostonian. Share your story only if you're comfortable,  but know that you'll find friends who understand listening when you do. See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[gloriaviny]

you are all so lovely, that has got me upset a bit as well,,but a happy way, I'll try and say some more of my story, well, when Ray (thats what I'll call him)asked me if I liked girls clothes, and I answered yes, he asked me if I wanted to show him at his house, well after some thought, I agreed, but not having a girls wardrobe to myself, or at 15 not having the money to build one, I had kept,,,I'm sorry some underwear I had stolen off the friend earlier, which I kept at the bottom of my own wardrobe, funnily, my mom found them once, and asked me where they'd come from, the only answer I gave her was I'd found them,,I didn't realise it then, but her answer was don't let your father see them, so she must have empathised with me, and never mentioned them again, so I told Ray I'd only got a small ammount, which was underwear, his answer surprised me, and said stand up, which I did, I'll get you a dress, so on the Friday morning, all he said was see you this evening, so the rest of that day I was shaking, went home had a bath, shaved, closely and my legs and under arms, picked the small ammpont of stuff, and caught the bus 10 miles to where he lived, all the way there I could feel my knees knocking, as I got to Rays front door rang the bell and Ray opened the door, he invited me in, asked if I wanted a drink, I don't know if I said yes or no, but he then said do you want to dress now, Oh please can I he opened a hall door and there was the dress that the girl looked lovely in, he just smiled and said theres some make up as well, I went to his bedroom and then I knew I should have been born a girl, I changed, probably made a bit of a mess of the makeup, looked in the mirror, and thought this is where I want to be, came down to his living room, the door was open, when I walked in ray stood up, and said you look lovely, a true girl, at that we sat and talked, ray moved closer and kissed me, it felt natural to put my arms round him, then we made love, he showed me to take things slowly and of course step by step was fantastic, getting upset again I am so sorry, but I want my story out, I will have tp come back,,,,,,,can't see the keyboard xx

[gloriaviny]

I am adamant to get this out, its been inside for to long, so as the time went on with Ray, things were great, but only just turning 16 I still had stay at home, Ray and I used to go to the cinema together,of course in the low light I passed easily as a young woman, I thought I'd found my eutopia, one other thing back in the mid sixties,all the boys were growing their hair like the beatlesm so I while I was still at school I thought I'd grow mine, as I said my homophobic father told me to get it cut, but I didn't and one night he dragged me down to the floor and hacked it of with the dress scissors, did I have the pee took out of me at school the next few days, so, when Ray suggested growing my hair that was another thing I had to tell hin about my ??father???, so when we went out he bought me blonde wig, that changed me a lot as well, it was wonderful going out with ray, holding hands like a couple should do, he did try every way to make feel like a girl, please forgive this, but even getting on top of me, as if the missionary position, I really fell in love with Ray, as only a girl/woman can, and more and more I wanted to be a girl, not for the sex like some people say, to be with the man, my man, but here we go again, after about 18 months Ray had a message that his mother was ill abroad, I understood he had to see his mother and help her, I was with him when the message came, I cuddled him and said you've got to go to her, when he put his notice in where we worked, I couldn't go to the airport, on reflection I'm glad I didn't, we kept in touch by letters, I did ask him if he wanted me to change to a girl,,transgender, he said he did, every morning I used to look at the door way to see him coming to work, but he never came back, so I was back to being at my parents again, not going out remembering the last 18 months, night by night, that is about the lowest time of my life, but like my mother was, and even now I still miss her, got me on a blind date with a girl,,conforming to what other people tell you, we got married we had 2 beautifull girls within the first 2 years of the???marridge???and I turned my eyes to seeing life through the girls eyes, I do dress up when I have the house to myself now the girls have grown up and have their own places with their men, I tried to tell my wife about some of my feelings when the girls were smaller, but with her being a devout christian, couldn't see what I was saying, our sex life died after the second girl was born, which didn't really bother me ], my thoughts were elsewhere, I have had other affairs with other men, but I think Ray spoiled me, about 3 years after Ray went to his moms I heard he had a heart attack and died, which as you can imagine, thats why I get so upset at times, now I've reached 60, and we only see the girls occasionally I want to get more feminised, so when I leave this world,I am more of what I sjould have been, not what I was,,,,and hopefully Ray is waiting,,,,,,thank you all for reading my life, no matter what anybody says its all true, on my girls
lives, thank you for letting me get this out, my heart is with you all, I really hope, that life, lets you find a Ray, or whatever you want xx

[Jo-is-amazing]

That is really and truly beautiful
I'm so sorry that Ray left this earth so early and im sure he is waiting for you, because you sound like an amazingly brave and wonderful woman. Thank you for sharing your experiences and I hope your transition is as wonderous and as beautiful as you are <3
Best of luck
>--(^_^)--<

[gloriaviny]

thank you Jo, I am glad I managed to tell mt life to someone that understood, the only thing I am worried a bit about is making a appointment at my GPs, which has been the families doctor for years, I might consider seeing a private GP, as I said in my life, if Ray had been around all this might have been sorted years ago, because as soon as I was 18, I would have moved in with him, one little other upnote Ray and I decided on Gloria, and funnily one night coming back from the cinema, we bumped into, we worked with, they (a guy and his wife) the guy idn't recognise me, and tormented Ray the next week,,,,,,wnere did you get your girl friend from??? If you catch this Jo, please give me some routes to go, with the journey,,lots of love xx

[gennee]

Hi Gloria and welcome to Susan's.

[gloriaviny]

thank you all for being so understanding, I know I sound like a cravked record, but if Ray had stayed, or came back my life WOULD have took a whole different direction, I trully loved Ray, but my whole life took a down turn, so all I'm saying is, while your young, and if there is someone that cares about you around, don't hold back, things are changing quicker now than when I was younger, the predudice that was around then has changed so drastically, don't get yourself forced into relationships that don't suit you, I started a family, I love my girls, without question, I would give my life for them, but sitting in my bedroom after Ray left I was so alone, with a ???father?? that the only thing he gave ne was life, and having to go to work where we both worked, was all so wrong, so PLEASE, PLEASE if your ready for it push, push and push again, because if my life, was 40 years younger I would, and I would be sitting here now a full woman, with a man that I loved and loved me, and hopefully, not getting so depressed, smoking like a chimney, over weight, and longing for what had gone before, you are all so lovely, and thoughtfull, take care and PLEASE follow your dreams xx